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Thread: The World According to Grokalicious (more magic, more happiness, more fun) page

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    The World According to Grokalicious (more magic, more happiness, more fun)

    Primal Fuel
    Here I am again. I thought it time to not only start a new and improved chapter in my life but to start a new and, hopefully, improved journal here. I'm going to be easier on myself in some ways this time around. Maybe, just maybe, I can truly embrace my humanness and my clay feet along with my high personal expectations. Yes, yes. Game on.

    I've been working out like a mad woman, eating healthfully and primally for the most part. I enjoyed, no...savoured a rice pudding last night. I don't feel even slightly bad about it. It was just too creamy and textural and yummy to do anything other than roll my eyes gently and sigh a wee bit in pleasure.

    Ahhhh, pleasure. Well, there is that. And, the Frenchman too. Oh, I'm not jumping in quite so quickly with both feet (one foot, yes, ha) but I did spend last weekend with him. Lots of giggling and laughing and jokes and dinners and lunches out and...well, everything good. On the heels of many texts, lots of phone calls and tears and laughter and connection, there was ultimately togetherness and, yes, joy. <insert contented sigh here>

    I'm in the process of revamping my VoiceOver demo. Actually, not me as much as my Sound Engineer. My job is listening to all of my auditions and finding the really great ones and sending to him. He will winnow them down and we will cut the not-so-awesome bits out of the original and add in more fabulousness. I wish I could attach a sound file here so you could hear! After that, I will send out to agents because it's time for a new agent. Then, veneers, new head shots and a commercial/theatrical agent and, voila! More work.

    I can now do one solid chin up. Not much but enough to encourage me to do more. Squats and lunges going well, everything in that arena, really. Except abs. I just don't seem to hit them right. I'm going to look up some anatomy photos of muscles so I can actually acquire a practical idea of how they work. I'd still like to drop 5-6 vanity pounds, but this is probably just a teensy bit of obsessiveness on my part.

    My happiness feels good to me, like a light blanket I toss over myself before I nap. Comforting and secure. Again, life is good. I've missed expressing myself here. It's the only place in which I can do so sans censorship. My place to show the world my most authentic self. Hopes, fears, all of it.

    And, that is that.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 09-27-2014 at 04:54 PM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    That wistful smile

    I feel wistful most Sundays. Even more so this last Sunday of Summer 2014. The end of summer. Isn't that what we get wistful over the most? The end of something, missing something etc. I'm smiling though!

    I remember one summer a zillion years ago right after I graduated high school. I was barely 17 for a month when I graduated and on that last day of school the summer seemed to stretch out ahead of me endlessly. Full of the promise of laughter and fun and the beach and surfing, bonfires and parties and nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about. The next morning I ambled down the hallway toward the breakfast nook when I overheard my parents arguing quietly about me. My mom insisted that I get a job and work for the summer. My dad was adamantly against it. There was just no talking him into it. Back and forth they volleyed, but he simply wasn't budging. He held on to the belief that I needed one last carefree summer before I embraced adulthood. College and their move from Los Angeles were just around the corner in October. Plenty of time to face reality. And, so it was. Carefree, idyllic, first love, sun kissed days, and lots of silly laughter with friends. I think that final day of summer, right before college started and escrow opened on the house in which I grew up, was wistfulness personified. I always think of that day when I feel that nostalgic melancholy.

    Anyway, a great weekend was had. I worked out hard in the gym, ate well but on point mostly, watched a silly movie with a dear friend and am now planning my attack for the week ahead. I looked up some article on how to train to do chinups (for women) and am bound and determined to get to 5 reps by year's end. I'm doing negatives and isometric stuff and have decreased reps on upper back, chest and shoulders into the 6 rep range to build strength. Fingers crossed. Primal chili is slowly cooking on the stove (smells delish!) and I need to figure out what's next.

    Spoke multiple times to Frenchy over the weekend but am still taking it slowly. His life and job and dreams seem to be leading him back to Los Angeles so we shall see what we shall see. I'm thrilled that we've worked through so much, which feels good and I'm just going to focus on what I want in my life and go for it. In all arenas. I've always been one to jump head first into any and all challenges without fear so will do this once again. I just need to write myself a little road map, or throw down bread crumbs or something.

    Onward and upward and all that.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 09-27-2014 at 04:56 PM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    The ease of transcending

    I believe that with a strong positive attitude you can transcend anything. Of course, I could be wrong, but this is such a core belief of mine that it's unlikely I'll ever let go of it.

    I had a lot to transcend when I grew up but only realized it while looking back on all of my childhood. Only then could I truly see it. Oh, I didn't grow up poor or hungry. I grew up in an upper middle class home deep in the hills in the suburbs of Los Angeles. My parents were both television writers. My Dad wrote television mostly before my day when television was in New York. Shows like Dick Powell Presents, Checkmate, The US Steel Hour (one of his scripts is in the Library of Congress) and then he wrote for episodic television during the sixties when they moved to the house I grew up in. My Mom was the Head Writer on one of the most popular shows of that era. A show considered a little risqué for its time although now would be thought of as rather tame.

    Anyway...everything was pretty normal for this only child until I hit 12. Then there was nothing but a maelstrom of weirdness. I hated it. I never knew what I was going to find when I got home. Now remember, the start of this for me was 1970 and there was still a lot of messed up stuff happening on the heels of those wildly turbulent sixties. Lots of "recreational" things being consumed, strange people filling my house, me having to babysit adults on field trips. One time, they all went to some place in the country, a half hour outside of the city, making me tag along at 4 am. They got out there and kept picking up all of these stupid rocks, remarking on each one's specific beauty and putting them in the trunk of the car. Oohs and aahs and more weirdness. Finally, we drove back to the house, they went to sleep and I went to school. When I got home from school they all wanted to know why there were a bunch of ugly rocks in the trunk of the car. Why had I put them there? Ha. My parents were very close friends with Bear, who some of you have written about on this forum. You can do the math about him and those times, I'm sure. We'd go to a lot of the Dead's concerts. And end up back stage (I was always soooo mortified) and I'd invariably be admonished to not eat or drink anything (for obvious reasons). Baby fox kits in our living room, bass players from other really popular groups, people recreating, other strangers attempting to convince my parents to join Scientology (didn't happen) and me attempting to navigate puberty. My intelligence is what saved me. I skipped a year of school and left home the second that I could. Stayed friends with most of the cast of characters, including Bear, who briefly became a sort of surrogate Dad for me after mine died and we kept up quite a correspondence. I'm actually a coffee addict partly because of him. And, tried his way of eating until I could no longer. My only regret is not having gone to Oz to visit him. His untimely death hit me almost as hard as my Dad's did. Anyway...I managed to have a happy childhood and young adulthood, regardless. I transcended circumstances.

    Today I transcended several things, none as intense as the tale I just told. I woke up and tried to talk myself out of the gym. Luckily, it didn't work and I ended up having a great workout. I tried to talk myself out of everything today and was off, off, off. Still quite hot here and people were saying not-so-nice things to me like "wow, you look tired." I did, so there was that. Everyone has an off day and you just can't let those days define you! If I could live through 5 solid years of absolute weirdness as a tween to teen and still thrive, I can do anything. So can you.

    Tomorrow's goals are to have a better attitude and to stay happy no matter what. Surely there's a pearl of something wonderful hidden in tomorrow somewhere. I'm going to find it.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 09-30-2014 at 09:18 PM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    Reading tea leaves, augers, and signs

    I've always fancied myself the girl who can figure out anything that's coming by reading tea leaves. Metaphorically, of course. I'll search fervently between the lines, feel out the situation as well as the road ahead. If it's someone who I don't know that I'm reading, I'm golden. If I know them, forget it. I'll just make up scenarios that never ever come to pass or, if they do, are utterly different than anticipated. I thought I'd given up doing that, but if the last few days are any indication, not so much.

    To be honest, I have had weird moments of knowing things before they happen but they are usually big things and huge events over which I have no control. Deaths in the family, for one. I knew my great grandfather had died before being told. I saw the Northridge earthquake crumble buildings twenty four hours before the ground shook. And I could have won a bet that a military helicopter whose power failed would end up whirly-gigging to its demise in the ocean near San Francisco. It did. Each time, I had a dream the evening before in full blown technicolor, I could hear the sounds, feel things tactilely and go through the whole gambit of emotions as though these events were really happening. It's been that way my whole life although I've turned it down a lot because it's irritating to only know when bad things are going to occur. Why can't I dream of the winning Powerball numbers?. Every so often I know something easy and simple, which isn't so bad...Years ago, when I lived in Napa, a friend dragged me to a psychic that he went on and on about. How great she was, that her predictions were always right, ad nauseaum. I went in after his reading with Madame Oracle and she looked me once over and I knew she was an utter fraud. She finally took a deep breath and told me she couldn't read me. She just knew that I had figured out she was full of it. She was!

    I've spent the last few days looking for augers about what to do next. Twirling the tea leaves around in my cup and trying really hard to not throw in the towel. To not give up. I don't know where to turn for advice and relying on myself to sort through the options isn't going to do me a bit of good. I don't even know what to do for workouts and I waffle between having a desire to eat comfort food (gnocchi? I hate that stuff but it sounds good right now) and not being able to choke down anything other than protein shakes or eggs. My HIIT stamina is miserable and I am currently building it back up. I just feel flat. This should be my cue to be gentler to myself, to acknowledge my humanness and realize it's okay to feel like giving up on my dreams. I won't actually give up, but it's okay to have that feeling now and then.

    Sometimes, the burden of remaining optimistic suffocates the living hell out of me. But, you know what? This too shall pass. Of that much, I am certain.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 10-17-2014 at 08:51 AM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    The leap of blind faith

    For all of my positivity, it's still somewhat daunting to take the leap of faith needed to move closer to all of my dreams. It feels like I'm standing with trembling legs at the edge of a cliff, blindfolded, and then with a determined gasp, I take a deep breath and plunge into the unknown. And, in so doing, prove that I am absolutely sure that something soft and cushy will gently break my fall at the bottom. At the same time, there is the tiniest frisson coursing up my spine...an excitement that underscores everything.

    This is how I feel all of the time right now, searching for the answers that get me there. You could call it faith or trust or whatever. But, without it, no one can win or achieve their dreams except by default which is seldom enough to propel one anywhere. I'm going to keep being a brave girl and just BELIEVE that everything will work out for me. Perfectly. How about that?

    The pressure is endless at times, the temptation great to push everything I want and love away from me. To give up before I even try. Ah, if it were limited to one aspect of my life, it would be easier. But, it's everywhere. My creative goals, my long distance love affair with the Frenchman, my career. Everywhere. Blind faith. I am ready to take that plunge...blindfolded or not. It's what's needed to get where I want to go and have what I want to have.

    And, so I shall.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 09-30-2014 at 08:36 AM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    Best wishes for success, excitement, and a gentle bounce... and I'm so glad you came back as I enjoy the little snippets of life you share.
    M2M

    "Nonspecific strength gains have to be converted into real improvements in athletic performance or they are not useful."
    - Training for the New Alpinism by Steve House and Scott Johnston

    Primal Journal: Hmm, I'll take this path...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meant2Move View Post
    Best wishes for success, excitement, and a gentle bounce... and I'm so glad you came back as I enjoy the little snippets of life you share.
    Thanks! That made me smile. I like sharing here for some reason, and it's nice to see I'm not boring people to death.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    The point of no return.

    It's time. I can feel it so intensely that to deny its existence would be like denying life itself, which won't happen. An inaudible yet palpable click that once I sense, I know I'm past the point of no return. I'm there now. I've been there before, although historically it's been around ending romances. It was even mentioned in my last journal about the epiphany I had when I left a man who bored me to tears. Same click. Same feeling of never going back.

    This time it's about work. After yesterday's intermittent verbal abuse from my boss, capped off by a litany of expletives on the phone, I felt the click. And, after that, she sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher before I got off of the phone. Waaaaah wahhh. Gone baby gone. Me, I mean. After I hung up, I panicked a moment. But then this quiet calm descended and I not only knew I was going to be ok moving forward, I felt I was going to thrive. I wish I had the bank account to warrant making some wildly dramatic move, like quitting on the spot, but sadly I do not. Instead, I made some calls this morning and met with my friend, H, who I spoke of in my old journal. We were going to start our own wine brokerage but put it on hold for various reasons. We met today and hashed it out at length. It's on. Perhaps once we start selling and making money, I can make some sweeping exit from my current job, simply because I like that sort of thing under the right circumstances. I've not told the Frenchman yet, but I know he will applaud my choice.

    Needless to say, my Mom thought it was a horrible idea. Look at the wine classified ads on winejobs.com, she said. Go speak to a Recruiter, she cajoled. Nope. I told her that I'm perfectly capable of putting my neck on the line. If I succeed (which is obviously the plan), great. If I fall flat on my pretty little face, so be it. But, it's my life and my choice. To quote Blues Traveler, coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace. Something I'm unlikely to do.

    I never made it to the gym today. After last night's debacle with my boss, I slept poorly. I'll make it tomorrow. Hopefully, I can manage to eat something soon. My appetite is non existent...but at least my moxie is in full swing. Watch out, world. Grokalicious has a plan.
    Last edited by Grokalicious; 10-05-2014 at 05:16 PM.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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    I had a similar experience at work nearly 4 years ago. I was called into my supervisor's office and accused of things I didn't do or say, and I figured that if I didn't leave voluntarily I'd be fired soon. I left her office, went to my desk, and started rewriting my resume. I had a job offer the next day, which I took as a sign. Turns out the new job didn't give me as many hours as they'd promised, and money was tight for a while, but I don't regret leaving. I hope you can escape from that toxic situation and do something fulfilling.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app

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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    Quote Originally Posted by shuttlebug View Post
    I had a similar experience at work nearly 4 years ago. I was called into my supervisor's office and accused of things I didn't do or say, and I figured that if I didn't leave voluntarily I'd be fired soon. I left her office, went to my desk, and started rewriting my resume. I had a job offer the next day, which I took as a sign. Turns out the new job didn't give me as many hours as they'd promised, and money was tight for a while, but I don't regret leaving. I hope you can escape from that toxic situation and do something fulfilling.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app
    Toxicity can be very galvanizing and motivating. I'm out of there for sure. Sometimes, like your experience, the money isn't great right away, but that's okay too. Thanks for stopping by.
    If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
    never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

    Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker


    Memento vivere!!!
    Grokalicious

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