I'm not a coffee person, but cream with coffee is really helping my mood and my "sick." Now I'm just hurting.
The mental crap eased up some with caffeine, but I can feel some of those issues lurking in their cages. I need to have a release, but it'll hafta wait until tonight when I can beat up on bullymongs, Nightmare Court, or whatever the bad guy in Torchlight 2 is.
Work is actually reasonably calm today, which is good. Maybe I can chew through my backlog now that I no longer fee like dying.
I hope today is a better day.
A note on IPMG, a lot of people there use dairy products. I haven't had an instance where anyone there was giving me grief for using dairy. Most there seem to be more Primal than Paleo and just use the Paleo+ brand.
Lunch was a gyro salad (homemade gyro meat, homemade tzatziki, baby greens, cuke, tom), and I'll eventually eat that orange on my desk today.
I know someone (Pebbles?) mentioned before that my utter bitchiness and depression when I don't eat might be hypoglycemia. Now that I've found a good cycle for myself, I do wonder about that. Seems applicable, but then again, on days that I don't have creamy coffee, I have approx a 6 hr food window (not by trying for it, that's just how it falls out.) Even with creamy coffee, that becomes a small meal (for me) every 4-6 hrs (coffee for breakfast, leftovers or eggs and bacon for lunch, and whatever dinner is) and maybe a 10 hr eating window. The coffee does help stabilize me, and I think it's the cream doing that, not the java.
Might look further into that, after I bug my doc for my results again.
I used to be incredibly irritable when I was hypoglycemic, but I also felt shaky, nauseated, and ravenously hungry. I don't know what they check for in testing for such a thing, but my blood sugar was never marked as problematic growing up. I was never formally diagnosed, but I most definitely was hypoglycemic.
I think I do have it if I go more than about 8 hrs without eating. A little shaky, cloudy thoughts, utter bitch, headache, very pale, a few other symptoms. I don't know that I'll ever be diagnosed, but I'm not surprised if I do get hit by it. It's on both sides of the family tree.
Well, now I'm confused. The doc finally called me back with my results (she's sending a copy to the house) and what she told me just confused me.
total cholesterol: 270 (50 pts higher than last time, but I haven't been eating as clean)
LDL: High (well, duh), mostly type A, not B
HDL: high (small blessings)
Most of this doesn't worry me. The ApoB confuses me more than anything (wiki didn't really help) and I really want to see my results. She did want me to try eating stricter (her definitions and mine for healthy eating obviously differ) and try to lose more weight.
That last part really confuses me. When I went in this time, she seemed happy that I'd lost those 5 lb, so it isn't just standard fluff that she wants me to lose more. At 5'2", 123-124, and 27 years old, I wonder how much more I can safely lose? Granted, I'm on the high end of normal, and I have a small frame, so losing some weight wouldn't hurt (I apparently need to lose 3-5 lb to be in the normal range for a small frame.) I just don't want to go back to underweight. I was there my whole young life and it blows ass crackers.
None. Well, except the thigh muscle I bruised when I fell coming out of Red Lobster last night. That shit hurts, especially since I did it tripping over my own two feet.
Crashed around 3 last night. Woke up at 530 on the couch, sweating under the fleecy blanket I'd curled up under, and staggered to the bedroom. woke up at 815 and spent 15 min or so telling my body to go the hell back to sleep. Woke up for good around 1030. Including the 3 hr nap with Geek last night, that's 10 hrs. I'd rather it not be broken like that, but my body seems fine by it today.
[/B]Introspective. Fall is always a time of introspection for me, to see how I measure up with what I've done with the year and my life, both in terms of a good life and helping others. Every year, I fail my own high expectations. I wonder if that means I'm not trying hard enough or if my expectations are too high.I'm also turning that advice to lose weight from my doc over and over in my head. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to ratchet down my diet and go as primal as feasible as well as count calories, to see if my body thinks it wants to lose some weight.[B]
Yogurt appears to not be my friend. Both times I've had it this week ended in gas 'splosions within 4 -6 hrs. Skipped my period this month in an effort to get to the new pill and see what it does for/ to me.
[/B]Dinner last night was at Red Lobster, as mentioned before. Had the Endless Shrimp thingy, which resulted in teriyaki shrimp, shrimp scampi, parm shimp without the bread crumbs, caesar salad with some cretin dust I couldn't pick out of it, broccoli with butter, and wild rice pilaf. I avoided the biscuits (first time I've ever successfully done that.)
Breakfast/ lunch today was 3 eggs fried over easy in butter and coconut oil, and topped with a little bit of extra sharp cheddar. While I don't care for the smell while it cooks, I actually like how it tasted. Eggs scrambled in coconut oil was beyond foul, but frying eggs in it might be the way to go.
May go for a walk today or go see if I can't get a replacement tube for my bike (Fucking Walmart special needs a special size tube with an extended valve). She needs a tune up pretty badly, and I should see about getting those front brakes fixed. I may see about finally replacing her with a 26" (she's a 22".) Feeling kinda active, but not sure if I want to try to rip out the remains of the pigeon coop, rip out the remains of a couple plants that weren't drought hardy, or try and get some training done with the dog on the leash at the park.
Pigeon coops gone. 4 years or rage and negative emotions (weather permitting) went into tearing that fucker down. Next victim: the shitty little cinder block planter that's not even mortared together.
It was a Sunday night, so I was lucky to get 6.5 hrs. I got up once, to go from the futon to the bed. Woke up before my alarm by half an hour and curled up next to Geek to enjoy his warmth.
[/B]Running scared. These people go through warm bodies like nobody's business. There's another firing set for this afternoon. They've already hired on a welder that probably won't make it through the week (very few ever do) and are interviewing two more shophands. I don't like instability like this. They keep saying they like me and my talents, yadayada, but I've been lied to before. My gut's wondering why the hell I haven't bailed yet, my precog keeps spitting up deja vu and images of working here, and my brain's reminding them both that no one else has indicated a willingness to hire me and the prudent move is to hang out here until an offer appears.
Been much more awake this weekend and had more energy. I've also had more s3xytime thoughts and less oversensitivity. This is supposed to be shark week, and those both occur during that, so I'm not sure how much is the pill and how much is a confused body. It could also be a new allergy nasal spray that is pretty much miraculous and the extra oxygen from taknig that.
Geek wants me to try lower fat/ less sat fat to appease the doc/ lose weight. Not happening. Well, I do need to eat more protein. Maybe subbing some protein for fat. Dunno.[B]
[/B]Was dinner at the in-laws last night. I had beans and sopa, and was reminded why I shouldn't eat either one. Not as explosive as usual, but still gassy. The two/ three oranges I've had from this bag have all given me lower belly aches. I wouldn't think it sensitivity, given that lemons and limes give me no issue, but who knows. I've got some more in my lunchbox today, I guess we'll see.
[/B]Last night was chile, carne asado, sopa, homemade corn chips, homemade cheese sause, and beans. And a handful of marshmallows. I really need to get better about what I choose to eat at the in- laws. MIL's sopa is really hard to turn down. I wonder if I could convince her to make it with spag squash?
We'll see. I was feeling really active yesterday and didn't get it out of my system. Maybe today I'll get to do something.