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Thread: Saoirse's Primal Journal page 54

  1. #531
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    i've always felt an emotional distance between us, and haven't really had my needs met in the relationship. he's tried at different points, but they never really felt like true attempts, and i don't know if we're all that compatible. i had told him this a few weeks after he left, because that's when it dawned on me. he had been blaming me for his dissatisfaction with life, and it occurred to me that maybe i'm not wrong, and he's not wrong, we just have different expectations for our mates. i told him that (that i'm wondering if we're compatible), and he became really angry at me. he accused me of betraying his trust, lying to him all these years, and says that he just can't trust me anymore. we've pretty much argued since.

    last night was the first night out that i've had in a long time. this afternoon i received an unusual phone call from one of the friends who i had dinner with. her husband (who is more or less a mutual friend of mine and my husband's) had received an email from my husband asking if i was really out with my friend. so apparently he thinks i'm cheating. now i'm wondering, what happens if i go out with someone whom he doesn't know that well? is he going to check with them too? or is he just going to sit and stew? what's sort of ironic about all this is that i'm at home with my three children whom almost never see a babysitter. i am with them almost 24/7. when do i have time to build a relationship with someone else? does he honestly think i'd do it in front of the kids? and even if that was the case, what 4 year old can keep a secret? meanwhile, he's living with people who have no children, and he's out many times a week with people I DON'T EVEN KNOW. he has a separate account so i can't even see where his money goes (he set this up months before he left). if he was cheating, he could pull it off and i would never know unless he let it slip, or his buddy told me (very unlikely). and yet he had the nerve to email my friend's husband to check on my story.

    my god, i wish i had a job and was financially independent. he has even held that over my head before, by implying that he might stop depositing paychecks in our joint account. he wanted me to be a SAHM and apparently a housewife. he wanted me to homeschool our kids. now i have no marketable skills and no post-highschool education. why on earth did i ever trust that he had my best interests in mind?


    i always made my reubens with swiss cheese, but i had been told that's wrong. i dunno, that's how i like them.
    Last edited by Saoirse; 07-30-2011 at 07:45 PM.

  2. #532
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    oops, i did it again. i'm trying not to think about relationship shit anymore.

  3. #533
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    I'm sorry to hear that. I feel that way with mine quite a bit but we don't argue. We talk about others, the kids, but nothing about us or the relationship. My husband has always wanted me to be a SAHM but I put my foot down and told him no. I don't have a degree but I do find work and I like the idea of making my own money. I couldn't handle the SAHM thing. I think for me that would almost be suicide.

    I think I may know why reubens don't have cheese typically. The Jewish diet is kosher and you don't eat anything that comes from the mother you are eating. The corned beef is the mother and the cheese is made from milk which is considered the "kid" in this instance. I know unorthodox Jews that eat it with cheese and the orthodox doesn't.
    Georgette

  4. #534
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    Have you thought about ways that you could reach at least some degree of financial independence? Learning another language can bring in some good money, and maybe even allow you to work from home.
    “The whole concept of a macronutrient, like that of a calorie, is determining our language game in such a way that the conversation is not making sense." - Dr. Kurt Harris

  5. #535
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    aha! your kosher explanation makes sense geo. my hungarian friend and her husband were the ones to correct my cheese-on-reuben mistake. maybe she's used to a more kosher version?

    chaohinon- what languages are you talking about? do you have more specific information? i love the idea of being bi- or -multilingual.

  6. #536
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    Unfortunately I don't have any specific, still trying to find accessible classes in my area. But I figure if you plan on staying in america, spanish is #1.

    The number of spanish speakers in this country represent a huge economic opportunity. It's just a matter of what you want to do; freelance translation, working at a call center, finding some business with an immigrant labor force that needs help managing it, etc.

    I wish I could tell you more.
    “The whole concept of a macronutrient, like that of a calorie, is determining our language game in such a way that the conversation is not making sense." - Dr. Kurt Harris

  7. #537
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    thanks, i'll keep that in mind. i'm open to possibilities, but i'm really hoping to stay at home with my kids. my babe is just so young, they are all so young. my oldest is emotionally invested in homeschooling. we'll see what happens, i guess i need to keep my eye out and options open just in case.

  8. #538
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    you might try a company like groupon. they hire people to write the ad copy on their groupon page. it's usually $50 a story, and each story takes about an hour. turn over is usually fast (eg, they give you an assignment at 9 am, and they want it by 2), so you'd have to dedicate some time. but, it's work from home and low key (imo).

    my husband currently does 5-10 stories per week at the offices -- so about 2 hrs a day on average. another friend of ours just started working for them and does 5 stories a day (they have 25 stories per day going up on the various locations in Aus and NZ), and they have 3-5 other writers.

    if you know someone who works for the company already, that helps a lot.

  9. #539
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    hmm..interesting idea. i suppose i could do that just for cash until i can figure out something else.

  10. #540
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    I'd learn Chinese and Spanish. Hell at the rate we're going, Chinese is going to be more in demand sooner than you think.
    Georgette

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