05-04-2014, 11:31 AM
I hope you don't fail 1st amendment!!!
Your relationship with 'ex' sounds..... tumultuous.
As to meeting (or not) the "It" person, don't you believe in serendipity? Or whatever you prefer to call it.
Ooops, that was way too many oneliners, sowwy.
05-04-2014, 11:36 AM
Hey, don't worry, my dreams were always similar. in fact, I could never imagine myself with kids and a husband; whenever I imagined a future I was always mostly solitary in an unrealistic dream-world. (I'm not sure I had the best grasp on reality) as I grew older I obsessively imagined racing bikes on Britain's cycling team all over the world; it seemed realistic and exciting enough.
Now, as I'm 16, I think I would like to have a boyfriend....but I've been told by so many people that adolescent relationships are over-rated and "not worth the heartbreak". Yes, I suppose it's part of a ritual when growing up - but at the minute, it's not like I constantly feel cheated, like i'm missing out on something. It's like when people ask "don't you wish you had siblings?" well, yes, I guess I sometimes do; but again, I'm not missing out, because I've never experienced family life with anyone else but my parents. This is my life right now, my reality; I'm living in it just fine, I think.
If you're not cynical now, with all the stuff you've been through...and your intelligence level (people associate cynicism with intelligence, but I just think it's more likely that intelligent people become jaded...thinking of all the possibilities and realising they've been "cheated") I don't think you will be. Especially since you're mindful about it perspective and imagination is the cure for pessimism :P
Last edited by Emtropy; 05-04-2014 at 11:39 AM.
I'm not an emo, I swear
05-04-2014, 12:34 PM
Not gonna see home until like 7/8pm tonight.
05-04-2014, 03:56 PM
I sometimes think that I could have done x,y or z differently, but would that make me the person I am today?
I think no matter what you do there can always 'what if'
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05-04-2014, 05:11 PM
Turquoise's NEW journal: rants and raves of gelatin and law school
Not sure what this is. I call it "macro bowl" to sound snooty, or because it sounds sexier than "TQP's fridge and freezer cleanout in light of her going off to Texas."
I Stirfried a bunch of meats and veggies with tiny bit of coconut oil, gluten free tamari soy sauce, garlic, ginger, pepper, sriracha, splash of ACV... Topped it on a bowl of RS rice porridge, fried an egg to put on top, topped with some more sriracha. There's gelatin layered in between the rice and the veggies.
The inspiration was those sizzling but amazing sichuanese stir fries.
Obviously the "add a fried egg" thing was just "so obvious" because I'm Asian.
Last edited by TQP; 05-04-2014 at 05:18 PM.
05-04-2014, 05:56 PM
Turquoise's NEW journal: rants and raves of gelatin and law school
Ahhh I can't believe I more or less stayed off email/mda/fb/twitter/instagram for 10ish hours today. Not bad. Brief session of THE INTERNETZ and I'm back to the cave.
Today was good.
I thought I was going to a group studying session with 3-5 other people (the dude emailed me + 3 others, and I told 1 dude about the studying session yesterday) but when I showed up it was just J. He had this period of time where I am 99.9% sure he was hitting on me via text (he asked me to hang out about 5-6 times within the span of 48 hours, once was 11pm on a Saturday...TO HIS APARTMENT).
So, needless to say I was a bit...wary...when I realized it was just going to be me and him for the next 4 hours.
Luckily we kept it 100% Law School and on topic with First Amendment. J works for the professor that's teaching this course, AND constitutional law is what he wants to do in life, so he was well-versed to help me. We talked it through, and I feel a lot better about First Amendment.
He says if I wanted to meet up either tomorrow or before the test on Tuesday, I can join. I said no to tomorrow, but maybe to Tuesday. Tomorrow I'm dedicating to International Trade & Customs.
Then, around 3:15pm I switched gears and ran downstairs to meet peeps for Trade & Customs. There's 8 people total in this class, and the 4 of us were there convening and lamenting on how LITTLE we learned from this professor. We realized that about 3 people in the class never showed up to class, and 1 dude is way on top of the game, so we're the middle 4 people (grade-wise) lol. I realized the people were being a bit STINGY with the information they knew, which pissed me off a bit because I was teaching them how to do dumping duties calculations.
Anyway, that means I'm not sharing all of the valuable "handbooks" I found online on how to do 80% of the exam (basically PDF's and DOC's from Customs/ITC website, and etc.). People in law school piss me off. I don't understand this contentious spirit...yeah we have a curve but I'm more than confident that I can still do well even if I give others what I know on the topic and so should they. I thought the point of group study is so everyone can share what they know? Ugh.
Which ex? Law school ex or 3 yr ex? XD
Originally Posted by Graycat
YEP it was tumultuous with the 3 year ex to say the least. I think he's the only guy I've ever loved. It's hard for me to *really* care about someone whether as a friend or bf, but when I do...there's very little the person can do to ruin it. I'm loyal until the end. The fact that he (or really "we" because I'm not one who likes to play the blame game) ruined it still astounds me. There's a total of two people in the world who earned my respect and then lost it. The other one was an ex friend who cost me 2 years of discommunication with my family. That's how far down one has to go to lose my loyalty once they have it.
I'm really reserved. I know I'm extremely loyal, but someone has to be deserving of that first.
It person/Serendipity: hmmmm. Perhaps. I'm not one to rely on chances coming to me (I'm a firm believer of creating my own opportunities...career/life-wise) so I'm not banking on that one.
"Not worth the heartbreak": I guess it depends on what you make out of the experiences. Some people play victim in every chapter of their lives. Others distill a lesson and move on. I choose to do the latter. Sad chapters are sad chapters... with an ending. They're over, I'm done, and I'm still alive. Time to stop moping and move on.
Originally Posted by Emtropy
I would rather love magnificently or FAIL magnificently than to live my life in fear. The mythical phoenix has always fascinated me. My favorite stone is the Black Pearl because it's a symbol of beauty rising out of adversity in my eyes (no, not because of PotC).
HS-wise I never *really* got to date either. I had one "bf" for like a week. Then he decided he liked my friend. So I spent the rest of that year half trying to pretend I didn't want to cry and half trying to set them two up. Then he decided senior year he LOVED ME and I was HIS SOUL MATE. I stopped talking to him because he tried to blame the failure of the first attempt on me. (Supposedly I "liked him too much" and was "too nice" so it was hard for him to handle). Also, once my dad found out I was with a boy (ALL WE DID WAS TALK IN PRIVATE...not even kiss!!! or hold hands!!!) after school he took out a kitchen knife and grabbed my hand, steering the knife in his direction "why don't you just kill me!?!?!?"
That was scarring.
Asian parents man... there's a reason why I haven't brought any guy back home to my parents. I don't want the poor guy to die of an heart attack.
Otherwise, I just passed through HS assuming no one noticed me because I was THE EPITOME of NERD. By college I had like 70+ AP/IB (college class) credits. I was in advanced orchestra, competing in competitions every year. I was in the Math honors society. I was in Rubik's Cube club (okay, this was because my best guy friend founded the club and I was being supportive). My guy friends were all of the programmers.
Just imagine a young TQP, backpack JAMMED FULL of sci/math textbooks, Rubik's cube in one hand, violin case in the other, walking through a HS hallway populated with booby blonde vollyball players. Yeah...LOL...guys were DEFINITELY not interested.
Like come ON. Add the fact that I was "experimenting" with fashion and went from Granny to Goth in the span of a week, I was definitely NOT on anyone's "must date" list. LOL.
Apparently, according to a friend who was also in IB (i.e. also a geek) with me one year below me, all of the junior guys had crushes on me when I was a senior. Who the fuck knows... I was definitely not cool in HS (or MS, or college, or now, or ever...).
One thing HS was amazing for: ego check. I learned early enough that there are always a shit ton of people smarter, prettier, ____er than I will ever be in life. It was eye-opening. I CHOSE to go to that school because it was academically competitive. Many of my friends got 2400/2400 on SAT...many went off to HAHVAHD/MIT/etc...and one won some nation-wide science fair for mathematically calculating how much energy is in the earth's oceans or something ridiculous and got a full ride to cal tech. WTF.
So I got my ass kicked intellectually a LOT. It was actually very good for me. It made me want to work harder. Same with beauty/etc... it got me to into the "must always self-improve" groove I am in now.
"This is my life right now...my reality": how... The Cave...of you...
"Cynicism": I think I am cynical on relationships? Not really because of a particular experience, but rather because of my belief in evolutionary sexual psychology. I don't believe LOVE as poets do...I see love as something of an experience with an definite beginning and ending point not because the guy (or I) sucks at life, but because it's evolutionarily beneficial to mate-switch after 2-4 years.
I'm not cynical about people though. I absolutely LOVE people (as individuals...not as a group, which intimidates me). I love getting to know a person and get to know how he or she thinks, feels, experiences.
Of course, but I'm not one to ever wonder "what if I DID do X"...because I only ask "why not?" rather than "why?"
Originally Posted by Hannakb
Gotta say... at this point I'm used to failing but it's okay. At least I've tried. :P
Last edited by TQP; 05-04-2014 at 06:10 PM.
05-04-2014, 09:42 PM
In the depth of finals but I'm already planning photoshoots, video shoots, etc...tons of collaborations with new photographers and new modeling agencies! I'm so fucking excited!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Summer. Come at me!!!
I've got at least 4-5 new photographers I might get to work with (at least talking to) at the beginning of summer already. I only said yes to collabs with photographers who are shooting Agency Models (i.e. not just shooting wannabes or whatever).
Best guy friend (when I called him up to wish him happy bday) "I don't get the concept of a party... a bunch of people getting together to eat food and drink and talk...how is THAT fun??"
05-05-2014, 06:45 AM
I've been away for about 100 pages, I think.
I figured it was exam time for you. I'm glad it's going well. I always found the nerves and prep much harder than the exam itself. Good luck on all of them.
05-05-2014, 07:33 AM
Looks like bibimbap (or every other varient of asian rice + everything in a bowl + hot sauce) but better. Mmm. How was the gelatin done? Cooked? Sprinkled on like purest meaty crack?
Originally Posted by TQP
Usually I'm at least 70 posts behind lol. For once I can be pertinate!
05-05-2014, 08:01 AM
I spent about 1ish hour last night wishing best guy friend happy bday and cheering him about something. This morning I'm back on studying.
6pm Trade & Customs test tonight. Wheeee.
One of my interns decided upon herself to call for a new width in the images used on our website. She decided 960px wide was better than 800px wide so you can get a better, bigger picture.
The problem with that is, she didn't take into account
A. People with smaller computer screens, ipads, etc. who would have trouble seeing the whole image at that size.
B. The posts being emailed to people's inboxes, which looks weird when it's over 700/800px.
C. The fact that we don't even know what our new template will look like, and she wants us to temporarily change our template to accommodate for a bigger picture. The new template might also call for sidebars (which the current template has), and etc...which might dictate a smaller image size. We don't know until we design it.
Ugh. Creatives. Never thinking about the "big picture" (no pun intended). It's never JUST about aesthetics. I chose 800px wide as the uniform width for a good number of reasons, some of them entailed above.
She's amazing at what she does, and I'm ALWAYS up for a new idea being brought up, but I was kind of surprised she didn't just bring up an idea, but already finished a post set (with 5 pics) in the new dimensions without checking with me first.
Last edited by TQP; 05-05-2014 at 08:05 AM.
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