I don't have much in the way of wisdom, especially after what Mr.A said, but....
Perhaps it takes a relationship with just the right kind of an "outsider", someone who isn't necessarily supposed to love you unconditionally, for you to achieve that balance. I'm sure there are many guys out there who would never see you as "all around Unworthy" or in negative light, the way you sometimes see yourself and the way your parents seem to perceive you.How am I supposed to find balance in a relationship with ANYONE else if the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally have always called me useless, lazy, fat, and basically all around Unworthy?
It's impossible to please everyone and to be the absolute best at anything. I'm all for not being satisfied with mediocrity and striving to do better, but you have to set the limit somewhere, or you'd go crazy.They mean well, they mean well, they mean WELL... but at the end of the day, their mound of expectations piled on me early on in life, coupled with a few well-remembered criticisms... have followed me to this day. I could get an 97 and it's not perfect enough because it's not a 100. If I got a 100 that means the class I'm taking is too easy. They always commented on how skinny and perfect my best friend was in HS.
You can't let the expectations of others and your attempts (obviously sometimes futile) to earn their approval define your actions and your life. Just do it for your own gratification. Of course there are certain situations in life where we are obligated not to act selfish.
I don't know about you, but whenever I've wanted to accomplish something and have worked on it for a long time, often after achieving specific goal I have found it not quite as fulfilling as I previously imagined it would be.
Hmmmm, be a totally open book...or not. Tough call. Depends on the guy and timing, I guess...I am tempted to show any guy who actually considers dating me LT this journal. It's where I enumerate my inner demons and psychoanalyze them.
I used to wake up every day with this thought in my head. I still feel that I'm not good enough for me.......and for others. It crosses my mind quite often, but it has become much easier to ignore. I just try to do the best I can and if it's still not good enough, well too bad.I'm never good enough for me.
Edit: and try to love yourself first. I think your parents would still love you, even if you don't conform 100% to their expectations, in spite of them being Asian parents . It has to be unconditional after all.