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  1. #1
    triplemwf's Avatar
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    Unsupportive Spouse

    Primal Fuel
    What do you do when your spouse doesn't support your efforts? I have tried to ensure that my new way of eating (Primal) doesn't affect my family and the meals that I prepare for them. I haven't insisted that anyone else give up grains or sugars or anything like that. I still make the same dinners as usual with tiny differences with what goes on my plate. For example, I'll grill chicken for dinner and serve it with roasted green beans and some buttered noodles -- the only difference is that I just don't eat the noodles and eat extra veggies. Or, if I make spaghetti and meatballs, I'll use spaghetti squash for me, but everyone else's plate stays the same.

    The problem is, that my husband doesn't support me at all. Quite the contrary, he thinks that I should be eating the same thing as everyone else, which I am, aside from the starchy side dish. He's accused me of wasting money on my "special diet" food, when in fact, the amount that I spend on groceries every week has gone down since I've started Primal, probably because I'm eating a lot less food and not drinking the diet drinks anymore. There are so many more little things and little snide comments that he makes. I'm trying to so hard to make sure that my new way of eating doesn't have an effect on anyone else, but he just makes it so hard. He doesn't support my efforts at all and has taken to calling me selfish for wanting to do this and for eating healthier. Truth is, everyone in our house could afford to eat healthier (my husband and his son more than the others), but I'm not pushing that. It's just so frustrating because I'm the one that shops and cooks and I'm being told to spend less (I only spend $125/week on groceries for a family of 6) and to eat less, but also to eat more.........it's one big contradiction and I just don't know what to do. I actually asked him if he would please support me and he point blank told me "no". I just don't know what to do or how to deal with this.
    Last edited by triplemwf; 06-25-2014 at 06:25 AM.
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  2. #2
    Mr. Anthony's Avatar
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    New spouse?

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    triplemwf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Anthony View Post
    New spouse?

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    LOL not quite. He's generally a good guy, I don't understand why he's being such a scutch about this.
    Height: 5'2"
    High Weight: March 2010 - 236lbs & Low Weight: July 2011 - 130lbs
    Most Recent High Weight: February 2014 - 227lbs
    30 Day Sugar/Carb Detox Start: Date 6/9/14 Weight: 208lbs Finish Date 7/8/14 Weight: 201.2lbs
    One-derland! 7/11/14 199.6

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    FrenchFry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by triplemwf View Post
    LOL not quite. He's generally a good guy, I don't understand why he's being such a scutch about this.
    He feels threatened in his comfort zone. You are breaking some habits that are usually so implicit that they are not thought about consciously. Such a change looks suspicious to him, especially if he himself feels unhealthy deep inside. After all, if you ate exactly like him but now are changing for something "better", he may perceive this as a negative message targeting him, i.e. his ways are unhealthy.

    You are breaking some sort of "bond" here that he is not able to break on his own, you want out of the (vicious) circle and I really think this is perceived as a threat at some level. It sounds very much like a case of basic group / small tribe psychology. I think you should have a serious talk about it and stand on your ground. It is about health after all, and it can definitely benefit your husband and son apparently.

    If you do have such a serious talk, emphasize the positive aspects: you feel like crap on a SAD diet, but feel 100% better on primal, so why not adopt primal ?

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    zoebird's Avatar
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    I would remind him that you are an adult who has every right to make choices about what you want to eat. He can like it or lump it, but he has no right to harass you about it. And, if he brings up the finances, then show him the cost differentials. And then, if he continues on, tell him to get over himself.

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    Brachial stun. Google a video.

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    I told mine at one point that I was desperate for some answers because I felt totally broken inside. I was out of other things to try. So far it seemed to be working so please don't worry about whether I put noodles on my plate or not.

    When he complained I served too much meat, I gave him the smaller portions and put way more vegetables on his plate and continued to make rice and noodles and tortillas for him. And since he told me he couldn't tolerate fatty foods, I made sure that for dinner I served fish or chicken but I made red meat and liver for myself for lunches only.

    This all kept the peace for a very long time. But over time I got strong and he continues to be weak and deteriorate and this makes life together difficult.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Current squat: 170 x 3. Current Deadlift: 220 x 3

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    Tell him to shut up. He can say something nice or nothing at all. Seriously. Straighten those shoulders and ignore his behind. He'll get over it.


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    Quote Originally Posted by FrenchFry View Post
    He feels threatened in his comfort zone. You are breaking some habits that are usually so implicit that they are not thought about consciously. Such a change looks suspicious to him, especially if he himself feels unhealthy deep inside. After all, if you ate exactly like him but now are changing for something "better", he may perceive this as a negative message targeting him, i.e. his ways are unhealthy.

    You are breaking some sort of "bond" here that he is not able to break on his own, you want out of the (vicious) circle and I really think this is perceived as a threat at some level. It sounds very much like a case of basic group / small tribe psychology. I think you should have a serious talk about it and stand on your ground. It is about health after all, and it can definitely benefit your husband and son apparently.

    If you do have such a serious talk, emphasize the positive aspects: you feel like crap on a SAD diet, but feel 100% better on primal, so why not adopt primal ?
    i second this

    but my version of a serious talk would be 'seriously, knock it the hell off'
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  10. #10
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    Men take everything as a criticism of their ability to provide and be a man. If he was honest with himself and loved you he would see that you are being strong and positive. He feels threatened, weak and negative in comparison. A real man allows his wife to flourish and is thrilled when he sees her happy and positive.
    Don't keep talking to him about it as this will just annoy him. Try intermittent fasting and let him cook his own dinner and see how he enjoys that.
    Man seeks to change the foods available in nature to suit his tastes, thereby putting an end to the very essence of life contained in them.
    www.primaljoy.co.uk

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