Took a break from posting at all to try and really focus on things. Tried to be good to myself with eating right, working out the way I need to and getting plenty of sleep. It's been good - I've slimmed down some more - don't know if there has been weight loss but I'm not caring as much about numbers on the scale. I've been building muscle and feeling fitter, making sure I eat enough to feed the body recomposition goals I have. And this is surprising but the ashwaghanda and holy basil leaf drops I've been taking make a difference I feel. It's like everything is in balance. I love feeling dialed into things, like I've finally figured out how eat to make myself and my body happy - yay me!
And I also finally bit the bullet and ended things with my husband. Clearly communicated it so there is no misinterpretation. He still is trying to find a way but we talked about what things are his, what he'll be bringing with him. I've let go of being worried that he won't be able to take care of himself - he is 37 and its not my job to do it. I had been holding out because of that vacation the 3rd week of August that we committed to doing with another couple. The wife is one of my best friends and I had an honest conversation with her, that I was hanging to the marriage because she made me feel so guilty about the vacation. She apologized and I decided to give my husband some credit and just told him I was done. And that we have been living together but separately for a couple years now and we can certainly pull it together for one week with friends we love.
It's such a relief to just have it out and done. I was so worried that we'd go on the vacation, where I'd just be trying to keep up appearances. He'd get hopeful that we were reconciling and then after the vacation was done, would be shocked that I wanted to end it. Much better this way. At this point, I think he'll be moving out in September. I'm excited to start enjoying my life on my terms and not feeling so trapped.
Coming up this week - yoga tonight and a long walk, weights Monday and Wednesday, and 3 nights of racquetball! I get to eat a ton this week.