When handed to me by others, I do whatever it takes to get. that. shit. done. When I give them to myself...well, things just don't really go as "planned." When I initially moved into television, I gave myself a year to get into scripted/episodic television. Some people luck into it. Most people are just friends and relatives. It wound up taking me 2.5 years. Or thereabouts. And that was just to transition. I still have to concern myself with new jobs pretty often.
So why in the hell did I expect myself to meet a deadline on something I'd never actually done before? I think when it comes to weight loss, we're all just so eager to see it happen, we become obsessed with it. We're constantly monitoring it. When we gain weight, we (I) deny it. We ignore it. It's harder to see that it actually crept up than just whooshed in overnight. Though, sometimes it really has happened that way...
I gave myself a year to reach a goal weight. A weight I had never been at my entire adult life - a weight that I only came remotely close to in starving myself (with a dose of CW) years ago. And I was still skinny fat. I had given myself a year to lose the fat (based on my astounding calculations, right?!). Sigh. What the hell was I thinking. Instead, I made it to a point where I was more comfortable in my own skin. I stayed there for a while, just "hanging out." Not worrying too much. But then...it slowly started coming back. Starch is a hard beast to kick. It gives me a satisfied feeling that protein/fat/veg never does. Sugar is even worse. The stuff is far more addictive than I gave it credit for. Being stressed out over the past year probably didn't help. I didn't want to think about my food so much. Well, consequences.
I question whether or not I'll ever reach my goals. I figure to lose the amount of body fat I need to lose, it'd put me around 145 lbs. Maybe a little less. Okay. There's a goal. I won't really care what I weigh if my body fat is down. It was just a number to put ahead of me. I've obviously set myself back many months. I am realizing my pitfalls and how much emotion plays a role. My willpower has been so low. I can accomplish many goals, and for some reason...being not fat (or chubby, or whatever) is something I haven't figured out. I've done the research. I know why I should pick things over others. But still...I make bad choices. There are some deep seated issues!
Based on other seemingly impossible goals I've set for myself...one thing stands out - I never give myself enough time. It happens, but it takes a while. Okay. No more deadlines. I still have goals. Right now it's - don't gain any more. Try to start going in reverse again. No numbers for now. Just focus on how your clothes are feeling and draping. I just want to feel good in my clothes again right now. The scale can weight (get it? eh? EH?).