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  1. #1
    MuchLove's Avatar
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    Things Can Only Get Better

    Hi, and welcome to my journal since you happen to be reading it

    I discovered "paleo" and "primal" eating last June and for a long time I used it to improve my health a lot. However, recently things have been very bad for me and for a long time I have been losing hope. This journal is my attempt at inspiring and motivating myself by sharing my journey back towards health with a hopefully encouraging community.

    I'm not really sure I'm ready to go into the intricacies of everything that has gone wrong at this time, but hopefully things are going to be on their way to being so positive that none of it matters!

    I have a sort of vague plan in mind for the next week or so. For the next three days I'm going to be doing the potato hack, which I have previously found useful for helping soothe my stomach and my mind. Then I'll have one very nutritious day of eating, followed by another three days of potato. After that I'll most likely do one more nutritious food day and one more potato hack day before returning to normal eating for the weekend.

    I've got 950g (raw weight) of potato in my pressure cooker in preparation for tomorrow. I usually find that this amount of potato is very filling and satisfying - maybe too much so, but I'd rather have too much on hand than prepare too little and go off track.

    I'm trying to be hopeful for the future right now. I feel like this journal is a good start.

  2. #2
    MuchLove's Avatar
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    I'm feeling very hopeless tonight which is sad...after my potatoes are cooked I think I'm going to have a very early night and hope that tomorrow is better...

  3. #3
    angela's Avatar
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    The MDA community is awesome, muchlove. You'll find lots of people here who will become your vocal cheerleaders, and there will be many more silent ones reading along and wishing the best for you, too. Just keep journaling...even when no one is responding. The dialogue you have with yourself is really what's most important!

    Sent from my VS985 4G using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app
    "Locked up inside you like the calm beneath castles is a cavern of treasures that no one has been to....let's go digging" ~ Maynard James Keenan

    I am Angela, Southern Fried Primal... http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread106998.html

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    I have watched friends struggle to find a balance, but eating right and accepting it takes time is the key. You can do it!
    Male 40 Years Old
    210 LBs - 5/14/12 - SW
    ??? LBs- GW
    36"- Starting pant size
    32" - Current Pant size

  5. #5
    MuchLove's Avatar
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    Thanks guys, its nice to get encouragement after only one post!

    I usually get up around 6am and exercise before going to work but today I was anticipating feeling very crap so I let myself have a lie in. I've just packed two potatoes (half of what I cooked) for lunch and drunk some delicious oolong tea. Now I'm going to shower and then cycle to work.

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    MuchLove's Avatar
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    I'm only half a day in and already I'm scrapping my original plan!

    Some stuff has happened today which has made me see that this is not working. What I'm doing right now is not helping. I need to let go of my self hatred and my fear and accept the way things are right now. It's going to take me a while to fix. There isn't going to be an overnight fix but things are going to be OK.

    I don't want to think about the rest of the day. But tomorrow I'm going to start approaching this from a rational, moderate and LOVING perspective.

  7. #7
    MuchLove's Avatar
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    I can't wait for it to be tomorrow. Things are not going to be hopeless for me any longer. I don't have work for three days so I have three days to get myself in a positive mindset before I have to actually face people that know me. I am supposed to be going out on Saturday night but I am not feeling like I will be up for that. I know I'll be a bit miserable being isolated like this but it will also give me time to get myself feeling well again.

  8. #8
    MuchLove's Avatar
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    It's a new day and I have so many plans! Actually the plans are necessary for me to make it through this day without being completely disheartened by everything that's happened over the last few months and where I've allowed myself to end up...

    But enough of that! I got up around 9.30am, drank some very nice ginseng oolong tea and then went for a half an hour walk. After that I came back and did some pretty simple (and sadly too easy - my home weights aren't heavy enough) strength training, had a shower and did a bit of tidying up. First food of the day was a Peat carrot salad. This is not breakfast! It's not a meal! It's just something I'm going to try for a bit. One carrot, one spoon coconut oil, one spoon vinegar and a bit of salt. Zingy, fresh and hopefully will have some beneficial effects.

    As mentioned yesterday, my new plan is not about extremes. There will be no low carb, or low fat, or mono-dieting here. The aim is that my first meal of the day (not including the carrot salad!) should be something delicious and really really nourishing. It need to satisfy my mind as well as my body and not leave me feeling deprived.

    I'm setting myself lots of goals and targets to keep going. Like I said, I don't think I'll be going out tomorrow night as much as I wish I could. I'm just not feeling confident enough. But next Saturday I want to feel good enough about myself to go to an amazing rave in Manchester with a mate. So that's the first target! Second target is for the Saturday after - there's another rave, this time local and I REALLY want to be looking/feeling awesome by then.

    I need small, simple steps to take for the next three days. I'm going to keep exercise light and simple. The aim is for at least an hour of walking plus one "exercise session". Today that was the strength stuff, tomorrow I'll do a very quick bit of HIIT, and Sunday it will be some gentle yoga. I'm also going to be making sure I get tonnes of sleep.

    I'm not going to be expecting a quick fix for anything any more. I'm going to work hard for my long term goals which are:

    *Awesome fitness - I want to be kicking ass with the martial arts I do, powering up hills everytime I go cycling and getting even more flexible (I'm slightly hyper-flexible already)

    *Great skin - Eurgh I'm 24 and I'm still spotty. Gross. Need to stop fiddling with my face!

    *A more stable mood or at least the ability to cope when my mood isn't stable - this is a big one and it's why I'm not allowing myself to do extremes any more. It's not good for me.

    Right now I'm nervous about being lonely this weekend and hoping I don't fuck things up...I want to be hopeful but the first couple of days are always the hardest and I wish I didn't have to cope with it all by myself.

  9. #9
    Rig D's Avatar
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    Welcome back. It sounds like you have a lot of issues you are dealing with, so these may affect how your body responds to getting back into Primal. On the other hand, getting Primal may well improve your ability to handle the emotional side. I would suggest just following the basic Primal program for a while, avoiding all the hacks, etc. You've done that and seen good results before, so give it another go for a while before you start tinkering. Your last post sounds like you are on target, working for the long term benefit is great.
    The Buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future. So for today: I choose to be happy. I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.

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    MuchLove's Avatar
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    So bored today, I regret taking the time off.

    Had grilled sprats with sweet potato and dill mash (cooked in bone broth with ginger, chillies, garlic) around 2pm. I had already been for a second walk, and in the afternoon I took a third, so well over an hour today.

    Did some boring house stuff. Then had boiled eggs in spicy tomato sauce with a tonne of gelatin chucked in. Not really hungry but it was tasty. I'm not going to say the calories because it was all very low today and I don't want anyone to think that I'm encouraging that. Will likely eat more tomorrow.

    Still...so bored and fed up. Probably going to vape for a bit now just to cheer myself up.

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