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Thread: Grieving and unintended IF

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Grieving and unintended IF

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    I'm in the process of grieving for a very dear family member who passed on. Because of the way she went, I've been in the process for the better part of a week.
    Issue comes in, I'm needing to remind myself to eat. I get maybe 1000 kcal per day (on average), 35ish g carbs, 50-70 g protein, rest is fat.. I'm not too worried about nutrients, because I take a multi. I am concerned that I'm not getting enough to eat. I'm just not hungry. Kinda like depression, where if I'm hungry, I don't notice it til I get a headache. Do I just listen to my body here, even though I'm eating way below even maintenance (5'2" female, small build, fairly active). It's not that I'm trying to deprive myself of food, I'm just not recognizing that I may or may not be hungry. It's like that trigger vanished.

    Typical day of food throughout this mess:
    no breakfast
    chile rellenos/ stir fry/ salad (not BAS)/ soup (mostly broth) for lunch, if I remember to eat.
    Sausage, egg, or beef based dinner, (mostly it's been leftover zucchini lasagna or veggies w/ leftover spag sauce), again, if I think to eat.
    1 oz chocolate (70-80%) throughout the day.
    Usually it's been just lunch with a very light snack at dinner or a very light lunch with dinner.
    Typical activity:
    20 miles on the bike a week, + 6 bike sprints during that
    walking around at the office and filing (most of the day, long story)
    very little by way of lift heavy objects, aside from groceries and fighting to get my bike in and out of my corolla.

    Do I need to start MAKING myself eat more, or do I just let Mother Nature take her course?
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Near Tulsa, Ok
    I am sorry for your loss.

    I am at my ideal weight and I often make myself eat. If I didn't I would fall below my ideal weight and worse of all I would feel like crap. Eating fat makes me feel good and I'm happy about that.

  3. #3
    I'm so sorry Naiad.

    Personally, I would take it easy on myself, eat when hungry, try to get in little tempting treats, "fat bombs" perhaps, primal baking etc etc. How do you feel about cooking at the minute? However if you notice yourself losing weight or feeling/looking ill then maybe rethink and try to force down a little something more?
    I hope you can feel a bit better soon

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear it naiadknight! I hope all the arrangements go as smoothly as possible, at least...

    As for the eating, yeah, sounds like you're depressed (and understandably so!) I honestly don't know whether you should make yourself eat. Presumably yes, if it goes on for much longer? You may find it's affecting your energy levels in subtle or not-so-subtle ways (either the depression or the actual calories).

    Try making some of your very favorite things to eat -- you deserve a little light in your tunnel, and maybe they'll appeal as edible too.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Olathe, KS
    Sorry for your loss. I would say that your body will tell you if needs more and that it's fine to run on reduced calories for a while. If you find yourself running very low on energy though, then you probably need to think upping your intake.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Northern California
    I was just reviewing the vitamin D thread last night, which linked to a "Cooling Inflammation" blog, which mentioned something called vagal nerve stimulation. I'd never heard of it, but it sounds plausible, and maybe something to try to lift your spirits a bit. I have no idea if this would increase your appetite, but if you're feeling better - maybe. The link to the Cooling Inflammation blog is here: http://coolinginflammation.blogspot....%20stimulation with a couple of links for these exercises.

    Good luck.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    I'm in the process of grieving for a very dear family member who passed on. Because of the way she went, I've been in the process for the better part of a week.
    Hey love,

    I'm thinking of you during this time. I wouldn't worry about the caloric intake at this point but in a week or so, start focusing on it again so that your zinc doesn't get too low.

    Hugs to you sweet friend,

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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    San Francisco, CA

    My advice to you is to treat yourself with all the kindness and love you show to others.
    (Maybe write that on your mirror?) Allow yourself time to process your loss; but at the same time, make it a point to make yourself a few special treats---maybe light some candles, to eat by their light.

    When my mom passed two Christmases ago, we all got together and had a dinner at her favorite Mexican restaurant, and set a place for her at the head of the table. Complete with a Margarita and the big goofy sombrero. I think she enjoyed the HELL out of that, from whatever her vantage point was.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    So sorry to hear of your loss, naiadknight. As another person who reacts to sadness and stress by not wanting to eat, I empathize and sympathize. My experience has taught me to continue to listen to my body; don't force yourself to eat.

    The folks who react to stress and sadness by eating more appear to damage their bodies and systems more than those of us who react by not wanting to eat. After you've had the time to absorb your loss, your body will help you recover. Trust yourself.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Learn More
    I'm so sorry. I hope you are getting the time and space you need to grieve. Eat when you are hungry, and try to have lots of nutritionally dense foods that you really enjoy available so that when you do feel up to eating, you have something that will be extra nourishing that will also feel good. Don't force yourself to eat, but make sure that you are still paying attention to your body's signals even when your heart and mind are elsewhere. I spent much of the last year grieving a major loss, and it's easy to stop noticing your own needs in the middle of that.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

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