Deira wants to be a trucker
I wanted to start a jounal for a while now (I'm following Primal Blueprint since last November or so, so for a year now), but always put it off or forgot about it.
I wrote a rather lengthy summary of my life a while ago in introductions, I'm just gonna leave it here if anybody wants to read it.
I was unemployed during Summer, but I was doing really great, dropped weight, improved my health a lot. For the first time in my life, I could take walks, I could even RUN without even thinking about pain. I was very thankful to MDA for showing me that it was possible for me to live without pain.
I got a new job in August, and had to move across the country to start it. It was a life-changing experience. After only a few weeks at my new workplace, I became a whole different person - or rather, I allowed myself to be who I really was around other people. I always felt awkward around people, especially people I didn't know. I never knew what to say, or how to react to what they did.
With my new co-workers, I just felt myself. I was myself. It's a weird thing to say maybe, as the only woman among over a hundred men, most of them old enough to be my father, but I feel at home with them, I feel safe.
I work for a large grocery store chain, one of the largest in Germany - though I don't have to do anything with the actual stores. I'm in logicstics. I'm on my way to become a professional truck driver. This has been my dream since I was a kid, though I always wanted to go on long distance traffic. I'm working in delivery now, and I even think it's better for me than long distance traffic. I get back home after my 8-9 hours and I don't spend the day in the car.
Actually, my work is more moving heavy things around, and less driving than you might thing.
The downside is, since I'm an apprentice - and will be for 2,5 years yet - I don't have much money. I can barely pay my bills.
As a result, I don't have money to buy real food often enough. I usually eat lunch at the canteen. It's cheap. It's not that bad overall, but not that good in terms of paleo/primal principles, though I don't think that my lunch is the main suspect. It's still mostly real food.
But I need to lose weight again. Not much. Just about 4-5 pounds. Should be able to do this after the holidays have passed.
Iíve been eating too much junk food lately, since I have no money to buy real food as often as I would like to. Iíve been eating cheap chocolate and too many bananas. Sometimes four in a day. Also lots of potatoes, though I donít really suspect potatoes. Thatís like, carb overkill for me. My body is not used to carbs anymore.
I also donít really have time to prepare real food anymore. Or space. I donít even have a freezer.
And the main reason is, the inner sides of my thighs started touching again and that means my pants will decay, and I donít have money to buy new pants, so these pounds have to go.
Maybe writing about it will help me focus on not eating junk food again. Also I get a place to share truck driver stories.
I'll most likely edit this post when I get back from work.
Today I managed to eat a 'real' breakfast. 2 eggs with a slice of bacon and a slice of cheese. It was about 5 AM. (This week I'm getting up at 4:30.)
Work is rather stressful right now. I have headaches and my shoulder is pretty much dead - again. An old problem, this. I have dislocated it as a child. It kind of slips out now and then. It hurts for days afterwards. I have an appointment about it in two weeks. I wish it could be earlier, but my doctor's all busy.
Regardless of breakfast, I got very hungry at our first break about 9 o'clock, so I had a small portion of tomato soup at the canteen. There was chicken liver and mashed potatoes with a small salad for lunch, around midday.
I always eat lunch at work. It's not ideal, but it's cheap, and it's mostly real food that I can't otherwise afford.
Haven't eaten anything since then, but I'm not hungry yet. Maybe I'll have some fried eggplant later.
Sunday. My day off... anything, actually. I slept for 12 hours straight. Must have been very exhausted from the week. Then I spend the last 3 hours sitting at the PC actively doing nothing.
I have not eaten anything for the last 20 hours, I think. Slowly becoming hungry now. My food choices the last two days haven't been that bad, but not perfect either. Weight was around 145 pounds today. I want that 5 pounds to disappear. I kept my weight for almost a year, and I want it to go back there, because it was a good weight, I felt good, I looked good.
It changed because I took on the habit of eating Bounty Bars at work, almost daily. I had only one this week, which is an improvement.
My general well-being has improved greatly this past year, though I still get bouts of depression sometimes. I guess it doesn't just go away, despite what people say. I get that talk very often. 'You have to think positive, and you will be just fine'. 'You have to let the past behind.' If it was that easy.
Today is almost one of those days. Not quite, but almost. I just spend half an hour under the shower. Just standing there. Turning the water off and getting out was too much of an effort. I managed it, eventually.
I have to clean the kitchen and prepare some real food. I have some beef heart in the fridge. I hope it's still good, I bought it yesterday wanting to prepare it immediately but life had other plans for me. I even bought a piece of ginger especially for it, and some fresh herbs.
At least my shoulder hurts less after the shower, which might help me cleaning the kitchen.
Also getting real hungry now. Time to do things.