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Thread: living with woman with Borderline Personality Disorder; I am an abused guy

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
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    Leave, leave, leave- its not worth it and they never change. They may learn to mimic normal behavior, but that's only when they realize that the consequences of their bullshit create penalties for them. BPD's cannot be medicated into "normal" people. Schizophrenics have a better chance FFS. Even if she seems trustworthy and legit, she'll be splitting behind your back, splitting other relationships with other people, and you'll be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of your life. Just GTFO. I was in an abusive marriage. It's very hard to get off the roller coaster, but there is peace, love, harmony, and STRENGTH on the other side.

    Just do it. And if you're married get lawyered up. Don't listen to what Saoirse said- no divorce lawyer has ever walked into someone's life and demanded to clean up someone else's mess. It's just going to be a crazy time for you and you want to be lawyered up. If you're not married and have no joint assets, SAVE YOURSELF.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Does she have insight into her behaviour? If not, maybe leave some books around and suggest a therapist.

    i know it doesn't help to suggest it is a mental health issue or imply it is not her fault, when it is a personality disorder and it doesn't mean you should stay,there is no point you both being miserable. You will become one of no doubt many destroyed relationships in her life.

    Make it a clean definite break.

    Obviously if there are kids involved, it will be messy.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    South Carolina
    I don't disagree with the advice to leave. But if you don't choose to right away, try to think of her as a 5 year old child who has suffered terrible abuse. Set boundaries for how much you can take care of her, and inside those boundaries take care of her as if she was a child.
    age 56, type 2 diabetes, swimmer
    low carb since 2006 thanks to Jenny, primal since Jan. 2012

  4. #44
    Join Date
    May 2012
    People in an online forum can be a major help to you, many times better than actual family and friends in your everyday life.
    They give great thought and superb advice to you, pray/meditate for your well being and send out positive reinforcement to you.
    I/we hope you're doing okay and doing all you can to protect yourself.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by JoanieL View Post
    I had a neighbor whose wife was a diagnosed borderline. He took a very Zen like approach. He'd married her for better or worse, and when she went off her meds and stole stuff or disappeared, that was some of the worse. He did the best he could, enjoying her good days, and living a life slightly apart from her on her bad days.

    I have no advice, just the anecdote.
    The issue with this, and the other people encouraging him to stay, is that staying with someone with BPD is an excellent way to die, end up in the hospital or jail, or worse.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Santa Barbara
    Dado, didn't you post this very same topic once before? If all you are going to do is complain about this woman, you are a very weak man. Grow a pair and leave already. You're not doing her any favors. Strong body, weak man.
    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    North Alabama
    Wait, are you this woman you're complaining about?

    "Stop valuing your petty life as if it is important" is what the Dado once told me.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Australia - Sydney
    Dado, you going to clarify the circumstances! I read the input with interest, but it seems the details..marriage, kids, did you know of the BPD?...count.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Why do you chose to think of him staying as weak? Maybe he's there for her benefit, willing, to a point, to sacrifice his happiness, for hers. Making a choice, no matter what the choice, is a sign of strength. We all have breaking points, maybe he's at his, who knows for sure. I'm just not sure how insulting his mental strength is helping anyone, except maybe it makes you feel better about yourself?

  10. #50
    canio6's Avatar
    canio6 Guest
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    GTFO dude, seriously, pack your stuff and GTFO.

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