Stop Staring! :) (ok don't!) page 2

[TigerLily]

Thanks, doll. I'm working on it. I wear a wedding ring (even though I'm not married) as protection. (Yeah, so I've got issues -- LOL.) I admire and am inspired by your progress. It's a tough one.

[cillakat]

I'm 6'7", I've been stared at pretty much my whole life. My one friend told me he preferred to walk behind me in the university halls because then he got to see all

You are 19 inches taller than me. omg!

I have some pretty damn tall relatives (nephews, cousins, step brothers .....6'3-6'6) that I was recently visiting.....My head is right below sternum level when hugging them. lol

Oh that I might have gotten just a *little* of our dutch/norwegian height. But let me tell you, in Italy I know I've found my people. lol *my people*

[divafern]

Your post touched me. Excessive, unwanted attention is one of the reasons why I gained weight in the first place. I called it asshole-padding (pardon my french). I only got attention from the men who were truly interested in me, not just my body. I hated all the unwanted attention (I won't bore you with the stories) but once I started gaining I felt like that part of my life got so much better. Now? Not so much, because I've gained too much, can't shed it, and have started dealing with the ugly side of being overweight (health problems). This is something I've thought about a *lot* because every time I've lost weight in the past all the unwanted attention started up again (regardless of a wedding ring) and I know it's something I'll likely have to face again. At least I'm older now so ... maybe that will help.

[cillakat]

Thanks, doll. I'm working on it. I wear a wedding ring (even though I'm not married) as protection. (Yeah, so I've got issues -- LOL.) I admire and am inspired by your progress. It's a tough one.

Yah. I used to like literally hide from people at times. Also, I had a stalker once.....in high school actually and it got really - really - scary before anyone took seriously. So I think that had a very sigificant affect.

I swear though that getting lots of D and saturated fat have helped a lot.

Yesterday, I had a massage and took off my wedding ring - something i never ever ever do. Like I even leave it on when cooking, baking, sleeping. I never take it off (not even for manicures). But I really needed my hands worked on so I took it off.

Anyway, forgot to put it on last night and sure enough.......out for dinner with a friend.....

So yeah, it's a layer of protection....but all of the other recent times I've been wearing it, incl the time at Target so *shrug* who knows......

I hope that over time you feel more and more comfortable with letting their stuff be their stuff. Ya know....another thing that helped me was reading Way of the Superior Man. Oddly enough.

[TigerLily]

I struggled with this tremendously in my 20s and really, I never found a way to deal with it. Being both cute and very friendly/warm meant that many people got the wrong idea and I was constantly dealing with men who misinterpreted my eye contact or other signals. My way of dealing with it? I stopped looking at people, stopped talking to people and stopped being any kind of social, ever....for well over 10 years.

This is my story, exactly!

I never have been able to figure out how to decline advances without the guy hating me/glaring at me for YEARS(!~)/making things lies about me within my rock community. It's embarrassing to say that I'm 40 and I've not figured out how to navigate all this. Best to just be unavailable, across the board, and avoid the drama. Unfortunately, however, on a rare blue moon, a guy will actually pique my interest.... and -- gah! -- he sees the ring.

[TigerLily]

@divafern: Just curious. How tall are you? Cillakat is 5' 2", I am 5' 0". I am wondering if our small size is part of what makes/made us feel unsafe.

I find it fascinating that some women absolutely crave attention and will go out of their way to get it, and then others are (literally) hiding out in bathrooms.

[LemonFreshScent]

I'm 6'7", I've been stared at pretty much my whole life. My one friend told me he preferred to walk behind me in the university halls because then he got to see all the people turn and point and such when i walked by.

Played football with a guy who's 6'6", he didn't like walking with me in the halls cause he didn't like the attention he got on his own let alone when there were two "freaks" walking together.

haha cool! Tall guys are the best! My man is 6'5 and a 1/2... and I'm usually wearing at least 2-3 inch heals so we get stared at for being giants together... i'm 5'10 without the heels...

I love getting checked out when we are together... cuz he can beat up the creeps!

[LemonFreshScent]

I find it fascinating that some women absolutely crave attention and will go out of their way to get it, and then others are (literally) hiding out in bathrooms.

Its probably a personality thing along with diet, upbringing and all kinds of stuff thrown in together. I personally don't want the limelight in general. I prefer to work behind the scenes. I'm comfortable being an assistant... i love it in fact.

Other people were born for the spotlight... and losing weight today makes you stand out because so many people look like crap.

We wouldn't have this problem if everyone was in shape.

I'm going to just learn to enjoy it somehow. Maybe there is self hypnosis to help you get the right mindset for this!

[Egoldstein]

Your post touched me. Excessive, unwanted attention is one of the reasons why I gained weight in the first place.

ditto

in my early years, I would always be self-conscious about looking too good. As a lone woman in a male industry, accusations of sleeping with the boss, etc.. seemed to drive me to dressing dowdily and once I started to lose weight, to sabatoge myself in the end of the day. It wasn't until I was in my mid-30's that I became more comfortable with my body and allowed myself to wear sleeveless shirts.

[Grol]

I've added this thread to the long list of reasons I'm glad I'm not a girl.