Hm. I woke up to 3 angry accusatory emails from 3 yr ex out of nowhere.
I would post a segment on this journal but it was just reallllllllly ruthless and mean. The part where he wished I died fat and alone and haunted by my favorite kitty pet was the nicest part of that email. I actually am sitting here, not upset by the emails, but sad about him. He is legitimately crazy. Did these life events make him so, or was it always there and I just didn't see it?
Despite his harsh words I kind of wish him the best, but I don't think that is possible. Have you ever met people who cannot ever be happy because they secretly think they don't DESERVE to be happy? I think that's him. Even when everything is going perfectly he would second-guess it all because of COURSE it cannot be true.
I would have to say. I have never met anyone else in this world who does or says things ONLY to hurt me. I have had friends who have disappointed me greatly in life, guys that really did too... but they always did those things because they were out to gain something for themselves, or because they acted out of moral conviction they were doing the "right thing" even if they were just being unjustly self righteous. Hence... I cut them out of my life without looking back. They have a right to only look out for their own good, but I also had a right to no longer call them friend or boyfriend or whatever.
This guy... A lot of his actions can only be explained by the SOLE INTENT to hurt me. At times I'm a bit concerned for my safetiness...most of the time I am concerned about his obsessive mindset and etc. Who spends so much time in life thinking of more ways to hurt someone? Of the choiciest words to write in an email to hurt someone? WTF.
Okay actually, here's a small snippet out the series of 3 emails I have gotten so you guys know what I'm talking about. I actually always thought guys could not be MEAN (as in, they can be stupid, overly blunt, selfish, or immature, but never with a sole intent to hurt people)... but I guess I was wrong.
Fuck off you insane psychotic bitches. I hope finals kick your ass and you drop out of the 5-10% that you so desperately crave you fucking pseudo-intellectual. When you're able to do what I've done as a professional just this week, you might be able to feel better about yourself. Not better personally, but at least yoy would be a pseudo-professional.
I'm the real deal. I think that's what you can't stand. I'm better than you and we have both always known it. Remember you're a law student, congratulations but you're still not competent to carry my books. And I doubt you ever will be in the courtroom because you don't got it, sorry, live with it and hate it. You have no possibility of ever touching me as a trial attorney because you weren't born with it. You got a big brain but your ego and nasty personality make it an ugly brain. Goodbye I now officially hate you as much as you hate me more I'm sure. Instead of goodbye, how about this: fuck you, forget you, goodbye
I know I mention him a lot on here... but mostly because he has some sort of obsession in contacting me via email or text. He even sent a copy of the last email via text JUST in case I filtered his emails directly into the trash.
You know what, enough energy is enough energy. I am officially putting him out of my mind. I wish I could pay for the blocking of a number....but I going to filter his emails into spam now.
It's so sad. I feel really sad for him. I kind of wished he would have moved on and found happiness or at least peace after all this time. I know I have.... because this morning I feel 0% anger...just a bit pity mixed with a lot of confusion.
I really hope whatever cards life deals me, I'm not going turn out this bitter and hateful.
And lol... you know this email is addressed to an Asian.... the diss about me dropping out of the top 5% of law school. XD
ANYWAY, I'm going to finish up the to-do list today while hanging out with that guy friend/hs "bf" I mentioned yesterday. He's probably going to code and I'm going to finish planning shoots, contacting makeup artists, and scheduling shoots for when I get back to NYC. I'm also going to wrap up the stuff I have to do for law school.
I think we're meeting at 11am? Also getting lunch? I'm thinking pho because he's obsessed with pho and I haven't had it in a good while...and it's also seed oil free + pretty peaty.
I also need to talk to him about the fashion app. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be interested in being head programmer (he cares pretty much just about app GAMES, not FASHUN), but he's the only app guy I know so I need to pick his brain.
I also need to meet up with a photog friend this weekend. He needs me to listen to all of the issues he's faced in recent months and kind of distill them into legal issues. I told him if it's contracts I can't help but I can find out who is good here in Texas, but if it's just something like LLC formation (and if he wants to form that in Delaware), that it's so easy I can do it for free...or for lunch.
Ahhhhhh. 3 photoshoots, a couple business meetings, and helping my parents move. WHAT A VACATION. Yayyyy me. Date Dude last night was like "how did they (photogs) know you were in town?" me: "facebook" him: "oh." (*insert awkward silence because I haven't brought up facebooking each other...because I DON'T WANT TO. I've had too many bad experiences with fb and guys being randomly jealous over nothing*).
Then he talked about how he found $200 on the street and then bought some homeless guy groceries with it. I'm half like "wait... are you just playing me bro?" and half like "please ACTUALLY be this nice a person."
I will hold out hope for the latter but at this point it's going to take me a while to actually label someone as "nice."
$200 worth of groceries is a lot man...would a hobo even be able to eat all of that without it spoiling first? Something doesn't add up... he can't carry $200 worth either...
ANYWAY, it is quite possible I'm actually dating a Nice Guy. We shall await with more information before coming up with a conclusive answer.