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Thread: Primal Journal: sibylsybil page 3

  1. #21
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    Felt less of an afternoon energy slump today than usual, but got a migraine just before 5pm. I haven't had one in more than a month, but I get an aura, always the same: fingertips start to feel tingly/numb, like they're asleep with pins and needles, then the whole hand (one side only) Sometimes it moves up the arm, then my lips/nose/side of my face start to go numb, and I have spots in my vision. Then I get a whammy of a headache. I don''t know what triggers them. Today wasn't too bad. I was uncomfortable, but functional. Last time, I threw up and I spent 2 hours in the shower with the lights off, which was the only thing that helped. That was one of the worst health/pain experiences of my life, actually, in terms of physical discomfort. Anyhoo, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow (sheer coincidence), so hopefully I can get some kind of medication that I can take when I get the aura. Also planning on asking the doctor for bloodwork to check for hypothyroidism or vitamin deficiencies (feeling constantly sluggish, always cold, tired, seriously forgetful). Something to look forward to, haha.

    exercise: 30 mins elliptical, 3ish miles walking.

    b-fast: 2 eggs, 3 slices of bacon, slice of cheddar cheese
    lunch: 2 chopped baked chicken thighs with curry powder, sauteed shallots, broccoli florets.
    snack: walked in the door starving, had a tbsp of natural peanut butter. If I were SMART, I wouldn't keep it in the house, but I really don't ever learn! Well, better than inhaling the chocolate chip cookies that were also in the fridge.
    dinner: sirloin steak with a romaine salad w/ avocado slices and goat cheese. So good. Ohh, steak. I love chicken, I really do, but nothing really compares to tender, juicy steak steak steak. Thank you, cows!

    Cals: 1168; Fat: 65 g; Carbs 14 g; Fiber: 5; Protein: 123 g (43.5% protein; 5% carb, 51.5% fat)
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  2. #22
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    woke up, did 30mins elliptical, 1 mile walk, 3x15 kettlebell swings , 3x15 figure8 squats, overhead press 3x 10 each side, bent-over row 3x 15 each side. (all w/15 lb bell)
    b: 5 slices bacon, 2 eggs, 3tbsp natural peanut butter.
    l; not hungry... too much peanut butter!
    d: 'chicken breast with herbes du provence', spinach salad with goat cheese. (yumm.)

    ugh. I can't resist the nut butters! I was hungry even after my breakfast, and once I got a spoon and the peanut butter, I couldn't stop. well, I guess that qualifies as eat when hungry, stop when full-- I didn't feel stuffed or sick, so I guess it's all good except for the whole peanuts-are-legumes bit.
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  3. #23
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    b= 4 slices bacon, 1 egg
    l= 2 chicken drumsticks w/ sauteed veggies (1 shallot, 1 yellow bell pepper, 1.5 cups chopped broccoli)
    d= 2 chicken drumsticks, 1 slice cheddar cheese melted on top, 4 squares 85% Lindt dark chocolate.

    Yeah, I still don't understand people who eat one square a day. The whole bar would have been excessive, but one piece? Ehhh, no. (if it were milk chocolate, I would probs have eaten the whole thing... a reason not to buy milk chocolate!)Maybe eventually I'll learn, but for me, for now, I still can't seem to figure out that it'll still be there tomorrow. I have a lot of trouble with the 80/20 concept. I guess a lot of people have this problem: It's always black and white; I'm a perfectionist. either I'm perfect or I've blown it, and if I've screwed up, I might as well have another cookie, because what the hell, I'm a failure anyway. NO, self, no. What is it they say-- "to err is human, to forgive, divine"? Well, it seems like I need to start learning how to forgive myself, but it's pretty damn hard.

    anyhoo: 7.5% carb 63.5% fat, 29% protein;

    Cals: 1313; Fat: 82 g; Carbs 22 g; Fiber 7 g; Protein 84 g
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  4. #24
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    w/o= 3.3 mile run... slow pace because it is .so. .humid. outside.
    b= 2 bacon slices, 2 eggs
    s= 1 oz cheese
    l=frankfurter, romaine salad w/ italian dressing, 2 oz cheese, a couple pepperoni slices, handful of cherries.
    s= tbsp peanut butter
    d= out for dinner; green salad w/ a little house balsamic, big charbroiled salmon fillet.

    62% fat, 5% carbs, 33% prot.
    Cals: 1328 Fat: 89 g Carbs: 17 g Fiber: 4 g Protein: 105 g

    today was ok, foodwise. Good, even. but I'm having a seriously crap body-image day. on Sunday I had a pretty big binge (non-primal); my scale weight is still up 3lbs or so from when I started a few weeks ago. and I know scale weight is misleading, but I feel like I look like crap in the mirror, too. Maybe it's in my head. but I feel soft and pudgy and ick. I have this antsy, anxious feeling... I'm not hungry at all but I feel restless and nervous. Physically, I feel fine, but mentally I'm really on-edge and I don't know why. I've had this self-loathing impulse before; I was depressed in high school, (I still have issues, obviously, but it's not as bad now) and I thought I was the most worthless, undeserving person on earth. It never really extended to my body image, then, though. (of course, now I feel like a failure for being heavier, and also feel like a failure becuase I have shitty body image. wooohoooo.) Every time I see myself in the mirror, or every time I look down at my squished out-thighs when I'm sitting down, I think, gross, pudge, ick, you're gross; I look down and I see my stomach, my thighs, and I think, fatty-fat-fat-- this nasty little voice in my head that wants to beat me up powpowpow all the time. I know I'm not fat, that I have a bmi of 20-21, that's not fat, depending on persepctive, it might even be thin. but it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm 10 lbs more than I was at the end of high school, and that number proves that I suck, at least to some sour twisted bit of myself. ccrapcrapcrap. when does it stop??


    Jesus, I wouldn't let anyone talk to me the way I talk to myself. I'm not particularly aggressive, but if anyone ever said the things I say to myself to one of my friends, I swear to God, I'd knock him on his ass. But I say them to myself, and I think, hey, well, maybe I am fat. . what the hell. Does everyone, every woman have this masochistic impulse to beat herself up, knock herself down?

    No cookies in the house to jam in my face, so that's good. I'm not even hungry. Not physically. maybe it's some kind of emotional hunger. I don't know how to express it. I just .want. I want someone to tell me that I don't suck, that I'm not a failure. right, self-psychoanalysis for the win. I don't know if putting this down makes it better or if it solidifies it. I think I feel a little better.

    Well, I'm going to go to bed early, hopefully I'll wake up in a better mood.
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  5. #25
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    no breakfast; went on a 5 miles walk/hike.
    lunch= 3 chicken thighs, 1/3 cup of almond/walnut/peanut nut mix, a few cherries, some green salad.
    dinner= egg, 2 slices of bacon.

    total:
    Cals=944; Fat= 60 g; Carbs= 16 g; Fiber=3 g; Protein= 91 g

    Was starving for lunch, but after that, just wasn't that hungry. strange, but w/e.
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  6. #26
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    We are our own worst enemy! I can trashtalk myself like nobodies business. Youll get back on track, the carb water holding weight sucks! Ive learned evens stress stalls me out...my body must think there is impending danger that will keep me from food for weeks. Holds on to everything! lol
    grok on!

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evita View Post
    We are our own worst enemy! I can trashtalk myself like nobodies business. Youll get back on track, the carb water holding weight sucks! Ive learned evens stress stalls me out...my body must think there is impending danger that will keep me from food for weeks. Holds on to everything! lol
    grok on!
    Thanks, Evita. The water weight is just demoralizing... I know that the number on the scale doesn't mean that I've gained three pounds of fat, and that it really shouldn't mean that much, period. It's such an habit (a bad habit!)

    And the stress thing is right on! It's too bad that all my body's adaptations, which would have saved my cavegirl self five thousand years ago, are just annoying to me now!! hah.
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  8. #28
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    w/o= ran 4 miles. it was under 70 degrees this morning, which was a nice change! For the first time in a few weeks, I didn't feel like I was going to dissolve into a puddle of sweat, or look like a tomato after working out

    breakfast= 2 eggs, leftover sirloin steak from yesterday, cooked in butter.
    lunch= guacamole on red peppers, 3oz cheddar cheese; burger (about 8 oz of 80% lean beef). strawberry rhubarb crumble with dark chocolate (real) whipped cream for dessert, and it was so, so, so good! mostly avoided the crumb topping.. not particularly primal, but worth it. My carbs were higher than usual, but I didn't feel any kind of crash or sluggishness. So hurrah!

    toooo full for dinner. cooking up a big batch of chicken thighs that'll be lunch for the week, and they smell pretty yummy. Looking forward to lunch tomorrow!

    Cals= 1352 Fat= 85 g; Carbs= 43 g; Fiber= 8 g; Protein= 97 g
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  9. #29
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    w/o: kettlebell workout: did 3x10 rows (20 lbs), 3x20 two-handed swings (15 lbs), 20 squats w/20lbs, and a few other assorted exercises. My thighs feel a little bit stiff today, so hopefully I'll be sore tomorrow-- it'll reassure me that I had a good work-out today! (hoping for a pain in the rear end, lolz)

    b= 2 eggs scrambled, 4 slices bacon. I cooked the bacon crispy today for a change, but I realized that I really do like it better a little softer (and more fatty!). 2 squares Lindt 85% dark chocolate.
    l= chicken thigh and a cup of broccoli/cauliflower blend. The chicken was good- baked in the oven, with a red chili paste/coconut oil rubbed on for flavor. Maybe I should have marinated it rather than just throwing it in, but it was still yummy.
    d= tuna salad. I used an entire family-sized pouch of Starkist chunklight tuna (12 oz), tbsp of olive oil, tbsp of Parmesan cheese, chopped dill pickles, spoonful of whole grain spicy mustard, chopped celery. LITERALLY the most tuna I have ever eaten in one sitting! This is what happens when I get to lazy and it's too humid to use the oven.

    totals:: Cals= 1160; Fat= 64 g; Carbs=15 g; Fiber= 4 g; Protein= 125 g
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

  10. #30
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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    my inner thighs were pretty sore today... yay for kettlebells yesterday! No workout this morning.

    breakfast was 2 eggs, 4 slices of bacon.

    then I was sitting around the house, since I don't/can't sleep in, and therefore wake up at 5.30-6 every single morning, and don't leave for work till 9. Yeah. That's right. I'm 20 years old, and I've slept past 7 am maybe twice in the past three months. I don't know what it is; circadian rhythms? could be tied to my mild depression/insomnia; my aunt, who's a nurse, told me that this kind of morning insomnia/early waking thing is related to anxiety for most people who experience it. Whatever. It's useful sometimes, but means that I have to go to bed early if I want a full nights rest; it doesn't matter if I go to sleep at 9.30 or at 1 am, I'll still be awake by six. Haven't used an alarm clock in at least 4 years.

    Point is, I was sitting around the house, bored. So I had a nibble of some rotisserie chicken, which turned into about 6oz of chicken, plus a chocolate chip-walnut cookie. Whoops. Bright side: there is a whole plate of cookies in my refrigerator. and I did not eat them all. Also, my head did not explode because I slipped up-- this is also good. SO. I ate the lunch I packed for work at noon-- chicken thigh, broccoli/cauliflower, 1/2 oz of cheese. Skipped dinner; I'm a little hungry now, at 7.30, but I'll be fine. By the time I wake up tomorrow, it'll have been a 18 hr IF. lemons into lemonade and all that.

    totals: Cals= 1201; Fat=78 g; Carbs= 45 g; Fiber= 5 g; Protein= 80 g
    Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)

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