11-02-2010, 05:59 AM
breathe, breathe, breathe....take some fish oil.....breathe....
11-02-2010, 07:42 PM
Thank you, Batty. Tomorrow will probably be my last post until I get back. Of course, the time I am away will be when I need MDA the most. Isn't it funny how life works that way.
I was thinking about relaxing a bit during the holidays. Now I can see that the holidays is when I am going to need PB the most. As I've mentioned before, I have a long history of being 'all or nothing' and have worked hard for the last few years to become more moderate. I think 80/20 is great for things like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve and Day but I think I need to hunker down and be more primal than ever.
I will finish the book on the plane and become a CillaKat student when I return. I will get serious about the supplements, once I have a clue what to do.
Take care ... keep on being that pillar of strength and inspiration with your Batty flair ...
11-03-2010, 05:30 AM
B - bacon, onion, broccoli, Parmesan all folded up into three scrambled eggs
L - store-bought green salad with canned tuna added, oil and vinegar
S - closed fist of raw almonds
D - wiped off perfumey curry sauce from chicken and added it to: bacon, chopped onion, TJ's canned plummed tomatoes with juice and green beans
Last edited by Debbie; 11-03-2010 at 07:13 AM.
Reason: modified menu
11-06-2010, 04:20 PM
Hmmm ... the day I flew to OK, I ate 1/4 c of raw sunflower seeds and 1/2 c of raw almonds ... over the course of thirty hours ... and drank a lot of coffee with half 'n' half. I ate something else ... I think it was primal ... it might have been eggs, I really cannot remember. I never went to bed on Wednesday night ... arrived in OKC on Thursday to find my mother in the hospital ... she was discharged today and we just got to her place a little over an hour ago.
I have been eating hospital food; much tastier than you'd expect. If anything, I have definitely not eaten enough calories. But, true to the PB, I have not been suffering from hunger pangs or lack of energy.
I am tired but it's from the big life-altering events and decisions regarding my mother. I am enjoying my time with her, though, so I can't say this trip is entirely stressful.
I am being reminded, once again, of the fragility of life. It is so important to remember that tomorrow is promised to no one ... and to live each day to the fullest. It is no good to follow someone else's rules in a vain attempt to reach your own goals. We must be willing to be accountable for our choices; that way we'll have the power and find the strength to make the life altering changes that we need to live an authentic life. Yeah ... I'm deep ... I always have been ...
but when you fly half way across the country to find your mother's condition so seriously deteriorated and it's your responsibility to put everything in place to keep her safe ... and pave the way for her to slip into the next realm as painlessly and peacefully as possible ...
you have to realize your own mortality, as well. That is one of the greatest motivators to make healthy choices that I can imagine.
11-07-2010, 06:10 PM
B: two cups of coffee with whole milk, two scrambled eggs and four links of sausage
Later today, I went grocery shopping and, amongst other things, bought cream.
S: two cups of coffee with cream (YUM! I did not need lunch. That held me until our early dinner.)
D: one pork chop browned in sausage grease and braised in chopped tomatoes and balsamic vinegar; brussel sprouts drizzled with reduced sauce from pork chops; green onions sauteed in olive oil, some white beans and chopped tomatoes (very small portion ... no more than 1/4 cup)
dessert: frozen blueberries topped with plain yogurt
I am not going to go crazy trying to be primal while I am here. Mom is way too little and frail and I am going to cook whatever I know she will like and eat. Of course, she's a bit concerned with my *strange* eating habits, so I am going to compromise just enough to get her to eat. She needs carbs. Hell ... she needs anything ... she weighs about 95 pounds and is on oxygen 24/7. Just going to the bathroom makes her shake uncontrollably and I have to turn up the oxygen until she can control her breathing. She was a muscular 135 when I was a teen. *sigh*
There are some parts of being middle-aged that are great. Watching my sons grow into fabulous young men is probably the highlight of my life. Watching loved ones waste away ...
11-08-2010, 12:27 PM
Well, the white beans with tomatoes, scallions and olive oil was delicious ... and stupid. There's no other word for it. Of course, in spite of my tiny helping (the beans probably amounted to two tablespoons), I was RAVENOUS. A few hours later, when Mom wanted more, I ate it, too. Now ... let's just say that my belly is not functioning properly.
Oh Gawd ... it was just a stupid thing to do!
So, today, I made her breakfast and ate nothing. Yes, I had coffee with cream so I got some fat and calories, but no food.
Finally, about fifteen mintues ago, I mixed up some canned tuna with scallions and fresh tomato, red wine vinegar and EVOO. I mixed up hers with some thin scrapes of carrot and elbow macaroni, and mayo (instead of EVOO) with the vinegar.
She wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. I will eat the meatloaf; I will skip the potatoes. I will make broccoli with lots of EVOO and fresh garlic ... I don't know if she'll want that, but I can make whatever she wants, too. I want the broccoli!
Everything is arranged to move her into the facility on Wednesday. The social worker stopped by today and wants me to look into moving her into a facility in New York, to be closer to me, for her emotional support. *shoulder shrug* I'll look. If that's what Mom wants, I will see what needs to be done. The next few weeks will be very telling.
I have to say that, before MDA and the PB, this would have been the kind of situation that would have justified eating more than necessary, regardless of hunger. Before August, this would have been a reason to drink a bottle of wine over the course of a weekend. As long as I don't do crazy things like eat beans (or other non-primal foods), my life is not complicated by erratic blood sugar and uncomfortable physical symptoms. I think it is SO wonderful that I discovered this before this huge responsibility moved from "one day" to "right now".
Thank you, Mark. Thank you everyone here.
11-09-2010, 05:13 PM
B - four links of sausage and two eggs fried in the grease
L - one hard-boiled egg
D - meatloaf with red gravy and brussel sprouts with fresh lemon juice
plain seltzer and fresh lime
11-10-2010, 09:50 PM
Very busy, tough day. Oh ... and long. It was a very long day. Mom is safely in a Skilled Nursiing Facility. I hope she can get stronger and healthier, and return to her place.
I should be sleeping now, but I can't. This is what happened last week. I got up for work on Wednesday morning ... never went to bed ... and started my trek at 4am on Thursday morning. By the time I went to sleep on the hospital cot, I had been up for approaching 40 hours. I just tried to lie down but, after thirty minutes, I knew it was futile.
So ... I will straighten up her place, pack my gear, shower and drive to the airport. Maybe I'll eek out a little nap.
B - hard boiled egg, two cups of coffee with cream
L - deviled egg sandwich on (horrors!) whole wheat bread (no big deal ... it was my last meal with her and it was what she wanted me to make)
S - about six ounces of plain yogurt
D - four Kashi TLC Oatmeal Raisin Flax soft-baked cookies (I was picking up stuff for Mom at Walmart and, a bit stupid with fatique and hunger, picked them up ... I stuck the rest in her freezer for her to enjoy when she gets back home)
I have no idea what I will eat between now and when I finally get back to my place ... in about fifteen hours. I will probably consume way too much coffee with cream. I suspect that I will crash like a lead zeppelin when I drop on my bed. Although I have enjoyed my time with Mom ... and have all kinds of neat healing, peaceful stuff going on inside ... and will really miss the lovely, kind, helpful, thoughtful people of Oklahoma ...
I am looking forward to sleeping in my bed and eating my kind of food.
11-12-2010, 02:57 AM
I slept in my own bed last night. After sleeping on a hospital cot and a recliner for a week, nothing on this earth could have been as heavenly as my own bed. My clock is off but I got ten hours of sleep. I'll get through the day and by Sunday, feel like a new woman.
Although I was up for thirty three hours, it was after a stressful week ... and that is why, I suppose, I feel so much worse than last week, when I had been up longer. I have a lot of inner stuff to process that I did not have the luxury of dealing with, when it was going on. I am going to make it easier on me by going grocery shopping today and keeping everything real simple and real primal.
I feel nauseous and achey, and I know why. I also know that the time for cutting out dairy is nigh. I have been through a lot of shit this week and cutting it out today would be torture. It's not that I eat so much of it but that I have cream in my coffee. I drank so much coffee yesterday that I need a few days to wean myself. In fact, I have a headache coming on and I need to get to a strore soon ... or it's going to be wicked and difficult to tame. I think, by the end of the weekend, it will be time to be tough. No excuses. It will just prolong the agony. I know, in my gut, that once I am off (REALLY OFF) of all dairy, all kinds of good things are going to happen and I am going to say, "I should have done this sooner!" I don't think that is the case for everyone, but I know in my heart of hearts, for a variety of reasons, that is true for me.
I can't plan my meals yet because I have nothing here to eat. I am drinking seltzer but I pretty much ate my consumables before I left. There's some salmon and that curry chicken concoction in the freezer ... some coconut milk and bacon fat in the fridge ... and powdered dark chocolate in the pantry. I am pretty creative but even I can't make anything out of that.
11-14-2010, 10:42 AM
I was having problems logging on yesterday. By the time I figured out the problem, I had indulged in a few hard ciders. Hmm ... I had tilapia with herbs, cooked in olive oil and bacon fat, with fresh spinach thrown on top. Then I went to a baby shower and ate a variety of things that were decidedly non-primal. I think it was a mental/emotional thing. It wasn't like I said, "Ooooh! I want that!". It tasted fine but I know that, next time, it won't be a great hardship to be more selective.
I just ate an avocado and downed 1600 IU Vit D, 400 mg Calcium Citrate, and 200 mg Magnesium Oxide with a lemon seltzer chaser. mmmmmm ... tasty!
It's been twenty hours since I last ate. My stomach was growling and I was getting a headache, but I still marvel at how all those nasty hypoglycemic symptoms are gone. What a shame ... all those years of following CW and suffering horribly. Whatever. The past is gone and it's not a problem anymore. =)