I am grateful. I don't say that often enough.
I am grateful for-
A good, well built house in a good neighborhood.
A husband that loves me and all my little idiosyncracies, that is willing to help pick me up and carry me when things get bad in any sense of the word.
A happy family. My relationship with Mom is getting better, I love my relationship with Dad, and I finally came to grips with the idea that MIL and FIL pretty much considered me adopted when Geek brought me home after college.
A happy, well adjusted puppy that learns quickly and is cuter and more useful than any purse dog.
A thriving location. While I detest the oil trash, I am grateful for the boom giving the cities the impetus to expand and get better. Beats a ghost town.
Knowing that even if engineering doesn't want me, I have other, almost instantaneous option for employment.
Food, and plenty of it. It may not be to my tastes, it may not be primal, but I will not go hungry.
Neighbors that care. Even if they have irritating dogs, they take the time out of their day to pass on info if there's been something suspicious going on.
A yard to mow and take care of, because that means Froot Loop has running room and I have nature within stepping distance.
Creature comforts such as multiple personal computers, internet, telly, etc. Even though I don't need to have them , it is nice.
Geek's job allows him to work from home. I'm really happy on this one.
A husband who agrees with me when it comes to money and usage. Buy it outright, not on credit (only exceptions being home, car, and student loans) and use it up, wear it out, and make it do on EVERYTHING, including furniture and vehicles. Buy/ get quality the first time, so you don't hafta buy crap more times. It may seem a bit Depression era in this consumer culture, but it works for us.
A little blog that is getting off the ground and giving me a place to pour creative energy.
A brain split two ways, meaning my right side and left side are equally active, used, and loved.
A healthy, well built body. It may not be exactly what I want yet, and I may be more than a little accident prone, but it is whole, usable, and more healthy than it was.
A growing emotional center, and the ability for the brain to reeducate itself.
A less than ideal childhood, for making me not sweat the small shit and teaching me how to mentally compartmentalize when needed.
A screwy relationship with Mom, so I know what NOT to do with my own kids.
My dad's drinking problems, and Grampa's nicotine and alcohol addicitions, for giving me first hand incentive not to start that.
A brain that can run with a creative process or box it up until I'm willing/ able to let it run.
I have what I need and want, with the exception of the job. Everything else is superfluous.
Friends that have at least a vague idea of where I've been and how my brain/ mind works. Good friends that have passed acid test after acid test and keep coming back. Friends that have seen my tears and realize how vulnerable I am at that time and how much that means I value them, and still came back.
Friends that fell away, for reminding me that not everyone is as strong as I am.
Those that have passed on suddenly, for reminding me to cherish every instant I have with someone.
Those that fought death for years, to remind me that even the strong cannot win against the great equalizer.
Long gone pets, for teaching me true loyalty, love, kindness, and friendliness and being there when the rest of my world had gone to shit, but reminding me nothing is permanent. By the way, if you see a cat with markings that look like a cape and mask, say hi to Emerson's reincarnation for me.
Sentience and intelligence, for making me who I am.
Miss ya and sending positive thoughts your way
Getting a bit irritated with Geek. I keep mentioning places I intend to apply for outside of engineering and he keeps shooting them down. From his actions and reactions, as well as previous conversations, he wants me either in engineering or in something I can drop tomorrow with no qualms if an engr position pops up. I've about given up on engineering; my checkered resume and firing makes it nearly impossible for me to get a job. I'm trying to help with money flow, and he's looking exclusively long term, not really seeing the present. I know he can support us alone, so he's trying to make sure I don't shoot myself in the foot again. I also know that if it gets dire, he can go work for the client. Money is not what the issue is right now. It's that he seems to be unconcerned about the present, to a certain extent, because we can handle it in a way I don't want to. I don't WANT to eat into our savings. This isn't the kind of rainy day I was talking about, because I can still get a job, even if it's not engineering. I want to save that back in case I can't get ANYTHING, or we're both out of work.
I know he wants me to make use of that overpriced piece of paper. I know he wants me to be happy where I work and find somewhere i can stay without getting fucked over. I also know that I've been fucked over at least one too many times, and shot myself in the foot, and engineering positions for my branch are rarer than hen's teeth out here. I need to find something other than engineering while I get ready for my PE, but he doesn't see that. He can't see the trees for the forest and I can't see the forest for the trees.
I feel like you do with all the hiring/firings/laid offs I've had. If I were single, I'd move out of state in a heartbeat. I'm hoping this job will be a change of sorts for me. Something to give me direction. If not, I may need to find a sugar daddy(being married makes that difficult) or become a damn gypsy. Never sure which is worse?
In all honesty, I'm just working on my SER and hoping for the best. I'm on job 2 of 4 in the writing. I have 2, possibly 3 PEs willing to vouch for me in a recommendation, and I know who I'm going to try to get for my fourth (my boss at the State.) Once I get the writing done, I'll have Mentor go over it. Once she thinks it's right, I contact TTU to have them send in my transcript. Then, it's time to start getting it all in the mail as my application to take the P&P. If they like it all, and accept my application, I take the exam in April. Then I wait to see if I passed. If I pass, I'm legally a PE and can get my seal.
If it were just me, I'd move back to Dallas, because CE jobs are all over the place out there. But, it's not, and he wants to stay here. I want to stay here, but he needs to realize how bad my resume looks to an employer. I'm hoping a PE will change that, but it's still, at minimum, 7 months out.
Phew, seven months is a long wait. I can see why you would not want to do nothing. You may have to take a stand on this one.
Even just a part time job just to keep you sane.
OR...You could use this time to continue work on your book. Finishing it would be a great accomplishment. (Says the frustrated writer)
Took Froot Loop to get her shots earlier. Geek handed me cash to pay. Still not keen on that, but I can accept it.
Time to work on my SER and the book.
Hey! At least you can afford to get your dog's shots... ours are both due for their rabies and we don't have the money to vaccinate either dog... :(
MIL said something last night that really resonated, even if she only said it to comfort me. "Maybe you're not meant to be an engineer." I'd hate to think of all that effort going down the drain, but it seems like the more I try to make engineering stick, the more something slaps me and says "NO."
I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do, then.
I point blank refuse to work for the oilfield. It's too volatile, and they work you to death before they chuck you aside for some other moron.
I've thought about sales. It would force me to become more comfortable in my extrovert side, and I would be helping people directly.
I'm trying to stay out of management for management's sake. I'll manage people, if necessary, bu that's not my schtick and I'm not comfortable managing people and schedules.
I'm not working food service. Too many idiots who won't eat good food, and too much of a glimpse into what I'm really eating when I go out.
Retail really doesn't pay enough, I don't think, not even in this overinflated economy. I may try it anyways, as that's at least a semi flexible schedule and I'll be walking a lot.
I don't have the education for medical, geology, or accounting.
I wonder what it would take to work for a gym?
I don't have a teaching certificate.