Primal Journal -- Zoebird page 64

[zoebird]

yes. i'm in this space right now where my list is long, and my time is . . . well being used prodcutively -- so i'll get to it.

i'm working on so many layers of the business right now (excessive amounts of awesomeness!!!!), but it's definitely in mind.

Part of my original business plan was to develop a "circle of care" for prenatal - post natal - family activities and groups, that included a parenting class that talked about AP in terms of a 'tool box' -- different tools to help people make it work. And, inviting the different groups around (babywearers, cosleepers, blah blah blah) to come and talk about hwo they do it, the research and information, and the differences between them.

But, it's not top priority just yet. I think that it's going to flow quickly, but I think i'll put it off to next year to get it rolling. I really want my yoga classes to quadruple in size (with the studio expansion), and so i'm focusing my energies there. And also getting the teacher training off the ground!

[zoebird]

so, whole9 today, starting over, day 1.

eggs, bacon, broccoli; apple, orange; dinner? i'm not sure. i have this kale-like vegetable -- cavolo nero -- which is apparently very nutritious, which I will make into a warm salad with garlic, onion, mustard, and I think also some orange and nuts. I'm not sure which nuts -- walnuts, almonds, macadamias, and brazil are available. I'm not sure what meat we will have -- we have some steak and some chicken, i think.

i've been watching this show 'extreme makeover: weight loss edition" with chris powell. i really like the guy. this last one the man had severe food addiction, and is getting help. so it's a half-way ending. not happy, not tragedy thank goodness. the man admitted to being suicidal, and i was just heartbroken for him.

you know, it's a funny thing. there are people who consider me to be a "fat hater" because i advocate for health, and in that, there is often weightloss. within this, of course, i recognize that people will be different weights, and that our bodies are different, and sometimes, there are underlying reasons why people are holding onto their weight -- even though they are getting healthier overall.

i've had clients who have lost a small amount of weight, or no weight, but gotten much healthier in overall changing diet and movement. They hold onto the weight for different reasons -- largely emotional ones -- and I have to put out that I think that is ok. I really do.

This doesn't mean that I don't want these people to be emotionally healthy either, or that anyone who maintains the weight that they are maintaining are doing so because they have an emotional issue. I truly do not know every single underlying cause of obesity.

I know that food addiction is *real* and that it's hard to overcome. I have two friends who are food addicts -- in recovery -- and their paths to the process are very different. One is a compulsive eater, and she says that eating is like having to go up and tickle a dragon several times a day. It's not like you can abandon food. And she's careful, she doesn't eat any form of sugar, and possibly several other things too. My other friend realized that she "behaves like a crazy drunk" when she has any form of wheat, flour, or sugar in any form (including honey). She has never been overweight, and so you wouldn't consider her an addict per se. She also suspects that people with eating disorders like anorexia and bulemia are also forms of food addiction, and that if they were to "eat clean" (as opposed to the rehab that has them eat brownies and what not), their process would be much easier mentally as well as physically. She thinks that the chemicals in foods can really muck with the brain.

so, anyway, this recent one was about a food addict, and the poor man just broke my heart. i cannot imagine feeling as worthless as he felt, suicidal even, over food addiction. I can't imagine, either, the pain that brought him to that place, and the things that he struggles to not-feel by eating, and how it all compounds.

my heart really breaks because so often, people see people who are overweight just as this young man described himself -- pathetic, disgusting, worthless, deserving of ridicule. yes, even people here on the forum.

what i -- and i think many others -- forget is that it compounds the pain. that without total acceptance of the person, and a willingness to be open to whatever the situation may be, and whatever needs to be accepted. . . without allowing the person to live shamelessly. . . we really are only perpetuating the problem.

it's not about the governments policy regarding food supply. and, to an extent, it's not about food availablility -- those are real issues. but i think one of the greater issues is just how up-hill this climb is and feels.

largely because of the mountain of shame, which only increases when we all shame people over their weight.

anyway, i hope that when people are in my classes, they know that I do accept them as they are, that we will modify based on their needs, and that their success is measured by them -- not by me, and not by dress sizes.

[zoebird]

whole 9 day 2: eggs, bacon, broccoli/cauliflower steamed in broth. chicken will be later plus some fresh veg, not sure what yet.

[zoebird]

right, it was going to be chicken, but then, at the last minute, we decided to take hawk to see African Cats -- which he loved -- and so i came home and made meat balls.

they were great, with simple tomato sauce, and served over a bed of sauteed cavolo nero that i cut length-wise to be like ribbons or pasta. good stuff.

[Dragonfly]

anyway, i hope that when people are in my classes, they know that I do accept them as they are, that we will modify based on their needs, and that their success is measured by them -- not by me, and not by dress sizes.

Thank you for a wonderful & compassionate post.

My years as a personal trainer convinced me that emotional issues are a major underlying cause of obesity. Food choices and activity levels will support whatever underlying belief(s) someone has about themselves.

[zoebird]

so far, eggs, meatballs with the greens and pasta sauce, and an orange. and tea. i'm drinking more herbal teas these days, in accordance with dh's diet changes.

also, i have a lead on a pair of skates, so i'm hoping that next week i'll start derby training. which will consist mostly of skating in circles until i can skate. then, i'll start on drills and stuff.

[zoebird]

days 4, 5, 6 and now 7 of my whole 9 are going great.

so far, so good. perhaps too much fruit. But anyway, i'm happy. I'm also in that "voraciously hungry" phase of my cycle, so. . . anyway.

tomorrow I go back to my friend's armed with: 1 dozen hard boiled eggs (6 to give to her, 6 for us, *plus* 6 fresh for her to cook up any way she pleases); 24 meatballs in sauce with my new lover accompanying it (cavolo nero); cauliflower salad -- which is essentially steamed cauliflower and whatever else I want to put it in tomorrow. I'm thinking of doing it in fennel, orange, red bell pepper, and avocado (because they came back! they came back! avocado season is starting!!!!!!!!!!!!). Then a simple dressing. YAY ME.

so, we should have enough to eat and enough to leave, which will work out nicely for all of us.

she's also ready to start infant potty. nursing has righted itself (needed the medication to up supply, and got his sucking back to normal using -- of all things -- a pacifier. i guess she wasn't ready to BE the pacifier like i was. LOL).

oh, and sweetest thing, Mr Man aka Mr Feet aka Sweet Pie aka "DS" and so on. . . has decided to not nurse!

I think that seeing Oliver (that's my friend's baby) having a rough go, and seeing another baby later that week nursing away, and then being told he's such a big boy on his birthday and such (mostly by grandparents and friends -- such as our coworkers), he put it together.

and so the day after his birthday, we are doing our morning cuddle, and, well. . .it's cute.

Hawk: Mama, i Love you. I love your boobs too!
Me: oh, thank you.
Hawk: You are welcome. I love your boobs, and i love yums, but yums are for babies. Oliver and Sadie need yums because they cannot eat food!
Me: yes, that is true. Oliver and Sadie cannot eat food.
Hawk: I am a big boy. I am three, and I eat lots of food. And I love yums, but I"m too big for yums now. So we will cuddle instead of Yums at night.

There you go. Just as I wanted it after all. He'd had yums on his birthday, and the next day, decided that he would not have yums. He hasn't asked for it since, and he says "when i was little, I had yums, and i loved yums. But now I am big, and I don't need yums, so I don't have yums." so cute.

Anyway, i think my hormones are a little outta whack about it, but otherwise, it's going well here. I feel good to have it done. I wasn't sure how much longer I would go, and i really didn't want to wean him myself. but there it is.

[zoebird]

today is day 8 of my whole nine -- i'm so hungry. big breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, tomatoes) shared with hawk; hard boiled eggs; one meatball (to make sure they were done), and so on. Meat ball about the size of a golf ball.

now, plan was to go to my friend's house to help her learn to EC her baby, but once we got on the bus -- the express bus no less -- i texted her and she tells me that she forgot that she had family over, and can i come over another time? Thankfully, we weren't that far out of town yet, so we got off at the last stop before the express takes you into the city (where we would have caught a second bus to see her), and then walked into town.

we went to two thrift stores (vinnies and sallies -- st vincent and salvation army), and i found a bikini for $5. And a sweater for Hawk, and a great little book called "accessible walks of NZ" which was written by a woman and her brother. The woman has disabilities -- uses either 'sticks' (crutches) or a wheel chair, and writes about how accessible the tracks really are, their durations, and how to get to them. They are organized by region and then from shortest to longest, each rated with 1-4 smiling faces (more faces, better track), with the best tracks having the most accessibility AND beauty. A lot of tracks had poor accessibility (for a wheel chair or sticks), and yet had beautiful views. but she was honest that they would be basically inaccessible if you don't have the ability to get out of a chair. I picked it up for two reasons: 1. to plan some short walks with my family -- since my dad doesn't want to walk all that much on difficult tracks, but i still want him to see cool things and experience cool things; and 2. the tracks are short and easy, and that means we can get started on hiking weekends with Hawk.

i'm excited, in particular, about number 2. There's a little town i've never heard of outside of Nelson -- a town I go to often (and mentioned at the end of the film The Piano in case anyone noticed!) -- and they have 4 very accessible tracks that are apparently really lovely (nelson lakes region). Since each track is about 1 hr return, you double that for short legs, and we can do two treks per day, and take a three day weekend to do it. We already have him hiking all over town, and he has adventure day with his dad, but other than that, we don't hike much as a family -- which is something we all enjoy. So, i think this book will help with planning.

we then went to two garden centers, and i stared planning out what we were getting for what (sand box, plants, planters, etc), and we are borrowing a friend's car tomorrow to go and grab everything and haul it back. good times.

anyway, to my puzzle.

I did my measurements today, and i'm at 27 inches at the waste, and 20% body fat. I am assuming this is due, largely, to a lot of root vegetables (eating seasonally) as well as hitting the 20% pretty hard. Now, it's not all-out having toast several times a week, but i would say -- having a piece of cake once a week, and dark chocolate 3-5 times a week. I've also been eating a lot more fruit lately -- honestly, my carbs are largely fruit, root veggies (and cavolo nero!), and that cake!

In addition, since moving to Seatoun, I get much less movement. I actually get a lot of movement, but it's all very slow. It takes 30 minutes to walk to the bus -- because i'm going the three yr old's pace. Walking on my own, 10 minutes. KWIM?

So, while we walk quite a bit here -- 45-60 mins one way to shop, or to an activity, or just to walk, or hiking or whatever -- the pace is VERY slow. On an average day, i'm walking very slowly for about an hour.

Because we are down to one computer right now, too, I can't get as much work done at home. In the past, I would wake up, clean house, get ready for work, get hawk packed up and ready, pack lunches, etc -- and then while hawk played on his own (he's good at that), i would check emails, do some work (invoicing, accounting, etc), and then when I went to work, I had time to socialize, finish up more work, and also do things like -- practice more yoga or go for a walk.

Now, i'm teaching, teaching, private lesson, meeting/work hour, work hour, half hour rest time, teaching, busing home, walk 10 minutes home. It's good -- i'm happy for the work on a lot of levels -- but normally I would spend the meeting/work hour doing something active -- like going for a walk, or sprints, or yoga (LHT).

right now, in addition to about an hour of terminally slow walking, I do about 25 minutes of yoga per day, which is often interrupted like this: "mom, i need to potty and cant'g et my pants off!" then "now I can't get them back on!" and then "peel and orange for me, please?" and then "can I play with this?" and then "play blocks with me mommy, please?" and so on. and honestly, you can't NOT cuddle the kid. they are only little for a little while.

So, here is what we are doing about it.

First, i'm continuing with my whole9 stints. 9 days seem easier to manage, and honestly, with the cake calling my name on a fairly regular basis, it looks like a habit that I need to break! I'm going to be following my calories, too.

But -- dear readers, if there are any of you -- I could use your help. The help I need is this -- the two weeks before menses, i'm voraciously hungry. now, I can do as I have done the last two days (start of that two weeks) -- wherein I eat hard boiled eggs, olives, drink water, drink more water, drink herbal tea (we've switched away from black for the time being). But, I"m often just really hungry. I can eat a HUGE meal, and feel like i hadn't even eaten.

So, how do you manage this? Do you change your ratios? As in, more fat during this time, or more protein? Or is it something else? or do you just not worry about it because everything else is in place?

Second thing is I set some actual fitness goals. My friend loaned me the AcroYoga "Flight Manual" -- and they have a great sequence in there, as well as a series of many posture groupings to help develop strength and agility for acroyoga. The workshop for acroyoga is at the end of Nov, and I'm psyched to be taking it. My friend who loaned me the book is also considering going up for the training, and so we'll see how it goes. We'll get our study hours in this weekend, and then we have to take a 4-day workshop with the owners of the brand (they were in NZ in april, so we're hoping they'll come back soon!), and then from there, you qualify to take the teacher training IF you also have a yoga cert, a massage cert (i do; my friend doesn't), 1 year of acroyoga experience/practice, and some acrobatic experience (there's a circus school here in miramar, so i'll be able to pick that up!).

by setting clear goals, i'll be more apt to stick with it, and by having a deadline -- like Nov 26 when the workshop is -- i'm more likely to stick with it until that day.

So, that's one prong of the approach -- the acro yoga manual sequencing and exercises. and hte other prong is to just get going on Mark's big 5 again. admittedly, I love doing things that Al pops onto his website, and I'm going to keep the turkish get ups because I enjoy them, but otherwise, i'll just work on the 5.

Now, the question is -- when? luckily, the workouts and such are short, and so there's no worries there. I figure that i'll do Mark's while hawk is occupying himself. I can easily "finish a set" and then attend to his needs (except getting pants OFF, because that's hella important. LOL). Then, at work, I'm going to alternate between acroyoga and my sprints. I'm going to do 3 days of the acroyoga and 2 days of going out and doing my walking/sprints.

The next question is getting work done itself, and we are trying to figure out if there is a day when I can go to the office "all day" -- because I think it would make a big difference for me. I"m thinking of cycling in on that day. Not sure though.

Anyway, any thoughts or insights would be helpful. Oh, and I'll post a before in my new bikini.

[zoebird]

ok, to clarify those questions:

1. do you have that extra hunger leading up to your menses? if so, how do you manage it -- changing ratios, increasing calories, dealing with it ("suffer through")?

2. i still can't figure out when to work out. i'm not waking up early, any suggestions? lol

[Dragonfly]

Hey Lady!
First of all, congrats on the Hawk-led weaning! Sweet story.

I can see how easily the fat would creep up, especially now that you don't have those stairs to climb all the time. (not to mention the cake!) Plus your hormones shifting, especially now that you aren't nursing...

The AcroYoga sounds like fun. Some friends were doing it in PT and it looked a lot like some of the Contact Improv I have done. Actually, I'm back into CI again at my twice weekly freedance sessions and am ramping up my bodyweight workouts to include some capoeira training. Have you see this guy? Maybe you told me about him, lol!

In regards to your questions:

1. I sure do (BIG time!) and IF has been my savior.
If I keep my eating window to 6 hours I'm fine. During my luteal phase it may creep up to 8 hours a couple of days, but then I ramp it back. I usually put on a bit of water weight, but my measurements seem to stay the same, so I don't sweat it and it comes off rights after my menses start. I also try not to keep super yummy things in the house during those two weeks, so I don't eat them all at once.

If you have to eat a lot, drop the carbs way down (less than 30 g/day) & you shouldn't put on any fat.

2. You could try swapping out one of your yoga sessions a week for an LHT session and include lifting Hawk etc, as needed. I try to walk at least 1.5- 2 hours daily (dog walk & stroll in the evening) and that seems to be what I need to maintain.