Help me help someone close to me lose weight. Advice appreciated. page

[Christina*]

As the title suggests, I'm trying to figure out how to best help a relative who is very dear to me who wants to lose weight. She wants to lose weight, talks all the time about wanting to lose weight, but has always been one of those "quick fix" people (as I'm sure most of us have been at some point in our lives). She has about 40 lbs to lose. She's in her 50s so weight loss requires a bit more discipline for her than it would for someone younger. She has seen me losing weight eating primal and says she wants to eat the way I do but no matter how much I try to educate her (I have also given her my copy of PB to read) I just don't see her cutting out grains.

The issue is that while she wants help losing weight, she works 18 hour days, and I can't be there every time she's eating something, nor can I convince her to work less. Also, while I present to her the information I know from MDA/PB/etc. she still of course falls trap to CW, which is understandable since it's so hard not to be surrounded by it.

I guess my key issues are:

1) If eating primal isn't something she's truly willing to do right now - she says she wants to eat the way I am but when it comes down to it she doesn't - should I try to help her sticking to a CW type plan, but with "healthier" options (the better of different evils, I guess)? Technically you don't have to eat primal or cut out grains to lose weight, but I do believe it is optimal for health, performance and fat loss to do so. But since she is overweight and starting to experience health problems from it, losing weight with grains/some CW is probably better than remaining overweight and eating crap, right?

2) How do I keep from feeling guilty all the time about her lack of success? I always feel like I'm not helping her enough but the fact of the matter is there has to be some self discipline on her part because there is only so much I can do. I'm not there with her when she's offered snacks at work, etc.

Any feedback or help would be appreciated Has anyone gone through similar with a relative or someone close to them?

[Grizz]

Christina,

She needs to see some CREDIBLE information, PROOF that she MUST give up grains. Here is that proof:
Each of these links are short and to the point, from a very respected cardiologist.

* IMAGE: Wheat Belly, weight gain, Bad Cholesterol, Brain Fog, heart disease, lost energy
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...eat-belly.html

* Wheat Free Diet gets AMAZING results:
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...free-life.html

* Grains - Fat melting away from not eating grains
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...nst-wheat.html

* Wheat - Makes us feel Hungry
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...er-factor.html

* Wheat - Visceral Fat, Man Boobs, Breast Cancers, blood sugar, Big Belly
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...ond-floor.html

* Wheat Benefits = none
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...-syndrome.html

* Wheat-insulin resistance,diabetes,heart disease,hypertension,cancer,arthritis,cartilage destruction
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...wheat-hip.html

* Wheat - Your Brain on Wheat
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...-wheat-ii.html

* Wheat Severe Joint Pain
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...ing-wheat.html

* Wheat the Nicotine of Food contributes MIGHTILY to Diabetes
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...e-of-food.html

* Oatmeal-Rocketing blood sugar, pancreas damage, equal to a bowl of jelly beans
http://heartscanblog.blogspot.com/20...od-or-bad.html

And finally info from Mark:
* MDA - WHY GRAINS ARE UNHEALTHY
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/why-g...are-unhealthy/
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...WHEAT-and-OATS

Please let us know if this information convinces her,
Grizz

[lizch]

I usually have to hear things many many times to be convinced and motivated enough to change. I remember when someone first told me about The Zone Diet, maybe 15 years ago, I thought "there's simply NO WAY I could eat that food and not eat all the other stuff that's the staple of my diet". But once I'd heard it enough times, and started gradually absorbing some of it into my diet, I eventually realized it was a good approach. Primal was an easier leap, because it has enough similarities to Zone.

I'm not sitting here, though, wishing that a friend or relative had really pushed me 15 years ago, even in a 100% supportive way. I'm stubborn as an ox, and need to reach conclusions on my own. You've done your part--you've given her info, and now it's up to her. Be VERY glad she's away from you for 18 hours a day, because you definitely do not want to become the overseer of what she puts in her mouth.

And don't feel guilty about HER lack of success!!! You have no control over other people, so how can you be at fault?

[Christina*]

Grizz - Thanks so much for those links. I will pass them along to her! I'll let you guys know if it helps convince her.

I usually have to hear things many many times to be convinced and motivated enough to change. I remember when someone first told me about The Zone Diet, maybe 15 years ago, I thought "there's simply NO WAY I could eat that food and not eat all the other stuff that's the staple of my diet". But once I'd heard it enough times, and started gradually absorbing some of it into my diet, I eventually realized it was a good approach. Primal was an easier leap, because it has enough similarities to Zone.

I'm not sitting here, though, wishing that a friend or relative had really pushed me 15 years ago, even in a 100% supportive way. I'm stubborn as an ox, and need to reach conclusions on my own. You've done your part--you've given her info, and now it's up to her. Be VERY glad she's away from you for 18 hours a day, because you definitely do not want to become the overseer of what she puts in her mouth.

And don't feel guilty about HER lack of success!!! You have no control over other people, so how can you be at fault?

Thank you! I guess it's hard for me not to feel guilty because I do worry about her and her health a lot. Also she will tell me sometimes that I need to help her, etc. and talk about how bad she feels (health-wise and in terms of how she feels about her body) but I feel like there's only so much I can do, ya know?

[Hilary]

How about suggesting a time-limited trial, like a 21 day challenge? 'Once I start this, I can never eat pasta again as long as I live' doesn't provide much incentive to start. 'Let's see what happens if I go without sugar and grains for three weeks' feels very different. Also, if you have some new habit you want to adopt you can join her in your own '21 day challenge' - maybe get a bunch of friends with their own individual challenges encouraging one another. No-one is making any kind of commitment to a permanent change; it's just an experiment.

[kiwineil]

dude that is a seriously impressive list ...

[kiwineil]

this a great idea ... just be sure to understand how tuff the transition is for someone on an 18 hr day ... i too work close to those kind of hrs and trying to stick with a stressful high powered job which doesnt care how u feel while wracked with carb flu is no fun .. in a perfect world she should start this while on vacation .. but the worlds never perfect ...

[Eatmydust]

Let her read the success stories and all the photo's of people... it is changing lifes and it could change hers also!

[marcadav]

I think she needs to do some prep work BEFORE she jumps into changing her eating habits. That work might include the following:
1. blood work to see where she's at--lipid panel, fasting BGL, fasting insulin, thyroid,--to start
2. get a cheap BGL monitor ($9 at walmart) & strips ($20 for 50) and test after eating to learn how foods affect her
3. work up a plan SHE can live with-- maybe drop one thing a month, and/or add one thing, like more protein

Finally, unless and until she decides she is going to put her health first, nothing you say or do will fix how bad she feels. She has to make the decision to change and then take action to bring about that change.

[Franklin Mason]

Every time you see her, tell her how much better she'll feel within a few days. Lots of folks here stress weight reduction, better lipid profile, better glucose levels, lower cancer risk, etc. - and are quite right to do so. But we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that, hour to hour, day to day, you'll feel a helluva lot better on a primal-type diet. That's what keeps me on the straight and narrow when I crave ice cream or a beer. I got fed up with being sick and tired and I won't go back. Even if I was in doubt about the long-term health advantages, I'd still wouldn't change a thing.