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Thread: Primal Journal - NourishedEm page 55

  1. #541
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    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    I know that, really I do. If it was just the scale being a bitch then I could live with it, but I still can't get my old jeans on and my belly is an ongoing issue that I just cannot stand. If I could get the bloody thing cut off, I would happily live with my wide arse!

    I'm trying, I really am. I want to be accepting and kind to and of myself, but when I stand naked in the bathroom at night, I can't stand what I see and I'm not sure how to get around that without changing it.
    Em, we're more alike than you know, including being mothers of twins. And, I know how that ravages the abdominal area. Without surgery--something I will not do as I've seen the downside in a family member-- I will always have "twin skin".

    I went years not wearing jeans. They were just too uncomfortable-- both physically as well as psychologically.

    I think when we (general) spend too much time nitpicking at our faults we lose the ability to focus on the bigger picture. For me the bigger, more important/pressing, issue was and is my health.

    Two years ago, I made a pact with myself.If I got and stayed healthy I would accept the very real possibility of remaining fat and not "looking good". I define what healthy meant and how I would measure my progress. That pact was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

    What's your bigger picture? How do you define success in regards to that picture? What tools can you use to measure progress?

    Am I always happy with what I see in the mirror? No. I am very happy that I'm healthy and that helps puts my "flaws" into proper perspective.

    You have just started the thyroid journey. A journey that is often fraught with pitfalls. The best thing you can do is be kind to yourself and take whatever time and steps your body needs to heal. Even if it's slower than you want it to be.

    I would also suggest, if you are compelled to use the mirror as a measuring tool, look for and focus on the parts of your body you like and/or see improving. Then tell yourself, things are improving. I had more energy today. I walked farther today. I ate well, passed on the donut. And my (whatever body part) is reflecting my effort.

  2. #542
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    Yeah, I totally relate to what you say about the jeans and the mirror! I've had 4 kids, and the rebound got slower and less definite with each one. by number 4 I was wrecked! More stretch marks than belly, a separated rectus abdominus, a pelvic floor that's more like a hammock than a trampoline. The list could go on, but I'd just be depressing myself.

    The mindset I'm shooting for is like Marcadav's - acceptance and a look at the big picture things. I know for sure that when I start to really angst over the size of my belly that there's more wrong in my life than just the belly. Usually I'm also sleep deprived, or coming down off an endorphine spike or something. Not huge, but enough that my brain isn't my friend any more. When I'm 'intact' so to speak, I can mostly enjoy my body and forget about all it's faults.

    One thing I've done here, though, is to stop reading threads about calorie counting and goal setting. Weight goals just don't work for me - the whole idea that I can control what those numbers say is an illusion, and it's one that makes me feel very miserable and angry. Calorie counting is too close to the lifestyle that not only didn't work, but has caused me heaps of physical and emotional pain. When I read those threads I just feel so discouraged.

    I have no idea whether this ramble has helped or not. Just wanted to empathise I guess.

    What year of your study are you in? (Just wondering about your assignment, lol).
    Started Feb 18 2011

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    I have to say, I do envy you gals just a tad. For your "wrecked" bodies you got some beautiful babies out of it. I'm still looking forward to that- so that I can justify the damage instead of just "I used to be fat."

    PS Jac- I love that picture of Pele you have in your sig. It's been one of my favorites for years.

  4. #544
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    For your "wrecked" bodies you got some beautiful babies out of it.
    Actually, Diana, that's a totally central point - would I trade my current body for a child-less one? Nope. (Especially now I'm a grandmother!) That's the big picture I'm shooting for.

    Pele signifies a whole new approach to life for me! I love her energy
    Started Feb 18 2011

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    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  5. #545
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    It's so frustrating/depressing when you have clothes that you used to wear, and want to wear again. You bust your ass and try to do right, then decide to test it out only to find you can't get your ass into the jeans. In fact you can't get them as far up as you did last time. It's the fight I had all through school and my 20's, and every time a pair of jeans is too small because of all the squish and jiggle, all those "fat memories" come flooding back, and you feel like shit all over again. It sucks so bad.
    Oh God I know, unfortunately the 'fat memories' are not memories for me. I've been overweight my whole life except when I was in my early teens. Then I just thought I was because with my shoulders and height I was a giant compared to all the other girls.
    I totally own my large, muscular frame now, I just want this layer of padding to come off it!
    And yeah, it totally sucks being overweight as a kid, but it is character-building!

    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    sigh! We're all the same but in different ways. I think Marcadav has it right... acceptance. Not surrender though! I cant help but think about that stupid book the Secret (sorry if anyone thinks it is great) and wonder if perhaps we should be saying nice things to our body rather than hateful things and then we'd be more likely to be happier with it...

    What is the secret to happiness I wonder....
    Wine.... and lots of it.
    Seriously though, I think you have something with the self-talk idea. The Secret was a bit nauseating, but it had a point.

    Quote Originally Posted by marcadav View Post
    Em, we're more alike than you know, including being mothers of twins. And, I know how that ravages the abdominal area. Without surgery--something I will not do as I've seen the downside in a family member-- I will always have "twin skin".
    I wish I could just blame the pregnancy, but I'd f@#ked up my abdominal area by being very overweight before I ever fell pregnant. The twins just added a few more (finger-width) stretchmarks.

    Quote Originally Posted by marcadav View Post
    What's your bigger picture? How do you define success in regards to that picture? What tools can you use to measure progress?
    My bigger picture.....? My studies and the high marks that I've achieved. My reputation as a solid co-worker on my ward. That my children are well-mannered with a wonderful sense of humour. That I'm a generous and loving friend. That I have a great cleavage.

    I get what you're saying and really, I don't measure my self-worth by what I see in the mirror. I kinda think of my issues with my body as the last of my ducks that I need to get in a row. I'm in a great relationship, I love my family, I'm excited about my new career path, I (finally) like my face, I just really want to be able to look in the mirror and say "Damn girl, you look good!" It's superficial, I know that, but I want it anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jac View Post
    I have no idea whether this ramble has helped or not. Just wanted to empathise I guess.

    What year of your study are you in? (Just wondering about your assignment, lol).
    Other people's rambles always help. It's like when you sit around with your girlfriends telling your stories, other peoples' perspective gives you a new way to think about things.

    As for my study, I'm in my final year. I had to take 2 years off from the practicum units due to the break up of my marriage in 2008, so I completed everything that wasn't a prac unit and now I just have 4 units left to complete. 2 this semester and 2 next and then finally I will be finished. It will have taken me 5 years! Knowing me, I will probably go straight into my masters when I'm done too, because I'm a glutton for punishment and secretly, I actually enjoy studying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    I have to say, I do envy you gals just a tad. For your "wrecked" bodies you got some beautiful babies out of it. I'm still looking forward to that- so that I can justify the damage instead of just "I used to be fat."
    Unfortunately, that's the reason my belly is stuffed too, much as I'd like to blame my kids.

    Wow, this subject really gets people talking doesn't it? I guess much as we all like to talk the talk of self-acceptance and love, we all have to deal with that little devil on our shoudler telling us that we're not good enough. As Pink says in her awesome song Perfect: "Why do we do that?"

    Last night's shift was a good one, mostly nice, healthy young men, which is always a bonus! I did have one man though who is just an advert for what happens to people who leave their native culture and are assimilated into the western way of life. He was an African man who has been in Australia for 10 years and now has Type II diabetes, severe hypertension and sky-high cholesterol and triglycerides, for which he is on a multitude of medications for of course. Coming here has probably shortened his life-expectency by 10 years!
    I really wish there was something I could do with my career that would allow me to help people like this. But without doing something totally outside the mainstream, I can't see how it's possible. I thought about studying nutrition as a post-grad, but I will just have to sprout the CW about diet and exercise if I work within the hospital system. I like the idea of private practice, but even then, I don't know if it's possible to change anything. I have heard of dieticians losing their licenses in the US for not enforcing the USDA dietary guidelines. I have no idea what it's like over here, but I can't imagine it would be much better. I have to admit though, the idea of being a bit of a maverick in the field appeals to me.

    Eats yesterday:
    B: Leftover osso bucco
    L: Smoked cod livers (these are the best thing I've ever tasted!) and pork rinds
    D: BAS with tandoori chicken boob, avocado and a macadamia oil/ACV dressing.
    S: 2 coffees with cream, a couple of cups of tea overnight and 60g 85%

    I got my roster for my first prac this year, which starts on 11th April. I have no shiftwork!!! Yay!! It's a 0800-1630 roster. This is great news as I won't have to go days without seeing my kids and also I won't be completely destroyed by late/early shifts (that's when you finish work at 2130 and have to be back for 0700 the next day) which are the bane of every nurses existance! I did a happy dance when I got that email.

  6. #546
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    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    I will probably go straight into my masters when I'm done . . . I really wish there was something I could do with my career that would allow me to help people like this
    So do your Masters research into Primal nutrition (you'd get plenty of quant results from the forum folks alone!) and then set up as a nurse practitioner to give care and advice to people like the man you described. You'll be a nurse, no need to be a nutritionist! And by that time you'll be able to show off your muscles and demonstrate that this WOL really works!

    (I'm a great one for giving career advice, but I also advise Masters and PhD students so I know it's a valid pathway)
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  7. #547
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    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    Wow, this subject really gets people talking doesn't it? I guess much as we all like to talk the talk of self-acceptance and love, we all have to deal with that little devil on our shoudler telling us that we're not good enough. As Pink says in her awesome song Perfect: "Why do we do that?"
    It's something I think practically every woman, regardless of size, deals with. Now if we'd just stop comparing ourselves to each other we'd be fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    Last night's shift was a good one, mostly nice, healthy young men, which is always a bonus! I did have one man though who is just an advert for what happens to people who leave their native culture and are assimilated into the western way of life. He was an African man who has been in Australia for 10 years and now has Type II diabetes, severe hypertension and sky-high cholesterol and triglycerides, for which he is on a multitude of medications for of course. Coming here has probably shortened his life-expectency by 10 years!
    That's a case straight out of GCBC, I swear! Woot for nice, healthy, young men though! I feel for the African fellow.

    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    I have heard of dieticians losing their licenses in the US for not enforcing the USDA dietary guidelines.
    Really? Oh this makes me so sad. I want to teach people about diet & nutrition (and fitness, and meditation, and wellness) but it makes me wonder about how much I'll have to compromise a) to be taken seriously and b) to not get myself into trouble. Being a maverick appeals to me too.

    Smoked. Cod. Livers. Wow. <3

    W00t no shift work! That's fantastic!

  8. #548
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    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    I guess much as we all like to talk the talk of self-acceptance and love, we all have to deal with that little devil on our shoudler telling us that we're not good enough. As Pink says in her awesome song Perfect: "Why do we do that?"
    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    It's something I think practically every woman, regardless of size, deals with. Now if we'd just stop comparing ourselves to each other we'd be fine.
    Yup.

    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    I have no shiftwork!!! Yay!! It's a 0800-1630 roster. This is great news as I won't have to go days without seeing my kids and also I won't be completely destroyed by late/early shifts (that's when you finish work at 2130 and have to be back for 0700 the next day) which are the bane of every nurses existance! I did a happy dance when I got that email.
    This is Excellent!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    Being a maverick appeals to me too.
    I would have never guessed it
    Last edited by winencandy; 03-24-2011 at 07:23 AM. Reason: fixed quote
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
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  9. #549
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jac View Post
    So do your Masters research into Primal nutrition (you'd get plenty of quant results from the forum folks alone!) and then set up as a nurse practitioner to give care and advice to people like the man you described. You'll be a nurse, no need to be a nutritionist! And by that time you'll be able to show off your muscles and demonstrate that this WOL really works!

    (I'm a great one for giving career advice, but I also advise Masters and PhD students so I know it's a valid pathway)
    The Nurse Practitioner route is something that has appealed to me since I started my training.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana Renata View Post
    Really? Oh this makes me so sad. I want to teach people about diet & nutrition (and fitness, and meditation, and wellness) but it makes me wonder about how much I'll have to compromise a) to be taken seriously and b) to not get myself into trouble. Being a maverick appeals to me too.
    Really?? With the pink hair, fangs, piercings, tattoos and kick-arse attitude?? I thought you were totally mainstream!

    Seriously though, it is sad to think that CW is so ingrained that alternatives are not considered to be worth trying. Especially since the success rate of CW treatment for these lifestyle diseases is so piss-poor. We will just have to be trailblazers in our field!


    Pete and I went out to dinner last night. I really need to get some practice eating out and asking questions about gluten. I made some, what I thought were safe choices for food and ended up with duck covered in a crispy coating that almost certainly contained wheat flour. I didn't ask. I'm an idiot. I tried to avoid the coating, but my guts feel inflamed today. I have no symptoms, nothing really except this feeling that my intestinal lining is swollen and sore. So I assume that it is. I need to make the transition in my thinking now that I've been diagnosed with gluten intolerance. Before, I tried hard to avoid it, but didn't stress if a little flour crept in at a restaurant. I now need to think about it a lot more seriously I think, treat gluten as the allergen that it is to me. I'm going to become one of those annoying people at restaurants who have the waitresses going to talk to the chef to ask questions!

    Other than the gluten issue, it was a lovely night. We shared a bottle of red and got a little silly. Lots of fun and lots of laughing. It's Pete's birthday today so we're having a birthday dinner here tonight, I have to go find a cake as the kids insisted on cake with candles. Apparently it's not a birthday party without them.
    I can't wait to give him his present. I called up his family and we all put in to buy him a kindle with one of the leather covers that has the little reading light. He's gonna be soooo pleased.

    Eatz yesterday:
    B: 2 HB eggs in the car on the way home from work
    L: Lamb and a red pepper cooked up with salt, pepper, garlic and lemon on top of a baked potato.
    D: Crispy duck, pork chow mein and rice. 1/2 bottle of red wine.

    Am fasting this morning. I need to rest my poor guts. I'm logging off now and taking Charlie for a walk around the lake, I should be studying, but we both have cabin fever, so there.

  10. #550
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    Hey Em, I empathize with where you are coming from, but it makes me so sad to see such a lovely woman feeling bad about her body! I hope whatever route you take brings you peace and happiness as well as physical healing. You deserve to love the way you look. Hugs and best wishes finding a way past this frustration.

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