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I'm bored as hell at work today. Nothing to do but busy work. That's unfortunate, because it gives my already stressed brain time to worry and ponder and freak. My anxiety is no longer through the roof, but it sure as hell isn't where it's supposed to be. I'm still tense enough to have breathing problems. What I wouldn't give for a Xanax or something to knock me unconscious right now. Hell, even the hospital might be a better place to be than my job.
I made an eye appt for Saturday at Wallyworld. I'm hoping it comes out cheap, because I'm really socking away money again in case I get fired.
In a way (not seriously), I wish someone close to me would croak or land in the hospital. It would give me reason not to be at work and to cry my brain out. I need to cry. Unfortunately, I released just enough pressure last night that I don't have enough pressure left to trip the valve again, so no desperately needed tears.
I've also idly had manic, suicidal, and risk taking thoughts (running a red light with heavy traffic flow, wanting to spend all my money on a shopping spree for crap I don't need, having to physically restrain myself to keep from punching someone, that sort of thing.) I recognize them for what they are, so I don't act on them, bu that's def not a good sign. I know it's related to the stress at work.
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:( I can relate to those idle thoughts and the wish for something to happen that could drawn me away from work. Only wanting to get away from work right now, but idle thoughts are definitely not a good sign for me either. Wish I had a solution for ya.
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The best solution, except monetarily and careerwise, would be to pack up my shit, turn in my letter, and walk out the door, possibly into a local inpatient clinic.
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*hugs*
Should I come over that direction for lunch?
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If you want. I know it's a drive for y'all.
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Scratch that. Geek wants to do lunch.
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OK. Maybe tomorrow? I'm supposed to be at the kids' school tomorrow night anyway, so I'll just hang out in Odessa for a bit.
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Ok. We can do that. Figure out what restaurants are Twibble friendly and let me know.
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Broke down for lunch. Had ramen with a poached egg and some slivers of ginger. Can already feel the inflammation and what I hope isn't a migraine. I've been craving ramen for over a month. Why the hell do I want such shitty food when I have the good stuff? Well, today, I didn't (had no leftovers and one egg,) but you get the idea.
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I thought Geek was doing lunch with you?
