BATTLING DEMONS ....one at a time.
Hi Folks, hope you are all doing ok ?
Well, I've been here before, a year ago, when I found PB, found it suited me, and found it pretty easy.
I also realised that, after 6 weeks, I was not going to be one of those people that lose weight easily on this way of eating without monitoring and adjusting calories so had started down that route, but life got in the way with massive amounts of stress and complication, injury and ill health so I let it all slide.
Yesterday I was 47 years old (how did that happen ???) , weighing several lbs over my own personal 'scary' limit, tired, lethargic, bloated, massively addicted to sugar and carbs (cake !!!) and feeling out of control.
I have known for a while that I had to get back to Primal but couldn't figure out the best way to do it, to get it right, like trying to untangle a knot when you can't find the end........so I stopped thinking (overthinking) and just dived right in and decided that, with my complicated job/life the only way is to banish the demons one by one until I am properly Primal and hope I relearn what I need to know on the way.
First Demon - Sugar
It rules my life, makes me eat stupid things that I regret and make me feel ill and out of control. It makes me binge. It makes me tired physically and emotionally and is my worst addiction.
....so yesterday morning I just stopped.
I also stopped my Second Demon - bread/rice/potato/pasta.
I'd had no time to plan or buy in new food so had to make do with what was around which, yesterday was
- veg soup with a packet of turkey rasher, cooked in butter
- avocado with balsamic
- 2 large mugs of coffee with splenda, full fat milk and coconut milk
- a bag of spinach cooked in butter
- full fat greek yoghurt with coconut milk and sugar free caramel syrup
I did ok, kept busy and didn't feel deprived until late evening when I usually get the munchies. I couldn't give in to the sugar demon so.... damage limitation I ate a handful of crisps (potato chips) and enjoyed the crunch.
It might seem a bit of a haphazard way to restart Primal but I know myself and, whilst I am an excellent planner and list maker, I am also a procrastinator who has put off this restart so many times now I am ashamed of myself
so I figured I just had to jump in and hope I remembered how to swim !
I did, I think :-)
I certainly felt better and more positive this morning, and my wheat belly was already a lot smaller.
Onwards with today (Tuesday) and had to try and plan how to get some more Primal food, not so easy as I think I have the silliest and most un Primal friendly job in the world.... more in the next post.
Last edited by Dragonette; 07-18-2014 at 06:39 AM.
Reason: Change of attitude
My job - I am a Maternity Nurse (non medical) otherwise known as a baby nanny. I go to live with a family with a newborn for 4 to 6 weeks, where I work (usually around London) 24 hours, 6 days a week looking after the baby and training the parents.
I have had sleep interruption and deprivation for 22 yrs so I have no sleep patterns, insomnia and permanent tiredness which affects everything I do.
I also basically have to cope with a new fridge/families way of eating/shopping etc every few weeks so I can't plan food, stock up on ingredients, cook in advance, eliminate bad foods from my sight.
New baby means celebration which means cake, pastry, cupcakes, chocolates and take away food and champagne ! Very hard to resist when totally surrounded by it all.
I only have 2 hours off a day (sometimes none at all) in which I have to shop, exercise and sleep (usually sleep gets priority)
When I do get to eat it is often at short notice, with little preparation time, and can be interrupted at any moment (unless I eat in my 2 hrs off).
I get tired and stressed and bored (at various times) so I comfort eat.
I can't distract myself from cheating by the usual methods of going for a walk, watching a film, having a bath, etc because I am always on duty.
Exercise is very difficult.
Now, sometimes these are reasons for failure, and sometimes just excuses as, with careful planning and bucketloads of determination it IS still possible to overcome all these obstacles (unless I am shirking or procrastinating !) and once I am in the zone it gets a lot easier.
So, back to today, I start the day with a large coffee with milk and coconut milk which is creamy and satisfying and counts as breakfast as I can't seem to eat much before 11am without feeling sick.
I then planned that I would go shopping at 1pm in my 2 hrs off, as there was nothing much in this house suitable, then the baby's Mum says she is going food shopping and will pick up what I want (cooked chicken, eggs, butter, soups, mince beef). Great ! .....not great :-( as she then texted to say a friend way on her way over to see the baby and she was coming back....so no food for me. It was 3pm before I got chance to scavenge the kitchen and could only find remaining soup and turkey rashers again. Not complaining though as very tasty.
Next chance to eat was 7.30pm and could only find tofu frankfurters...not sure I like them but ok, and, though processed, were low carb. Also had some blueberries left in the freezer for nibbling.
Not a great diet day but I didn't feel hungry at all, probably because I have spent hours, in between working, reading posts and journals on here.
That is REALLY helping me so thank you everyone :-) :-)
The shop was done online and will arrive tomorrow afternoon so I should be ok then and it will give me time to really get organised and sorted, just the morning to deal with and I found some Brie in their fridge and hid it so no one else eats it lol x
I know this is a random sort of journal at the moment but I'm sure will settle down over the next few days.
In a way the random suddenness of my Primal restart coinciding with a busy (slightly chaotic job) has made the first couple of days easier to cope with and am feeling slightly 'buzzing' rather than deprived so I feel pretty good about my chances this time :-).
Baby has just finished his last feed so I am going to grab some sleep now and catch up again tomorrow. Sleep well :-) x
Well, strange night last night as I couldn't get back to sleep after baby's feed at 3 am mainly because I was feeling excited about getting back to Primal and the good feeling continued when I woke up :-)
I weighed myself (on of my Demons) and am 1lb down on 2 days ago, plus, my 'last resort' trousers which were unbearably tight on Sunday are now bearable again......that is wheat belly disappearing so am seeing positive improvements already :-)
Food delivery just arrived and so now I have plenty of protein and veggies (and butter !) for the next few days.
After I had unpacked it all I realised I didn't even feel hungry but made myself eat a chicken leg anyway because another thing I have to battle is the 'Starve yourself for quick weightloss' Demon :-(
I am remembering that last time I did this I settled into not eating much during the day but eating most of my food in the evenings which I am now learning fits in to the IF pattern so might encourage this pattern especially as my bad time for cheating is always evening.
Had a bit of a headache last night but still not actually craving sweet things which surprises me.....but the Sugar Demon is a sneaky fellow and creeps up on me when I'm not looking so I have blueberries in the freezer, cucumber to nibble and I melted down a jar of organic coconut manna and poured it in to tiny heart shaped ice cube trays so I have lots of sweet and creamy treats for after a meal wen the Sugar Demon can get quite persistent. I also have full fat greek yog, coconut milk and sugar free caramel syrup if desperate for pudding ......I am prepared !!! lol
I think the Wheat Demon could be troublesome later as there were 2 fresh loaves in the delivery, from an artisan bakery that I love but I didn't even look or sniff (fatal !!) and will try not to look them in the eye :-)
The parents have the baby now so off for a quick afternoon nap :-) x
Your job sounds difficult, but rewarding. I have an exercise suggestion. Check out startbodyweight.com. Some body weight exercises like push ups, planks and dips can be done at quick intervals throughout the day, with little equipment.
Feel free to come visit my journal. I will be 47 next month. Many of my MDA friends are in the same age group. We try to help each other stay Primal. Link in my signature.
Thanks for stopping by Pebbles and thanks for the recommendation for exercise info, I'll have a look :-)
I have just had a wonderful food moment when I made some courgette (zucchini) pasta just cooked in butter with some parmesan on top and it was just sublime !!! I could have eaten a whole panful of the stuff ! :-)
I am wondering about something.....
I have been sugar and grain free for 2 and a half days now and feel so good I thought it must be the ketosis buzz but when I tested with ketostix it was negative so why was I feeling so good ?
I now think that sugar and grains are so bad for me that I am actually poisoning myself when I eat them.
I have more energy, more motivation, my brain fog is gone and my mood is much brighter !!!
I remember this feeling from before and remember thinking I will never do anything to ruin the feeling.....so how come I did actually forget ? and why did I not remember sooner and do something about it ???
Oh well, just human I suppose, and another of my Demons is Self Critisism so I will just let it go and move on.....and enjoy this lovely feeling :-)
...apart from the lurking headache which I choose to ignore :-) x
Ok, Day 4 and still feeling great :-)
The headache last night got pretty bad but responded to painkillers and is gone this morning and has not returned yet so fingers crossed.
I def feel my body is thanking me for cutting out grains and sugar and I have lost another 3lbs so very happy !!
I think I need to change the title of this thread from Banishing Demons to Battling them as it is naive of me to think I will banish them for good when they have been with me for most of my adult life. I know I will have to battle them time and time again which I will do, but hope that perhaps, with time, they will bother me less and less frequently ?
Some of my other Demons are
Emotional eating, (anger, frustration, sadness, rebellion, tiredness, etc)
Hormone driven cravings,
Addiction to weighing scales and allowing that to affect my mood,
Low self esteem (sometimes)
Cockiness when things are going well lol
Binge eating (when I am really angry at myself or others)
Lack of exercise
The biggest problem is when one of these kicks in, some of the others usually join in too so by naming them as Demons I am trying to make them easily recognisable and hope this makes it easier to stop the cascade effect and just isolate and deal with whatever it is that is actually bothering me.
I am spending a lot of time reading peoples journals and learning something from everyone but must not let that stop me from writing my own !
Today so far I have had
2 large coffees with milk and coconut milk,
chicken soup with added bouillon, chicken and cream cheese to up the fat content,
a little watermelon
My client is making chicken with ginger an lime, and is making a big salad with asparagus so I don't have to have rice or bread :-) They are really lovely and being supportive which is a great help.
They are Jewish and love their food and LOVE feeding other people, as do all their relatives, and you can imagine that with all the visitors to see the new baby there has been a stunning amount of food being brought here !!!
I think the reason I could leap so wholeheartedly back in to Primal was because I had SERIOUSLY overdosed on cake and pastries !!!!!!!!!!!
I am here another 2 weeks so I can get well on my Primal journey, then I have a week home to consolidate things further.
Then I will have to be VERY careful as I am going back to spend a week with a most stressful client whose life and family are always very dramatic, chaotic and hellishly stressful. I spent 6 weeks with them before my current job and I couldn't help but get dragged in to all the crap and got emotionally involved with them all. I got little sleep, did 4 peoples jobs, got no time off, barely ever left the house and comfort ate so much I put on 5lbs in 6 weeks !! (crazy, I know, but she was a single Mum and if I didn't help, no one would)
This time, hopefully things will be better but, as I am looking after baby whilst they get ready to move house, I could be very wrong ! Oh well, it is only a weeks and I will be well into a healthy primal way of eating and can actually probably take almost a weeks worth of food with me.
After that I have a week each with previous clients, both of whom are lovely and stress free, and just let me order what I want online and get on with it. A big plus in my job is that the clients have to feed me and they are usually pretty well off so plenty of protein is not a problem and if they eat organic themselves then I can do the same :-)
Mmmn headache is creeping back....wonder what is causing it at the same time again today ??
Well, I wasn't here a year ago, but still, welcome back (:
That looks like a stressful yet highly rewarding job - but reading through your demons, I couldn't but join the dots. I've sleep problems myself, and many of those demons lurk on the darkness of my subconscious as well. The more I know about sleep deprivation and sleep issues, the more I realise that bad rest awakes demons, creates demons, feeds demons, and in general, promotes an emotional hell...
But job is job, and in my case, creativity is creativity... I'm more active from ~19h, until ~3h, so even though I force myself to be in bed, I'm boiling with ideas and energy. So frustrating.
Returning back to your primal journey, it's treat when you've supportive people around (: I hope those headaches will disappear soon, though. It may be the sugar withdrawal, showing itself when you're a bit more tired - that is, in the evenings. But I'm just guessing. No experienced grok, here!
Thanks for stopping by Red :-) the headache wasn't as bad last night so hopefully getting through whatever it was.
Narrowly averted disaster last night ! I had to wait for my client to cook supper last night but Hubby was late home, then a visitor arrived and stayed ages. I didn't know whether to get something to eat but decided it might seem rude so I waited....until 9pm (ate lunch at 12) then they told me they were going to visit a relative by which time I was a ravening beast ready to eat anything that stayed still for more than 2 seconds lol
Once they had gone I started looking for food and was surrounded by quick and easy junk food and for the first time in 4 days, was really tempted just to grab and stuff (my face).
I managed to claw back some sanity and made a really cheesy omelette which really hit the spot. I then got hit by a sugar craving so all I could think of that might do the trick was to mix some low cal hot choc powder in some coconut milk to make a paste and then eat it slowly. Not exactly Primal but it stopped something worse happening.
Learning from that I will have to make sure I always have something 'snacky' around for emergencies, but not nuts as I just eat them all once the packet is opened :-( Thought I had found the perfect answer in Quorn cocktail sausages and mini scotch eggs but then read about the wheat and wheat flour in them. Might have to be some ready cut cubes of a good strong cheddar which would be satisfying.
Also, maybe I need to make sure there is more fat in lunch to keep me happy longer ?
Slept well and woke happy and revitalised again and weight is the same as yesterday which, considering it is TOM anytime now, is not bad as I usually put on 4 to 6lbs of water at this time :-)
I am having my weekly 24hrs off starting at 2pm today so think it is time I started about moving my lazy body.
I am 10 mins walk from Hampstead Heath in North London which is a beautiful open space with a hill (Parliament Hill) in the middle which gives a great view of London so will wander around there for a couple of hours in the beautiful sunshine :-) x
The gentle walk turned in to a 2 hr hike with lots more hills and gullies than I thought existed in London.
I got lost in the wooded parts whilst looking for the open, level parts and, whilst it was very beautiful and relaxing emotionally, it was very tiring physically and if I didn't have satnav on my phone I would probably still be out there lol
I was shattered when I got back so had a long bath, stood up to rinse my hair in the shower and had a massive dizzy spell that went on for so long I had to sit back down to rinse my hair.
I had another spell when I got up out of the bath and another when I got dressed again.
Idiot me forgot to eat before I went out I just wasn't hungry and was so happy to be going for a walk.
I also forgot that, though I used to be fit, I haven't exercised for almost 6 months due to Achilles tendon troubles.
Add to that a very hot sunny day and you get stupid Sarah in a bit of a state :-(
The only thing I had in my room was a tin of coconut milk and some water so drank half a tin of the milk and a big glass of water and laid down for 10 mins.
I am fine now and will go and get something to eat.
Lesson learned....plan more carefully and go steady.
Feel bit silly now lol x