Divorce is bad for kids*, pretending it's a good thing for the kids is a flat out lie. It's a lie women tell themselves to block the guilt. What's more depressing is how much celebration there is around divorce, look at people congratulating her.
Regardless, it is good that women show men how frivolous they treat marriage. Men can adjust to the new social order that way.
*This shouldn't have to be mentioned, but someone will bring it up I'm sure. In some cases, like abuse, divorce would be a good option, but that isn't the case most often.
considering the fact that you have been a member of the forum since aug '11 (when my husband and i were having some real brawls) and yet haven't posted anywhere until now (in my journal nonetheless), I'm going to guess you're someone i know personally, who lacks the balls to talk to me directly. that's awesome. this would be out of character for my soon-to-be-ex, so i'm pretty sure I know who you are; and now i know you have no balls. and now you're also on my ignore list.
lol. durr...you must be right.
Saoirse....wow, I have been away from reading the journals for a while and just got caught up on your situation. I hope you and your family are doing OK. Divorce is never pleasant, even when all parties stay on good terms. As a child of divorced parents I can tell you that it sucked, but I was actually able to have a better relationship with both of my parents afterwards. When they were married there was a constant pressure felt in the house that weighed everyone down. You have to do what's right for your family in the long run.
Oh....and yeah, a new member whose only posts are in your journal on this topic = kinda shady.
My blog: My Primal Adventure
"I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum."
Like skink, wow. I'm sorry to hear you and your kids are going through this. Stay strong and don't let the haters get to you. You are one tough cookie. I know what its like to be in a relationship that is very stressful and hopefully, we can come to a decision in the next year. My hat is off to you. Good luck.
Thanks skink. I grew up in a "broken home" too but i didn't realize it until much later, and even after i realized the label applied to me, i thought the label was silly. granted, it was different for me than it will be for my kids because that's what i've always remembered, but some similarities still hold true. my older two will have some memory of us together, the youngest won't at all. I remember various incidences of people who didn't know me expressing regret at my situation (oh i'm sorry your parents are divorced), and i was always puzzled by that. I had two houses, two bedrooms, and a wider variety of experiences because my mom and dad weren't together. mom was boring but very hands-off in her parenting; dad was a little more overbearing but exposed us to a lot of different experiences that i'm grateful for. the only thing that i disliked about it was that 1)my mom and dad couldn't talk about anything without a fight, 2) i felt like i couldn't talk about experiences with one around the other and 3) sometimes i missed one while i was with the other. 1 and 2 are avoidable and we're both committed to preserving a friendship for the kids. 3) is unavoidable, but shouldn't be as bad due to the parenting schedule we're arranging. in some ways i think this was of benefit to me in helping make me a more independent person. i'm not saying that anyone should give up on a marriage easily, or that single parenting is the way to go, but i don't think it's going to be the end of the world for our kids. if there is a "right" way to do divorce, i think we're doing it by being level-headed, matter of fact, and considerate toward each other. woah, that was kind of cathartic, thanks skink for sharing. i did feel that pressure and still do; i really can't explain it, but i was happier when he was away and i think i'll be happier when i'm in my own apartment.
thanks Geo, there are a few haters (as there is bound to be in a situation like this). sincerely just water rolling off my back. i've been thinking of you off and on. be smart about your situation. there are so many ways to screw each other over, thus making it worse for everyone.
Just catching up on the last few pages (sorry to just drop in again like this). I can't say I'm not glad you'll be on your own again -- you had very few good things to say about your soon-to-be-ex, which is never indicative of a good situation. Frankly, he always sounded to me like a passive-aggressive shit-eater, but anyhoo...
I know things are really tough, but I honestly believe (granted... only based on what little I know!) that you'll be a great deal happier, Rachel. That doesn't make things easier now, but I hope you find happiness! If you follow your heart and do what you know is right, I'm sure you will.
I hope you're doing alright through this, and I hope your kids are, too! I know you keep them foremost in your mind, and that will mean a lot in the next few weeks/months.
thanks for the kind words Patrick. He's not a shit-eater (though i chuckled), but we're just simply not right for each other. i'm really looking forward to moving out and getting over this hump. I hate moving.