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Thread: *~ CriQue's Primal Cove ~* page 2

  1. #11
    CriQue312's Avatar
    CriQue312 is offline Junior Member
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    Things have been going so very well for the last 6 months. I have had one or two hangups... a couple of cookies and brownies for Christmas, but that's about it. I still have my dark dark chocolate fixes from time to time... but I generally avoid any grains, sugar, legumes, and starchy tubers. I don't drink soda anymore and it's even rare for me to have fruit juices (maybe a sip of my Sophie's juice).

    I'm really excited about how much better my life feels as what I like to call a carni-vega-vore... Mostly meat, with veggies and oils mixed in.
    I don't even use canola or corn oils. I have days out when I need to do the bunless burger option... I know the oils are crappy in those, but at home it's the trifecta of awesomeness: Almond, EVOO, and Coconut oils. I think I'm going to have to start cutting dairy more often. I have coffee and enjoy it half-cow... but I notice that my weight loss halts when I do this frequently.

    I shared the progress with my doctor's nurse practitioner. She understands the sugar sensitivity but seems confused about my aversion to grains. They upset my gut. Why bother trying to spend another year with consumption tendencies that work for everyone else if they don't work for me. I'm validating my own nutritional signals and this is good for me.

    Thanks Mark and to the awesome forum of people. I stop in to check out articles from time to time. If it wasn't for this website I wouldn't be on the road to recovery from dietary imposed anxiety issues and hormonal imbalance.
    CriQue ~ Groking it like it's hot since June 26, 2010
    May 26, 2010 241lbs, // Aug 12, 2011 178lbs // Goal 150ish

    "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
    - Melody Beattie

  2. #12
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    CriQue312 is offline Junior Member
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    Last edited by CriQue312; 12-27-2010 at 01:24 AM. Reason: images wouldn't show up

  3. #13
    CriQue312's Avatar
    CriQue312 is offline Junior Member
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    PrimalCon New York
    Looking back at my signature I feel stumped.
    August 12, 2011 I was down in my weight... but my weight has been yo-yoing since then and this morning it's still about the same thing. That's almost a year at around the upper 170's. It's not a maintenance thing, since New Years I was down to 158. I've gone up since I moved, married, lost a job and have become otherwise undeniably sedentary. I'm also a bit depressed because while my husband (10 years my senior) knows I desperately want another baby... serious baby fever... he's not ready. He wants to wait until next Spring. So my current daughter will be 4 before we even "start" trying. I'm depressed about that. I wish I could change it. I am going to end up being a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life at this rate. I started working in child care May 2011, but since moving to live in my husband's area Dec 2011 I can not find consistent child care work. I feel pretty crappy. I love being with the children, want more, feel useless since I can't contribute in income right now and can't have more or get excited about having more without feeling like I'm putting the hubby on the spot... which I did last weekend. I got tipsy off of too much wine at a family gathering and thankfully only my mother, father and husband were present when this happened, went off about how my husband didn't want to talk about what I wanted. I kept loudly saying "EFFFing Baby" like it was almost an unspeakable curse in our home to bring up and I was spiting him in this instance because I knew at least I would have understanding in my family's eyes. It wasn't right. He kind of laughed it off... but I know it's not nice for either of us.

    He's set in his mind that he doesn't want a baby right now, and I clearly stated that I wanted more children when we were dating. Sure, what's a year... but he's 42 already! I'm 32. I want "MORE" children... not one more. I feel selfish, but I have to admit that it's something I can't let go of. I don't know if it's more of an issue because I feel out of control of my weight, unmotivated to finish my distance studies, unmotivated to routinely exercise, unmotivated to do much of anything.

    This is a bit of a hormonal week for me... I was upset because my daughter (3years old) was gone for two weeks. She came back Sunday for two weeks, but the very next morning my husband had to leave for the holiday week to work out of state. Next week there is a support hearing and I'm nervous about how that's going to work out. My daughter's father pays support later and later each month, leaving me with no idea when I'll be able to remedy certain routine costs. It would help if I had a job, but it would also mean less time with my daughter... and the additional expense of childcare... which seems silly since that's my major.

    *Sighs*...

    So I'm stuck at the same weight. I have eaten primally very religiously for 2 years, with only the occasional holiday/birthday minor indescretion until this week. I baked a box of brownies and ate almost the entire thing over two days. Why would I sabotage myself like this? I miss my husband and feel lonely. I feel disappointed that I can't plan family. I'm stressed about money. I'm nervous about the PTSD reaction I feel when I have to manage court or face-to-face dealings with my daughter's father... pending next week. My life isn't as fun as I would like it to be this warm festive time of year. I have a nice back yard and deck... no reason I shouldn't be outside more.

    I also attempted P90X last week... it worked for 3 days, then I felt so overworked and then was bored by the monotony of the yogax that I gave up, not without reservation, but my hips hurt so bad. The joints just ached in a bad way, felt overtrained. I also tried a scoop of that shakeology stuff on each of the first two days. I'll bet the grains in that may have screwed with me a little. Maybe?

    I have a pool membership 10 miles away. I took my daughter twice this week, but today is just a hormonal couch day.

    My husband is coming back into town tomorrow and his two kids will be staying the week next week (first time in our relationship for this duration). Same week as the support hearing. I'm just nervous about a lot of things. I need to be doing laundry and handling dishes and vacuuming. I just feel like crap.

    I'm sure the cortisol gets in the way of effective fat loss.
    I'm sure the switch from Depo Provera to Nuva Ring which I made 2-3 weeks ago is going to be a hurdle.

    That has me nervous too. Everytime my legs twitch for any minor reason, I worry that the Nuva Ring is going to give me some thrombo embolism.

    I swear I'm taking my anxiety medication. I just feel like there's a lot building right now.
    I also started reading "Anger" by Thich Nhat Hanh this week, which is calming.

    I was going to write on a piece of paper, but I do that and well... really I don't have advice for myself.
    Perhaps, I said to myself, if I post online, maybe someone else will have some relevant thoughts to share.

    Any?

    I need to get out of the rutt...

    I worry that by the time I get used to having my daughter back, she'll be gone again for another bi-weekly summer vacation stint with her dad, or my husband will have to go away for work again... and I'll be left without my sense of security and consistency.

    It's an opportunity for change, I just can't yet see how.
    CriQue ~ Groking it like it's hot since June 26, 2010
    May 26, 2010 241lbs, // Aug 12, 2011 178lbs // Goal 150ish

    "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
    - Melody Beattie

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