Aw, thank you Cryptocode. Sincerely.
Aw, thank you Cryptocode. Sincerely.
It has begun. Last night's yoga class was fantastic as usual, and when the non YTTs left and when the 4 of us pulled out our bolsters, blankets to settle in, I finally felt like one of the cool kids. Nat started us on intros and getting to know each other. I shocked the room when I revealed that I was married (for 11 1/2 years) with 4 kids. I'm the oldest of the YTTs. There is T- the quiet and slightly awkward 18-19 year old former swim champion with beautiful skin and odd hair (think Kramer). Then J- a twenty-something married mom of 1 with big eyes and a beautiful smile, finding herself and getting her body back. And A- a 20 year old military wife and mom of 1- dark hair, pretty and unsure, and trying to find where her sense of self went when her unexpected babe came along. It's going to be a deep class. I talk too much, and joke at inappropriate moments, but I can't help but get the sense that we have a lot to learn from each other, and that my life experiences will be beneficial to them somehow. We were put together for a reason. We did a lot of administration work last night- putting together our binders and going over expectations. I'm sure I managed to look like an overbearing idiot. Nat had said we were welcome to bring snacks and food (since class starts at 6 and we get done around 9- and who wants to scarf a meal before yoga class?), so I packed my BAS. When only one other girl had just a small baggie of almonds to nibble on, the teacher sipped tea, and the others brought nothing but neatly packed school supplies, I felt comically ridiculous. Plus my seasoned ground beef, homemade ranch dressing and boiled egg smelled marvelously out of place there. I felt like every moment I had a leaf hanging out of my mouth, was the very moment someone looked directly at my face. I didn't know whether to feel dumb or laugh out loud. So I decided I'd not dwell on either and just eat my dang salad. It was delicious. I ate a big breakfast and a huge lunch, so I'll probably just stick with something small and snacky tonight. And maybe I'll take my own pen.
THings are moving along and crazy busy. YTT is getting better every time. Nat kicked our butts on Saturday and then I went right out with Matt and WLB and ran 5 on the trails in the sunshine and dirt! My legs were so trashed, but it was great. We got back to find Alicia and the kids gone and a note that said they'd gone on an adventure in the magical forest and to come find them. I'd left my running shoes in the car, so I went out barefoot into the ravine. We got back not quite a muddy, rocky, stickery mile later. :P
After all of that (and slacklining, construction work, more yoga, etc from the few days before), I was pretty useless for the rest of the evening.
I am running across some unexpected flip-sides to being fit and happy. I am suddenly causing offense to many of my friends and acquaintances just by existing. I've started getting crap from people about simple things like being happy, or suggesting a good book, or expressing how awesome my day was. There is suddenly drama in other people's lives because my kids are happily homeschooled. Even though we are ultra careful not to brag, or be insensitive, or press our views on anyone else. I find myself having to reassure people that I'm not judging them for their choices. It's bizarre. It's like they forgot that I was fat and unhappy once too. Like they don't see me as human anymore. It's frustrating because I want to be an inspiration, a support, a friend. I don't want to have to edit myself and be quiet in social settings so that someone doesn't take offense. I sat and listened to a friend tell me and another friend about her desperation to lose weight, her frustration with the seesaw of the same ten pounds over and over again and her decision to apply for weight loss surgery. As she described the process and requirements to me I wanted to cry. I've talked to her about Primal before and she looked at me like I was stupid. As she spoke I felt like she was just daring me to say something.
Then there's the reverse weightism (don't know what else to call it). My sister as I took off my jacket last night, "Holy crap, I want to force-feed you a cheese burger!" My answer: "I had eggs and bacon for breakfast, what the crap?" And my brother-in-law: "You don't even have an ass anymore!" HUH? What?? I'm a size 6-8 for heavens sake! I have a great butt. They're going on like I'm skeletal. It gave me much satisfaction to chow on 2 plates of corned beef, cabbage, a potato, olives and veggie frittata, then polish off some bananas, apples, berries and real whipped cream while they watched.
A couple of sweet friends avoided me at church yesterday, and one pulled me aside to make sure I wasn't posting facebook statuses regarding her. What the?? I don't want to seem angry or defensive... I just am confused....I promise I'm nice. I'm still me- just a better me.
Anyway, rant over. I'm just gonna keep on loving and smiling and being awesome.
Your friends are feeling threatened by your success at improving yourself and are afraid that you will start preaching. Not fair, I know, but a gut reaction for some people. Every time am around one sister of mine I feel that she must be judging me even though she has done nothing to confirm that.
I still think you are wonderful and awesome and all that!
Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.
YTT has me extremely busy. Plus I'm required to keep a yoga journal throughout, so I go to journal here or blog post or similar and I'm spent on the thinking and typing thing, with very little time left to do non-mommy, non-student, non-responsibility things. I'm dropping my winter weight. Frequent yoga along with hikes, runs and being too busy to eat often definitely will do that to ya! I don't weigh often anymore. No point. I don't really measure often either. I feel good, I look pretty good, my clothes fit well (the ones that are the right size). I'm active and I eat well.
YTT is becoming such a valuable spiritual journey, as well as a physical and mental one. It's hard to put into words. I would not have gotten this experience at the other studio I considered training with. I'm in the right place and the right time. Life is so beautiful and I am so grateful.
Holy moly it's been a while. Busy busy. I've been keeping my private yoga journal along with tracking my workouts separately. I know that leaves you guys mostly out of the loop, but things are going great. So great. I've put on about 5 lbs. of muscle and I feel really powerful physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Food is pretty much a no-brainer now. It's habit and I don't stress the details, I just listen to my body. We communicate rather well now!
Yoga does me so so much good. Mara (random hiking acquaintance turned friend) is now my twice a week trail running buddy.
Yoga seems to be fixing all the little misalignments I've had for years and counteract the compression that running does to my body. Last time I got adjusted, my dad could find nothing wrong except one illium was slightly flared out. Everything else was perfect including my lumbar spine, cervical column, feet and hips. That has never happened.
My butt, legs and arms are improving- well, everything is! The changes are small, and mostly only noticeable to me. I'm pleased.
Just for fun: Yoga body.