There's no coming back now ^_^
Hey. So. Keeping the Journal.
I spent most of my day today in classes writing some kind of Journal... and then I figured it won't help me that much if no one sees it xD
So, I've decided to go primal now at age 22. I've always loved food (and since I'm from Serbia), and Serbian people... they eat A LOT xD I never really paid much attention to my weight when I was a kid - it didn't matter. But then, the puberty came -.- I wasn't fat, but chubby enough for other kids to pick on me. Now that I think of it, it didn't ruin my self-esteem, but it's not that could really ignore it.
Then... then came high school. Well, I've always been an active kid. At the time, I've been playing volleyball for 7 years, but I guess it wasn't enough. One day, we all went to the doctor's. I don't know how it really goes there in America, but here in Serbia we have yearly appointment with the doctor. At the time, I was close to 70 kg. And I'm 165 cm tall. The doctor told me I had to lose 15 kg. They told me I was obese. That really made me mad because at age 16 I couldn't really understand how could I be obese if I didn't eat too many sweats, or sodas, or junk food - I always had homemade meals. And they were healthy ones. And I was playing valley ball, for god's sake! So my mothers friend (who is also a doctor) told me I will lose weigh if I eat less (two times less than before) and if I eat fruits after 18h. That is, as much as I want. So I could everything, just less. The first two weeks were hell, cause I was always hungry in the afternoons, but I was mad at them all: at doctors, at my friends who looked better, at my own body, at everyone, and I did, to show them that it was my choice! And that I could also lose weight if I wanted to. And I did. 11 kg in 6 months or so. It was a slow process, but it worked. Only later did I found out that this kind of... "diet" is wrong. A man/woman should NEVER star themselves! I just didn't know that I was doing exactly that -.-
But then... or should I say, 3 years later, I'm in University, have just broken up with my first "real" boyfriend after 2,5 years, the pressure on me is high with so much studying - and I got sick. Really sick. As in "I could've died" sick. It's too complicated for explaining it now, but it had something to do with my blood and... part of my DNA that just wasn't working right. That's just plainly put. Anyway, I was born that way, and after a coma and struggling for my life - I got better I could go home, with my doctor's warning never to get on a pill again and to keep in mind that one day, when the time came, I would probably have problem with my pregnancy.
I was so weak... I looked like a wraith And I was told to eat a lot of proteins, which I did, thanks to my mum. In 6 months I got back to 70 kg. I started Irish dancing again (I've been dancing for about 5.5 years now), but my body doesn't look like an athlete's body.
I'm not fat, I can see leg muscles on me, and I can see 2 packs of my six-pack xD But it's not how I want to look. I want to be lean. Strong. With muscles more visible! With bursting energy in my body! And now that my dancing has become more serious, I need strength in order for it to look great! It should look fluid, strong, agile, easy, as if I'm flying. And yet... with me training four times a week, my body is weak. I feel it in me, I'm burnt down, I don't have enough energy, I have backache. And I see I'm not really going anywhere That's why I decided to go Primal I want to look AND feel the best way possible!
If it accidentally happens that a certain Him saw me and thought how great I looked in my bikini, well...
But I have motivational problems xD SO I decided to do this online Journal and read at least one successful story in order to stay motivated!
Wish me luck and Grok on! ^^
The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills