Saoirse's Primal Journal page 223

[Jenny]

I'm in the middle of divorcing my husband.

I was really wondering about you and him in particular since I remembered some eyebrow-raising stories earlier in thread.

Speaking as someone who had to initiate a divorce myself: it really is rough on everyone, including yourself during the transition, but congratulations. You have the right attitude. "Breaking up the family" can genuinely be the healthiest possible option for everyone emotionally, including the kids.

What I mean is... even if you love someone, that doesn't mean you can have a healthy relationship with them...

Glad he's being a reasonably good sport about it, considering. That's a good start and I hope it continues even later. Wouldn't want the kids to get yanked around unnecessarily after all.

Personally, I'm just really glad I didn't listen to my ex when he was like "Let's just have a baby, that'll distract you, right?" That was one of the last straws, actually.

As for how I am... in the micro view, I've had a really tough couple of months. But in the macro view, I am still in a great living situation, relationship, job, kids are progressing nicely through life, future looks bright and stable, etc. I just need to more effectively convert my motivation into actual self-discipline for my own health's sake.

[DCarr10760]

Well speaking as a man who had a divorced initiated on him, I admire you both for remaining civil. We managed to do that too for the sake of our children. They are now fully grown and seem not to have been ruined as a result. Of course it was not easy, but since we both focused on easing the children through the process it was easier not to give in to the hurt and become angry and bitter.

It turned out to be a good thing (looking at it in the rear view mirror). I'm glad in retrospect that she had the strength to end it when she did. I think I would've tried to keep fixing it at the expense of all of our happiness.

At first we stayed friends, which was important to the kids, but now we've drifted apart, not out of animosity, just because the kids are grown and there really isn't a reason to remain close. It was a good partnership (raising the kids), far better than the relationship.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

If it makes you feel any better to send me pictures of the naughty librarian, I mean, I guess I could take one for the team and humor you.

[Saoirse]

Well...that escalated quickly.

yes i suppose it did. honestly, i've been trying to make it work for years, and finally decided that i wasn't doing anyone any favors. sometimes you hear "give it time, it gets better." I gave a lot of time, and tried a lot of different ways to make life better (better communication, better attitude, giving in and giving up on expectations, etc.) and in the end I think it's just time to give up and move on.

I was really wondering about you and him in particular since I remembered some eyebrow-raising stories earlier in thread.

Speaking as someone who had to initiate a divorce myself: it really is rough on everyone, including yourself during the transition, but congratulations. You have the right attitude. "Breaking up the family" can genuinely be the healthiest possible option for everyone emotionally, including the kids.

What I mean is... even if you love someone, that doesn't mean you can have a healthy relationship with them...

Glad he's being a reasonably good sport about it, considering. That's a good start and I hope it continues even later. Wouldn't want the kids to get yanked around unnecessarily after all.

Personally, I'm just really glad I didn't listen to my ex when he was like "Let's just have a baby, that'll distract you, right?" That was one of the last straws, actually.

As for how I am... in the micro view, I've had a really tough couple of months. But in the macro view, I am still in a great living situation, relationship, job, kids are progressing nicely through life, future looks bright and stable, etc. I just need to more effectively convert my motivation into actual self-discipline for my own health's sake.

thank you Jenny. He's not a bad guy, but our family has no sense of cohesiveness. i think that's one reason i don't feel insanely guilty for divorcing him. we've always done our separate things even though i've tried to bring us together, and now we'll be doing separate things in separate places. Our kids know that we love them, and I think they're going to pull through this ok.

Well speaking as a man who had a divorced initiated on him, I admire you both for remaining civil. We managed to do that too for the sake of our children. They are now fully grown and seem not to have been ruined as a result. Of course it was not easy, but since we both focused on easing the children through the process it was easier not to give in to the hurt and become angry and bitter.

It turned out to be a good thing (looking at it in the rear view mirror). I'm glad in retrospect that she had the strength to end it when she did. I think I would've tried to keep fixing it at the expense of all of our happiness.

we're trying. it seems to be getting harder.

At first we stayed friends, which was important to the kids, but now we've drifted apart, not out of animosity, just because the kids are grown and there really isn't a reason to remain close. It was a good partnership (raising the kids), far better than the relationship.

that's my hope for us; a good partnership for the kids. we've done that somewhat ok, and since he'll have clear boundaries of what's going to be expected of him (I'm not cleaning up after his messes if i'm living in a separate house, for example), most of the issues that we failed to cooperate on will be moot.

If it makes you feel any better to send me pictures of the naughty librarian, I mean, I guess I could take one for the team and humor you.

lol. as a young woman going through divorce, i'm facing somewhat tight scrutiny from some family and the soon-to-be-ex. i should probably be good.

[Pebbles67]

I wish you the best, Rachel. This is a tough thing to do.

[Saoirse]

Thank you Paula.

[Shanes]

You have the right attitude. "Breaking up the family" can genuinely be the healthiest possible option for everyone emotionally, including the kids.

Keep telling yourselves that ladies.

[naiadknight]

Keep telling yourselves that ladies.

I believe I speak for both of them when I say "fuck off, troll."

[bloodorchid]

Keep telling yourselves that ladies.

someone's obviously never grown up with unhappy parents

[Saoirse]

I believe I speak for both of them when I say "fuck off, troll."

snort