[QUOTE=naiadknight;237815] I realize what that usually means in my dreams and walk forward to stab the monster with the pencil and, right as he's dissolving to mist, I wake up.
The pencil is indeed mightier than the sword.
What an incredible lucid dream, naiad! I know you will use this wisely and well :)
You are far more powerful than you know...
For any and all that read this journal:
Thou art God. Grok well.
I have a hard time being/ living alone. I really do. Part of it being that I never really have (dorms don't count and I only live in that apt in Lbk for 2 mos.) The other being that it forces me to spend time with... me. That's an uneasy peace there. There's 3 distinct sides of me and they generally shy away from one another (no, not like MPD.) There's the little girl, the tiny little thing who does everything to make things right, regardless of whether or not it's right for her, so long as everyone else is happy. There's my outer persona, the bold, happy, sarcastic bitch y'all know and love. And then there's the persona I started discovering as i started coming into my own and working through my trials and tribulations. Y'all know her too. Being alone, those 3 start shit, start dredging up shit I was quite happy leaving buried.
It's not that I can't stand myself, far from it, I'm proud of myself and my heritage. it's not that I'm not making progress, I am. It's that all these emotions come over me and I haven't the foggiest what to name them or what to do to get them out, other than crying and screaming, which I don't like doing. Not because it's unladylike or because others'll hear (I doubt they would,) but because it takes another chunk out of that tough bitch shell, that carapace I'm quite happy leaving in p... well, that's not even true. I'm not happy leaving ti in place, but I'd rather have that there than appear *shudder* human. If I'm human, I can be hurt. Again. for the 5 bajillionth time. By those that supposedly love me. for the 5 bajillionth time. Husband would never hurt me, the Guys would never (intentionally) hurt me. There are others who wouldn't hurt me, who go out of their way because they know my weak spots, my choke points. It boils down to fear. All this damn madness, all this damn foolishness and trying to pin it on folks who only started the ball rolling (my parents, that one ex), it boils down to fear. Fear of being hurt. But I can not learn if I can not hurt. It's a great way to live forever, but that'd be no life. Now that I have a name for the beast with a million faces, he isn't so big.
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." Only partially true. "Know thyself." May help, couldn't hurt, those spider holes are scary though. "Grok." I'd love to, I'm still working on that. "Be good." I have my limits. "Be good." Dammit, no. "Be Good, Grok?!" Yeah, I grok. Be good.
You are amazing my love! I loved this entry and although my deep thinking mechanism is disabled currently, I so totally got your message! :)
I am really grateful that you were plopped into my life at the right time, (THAT GOES FOR YOU GUYS TOO *Points to everyone else reading this*) it's extraordinary.
And i am spent
Thanks, Bone! I needed that.
You're one tuff chica.
Tell me I don't want a DQ Blizzard. The ingredients trick isn't working.
Alright, there's a work around for this. What do I want in it? Chocolate, cold, creaminess, fruity... I'm out of coconut milk. Uhhh... wait, I have pumpkin, I have egg, I have chocolate.... I have an idea.
Pumpkin chocolate meringue cookies.
[B]1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.[/B]
more curry, a full batch of pumpkin chocolate chip meringues (all 3 egg whites and 1/2 c pumpkin...)
[B]2. Move around a lot at a slow pace.[/B]
[B]3. Lift heavy things.[/B]
Yayyy!!! see above. It happened.
[B]4. Run really fast every once in a while.[/B]
[B]5. Get lots of sleep.[/B]
[B]7. Get some sunlight everyday:[/B]
[B]8. Avoid trauma.[/B]
[B]9. Avoid poisonous things.[/B]
[B]10. Use your mind
[/B]Worked through some more emotional crap. Discovered that it's a lot harder to make meringues without cream of tartar.
So how did the meringues turn out? They sound interesting. Great job avoiding the DQ too! I am so glad we don't have one here :)