A Work in Progress: Finding the Right Balance (firetiger)
So apparently my other journal got attacked by some sort of malware so I am starting a new one. Here's my old intro copy & pasted:
Hey everyone! I'm a 26 year old graduate student in New Orleans and have been primal for about a month now. I have seen great results already. I feel and look a lot leaner. I am not overweight but would like to tone up my lower ab area a bit. The constant bloated feeling has left. It wasn't that difficult to make the transition as I was eating pretty clean and low carb. The difficult part for me is when I go out with my friends. I try to stick to a cider or red wine but sometimes I end up with a vodka soda. I think life is about balance and since this is a lifestyle I try to be flexible. I'm also struggling when my friends want to grab dinner somewhere. Sometimes the food will now 1) make me feel sick or 2) I don't want anything on the menu or what would be the best choice is not on my grad school budget. I've been pretty good at avoiding eating out.
Before I always ate about 5-6 small meals. I like the idea of eating when I'm hungry but old habits die hard. I tend to plan when I am home to eat because I know that when I leave my home I will get hungry and make not-the-best decisions. I used to eat a lot of protein bars/nut bars but they were processed and still contained gluten products. So I have now made up baggies of cashews, almonds, a few dried cherries & a few dark chocolate chips. I eat one of these a day usually between classes.
For exercise I try to get some good walking in out in the Louisiana sunshine if I have time and a WOD usually a HIIT style workout (Bodyrock style or DailyHiit as it's called now) a few times a week. Lately I have found a yoga studio that I really enjoy and I need it more mentally/spiritually than physically. I feel taller (which is not necessary seeing as that I'm 5'11), more flexible and more balanced in general. I am focusing on beating or at least coming to terms with my struggle with long-term depression/anxiety. Yoga is part of my (self-imposed) treatment. I also have recently been prescribed Wellbutrin & am giving cognitive behavioral therapy a go.
GOT Party & Bacon-ish Question
9:30 10 min HIIT workout including burpees, pushups, etc
B: 2 eggs fried in pasture butter & a green smoothie (1/3 can lite coco milk, handful of spinach, a few strawberries, few frozen blueberries, amazing grass choc greens powder)
S: coffee with a bit of almond milk
L: 5 oz baked lemon dill salmon with pasture butter, asparagus & some yellow bell pepper
6-7:30 serenity yoga
D: 2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 avocado of guacamole with celery & cucumber (as chips actually quite delicious), 1 cup of beef chilli made with onions, tomatoes, ground beef, yellow pepper, spinach salad with some shredded cheese & balsamic, piece of fried plantain
My friends and I have a weekly Game of Thrones watching party with food and drinks. I have an exam tomorrow so easily turned down the beer. I made guacamole and cut up celery & cucumber slices. I grabbed 2 hard boiled eggs as I was famished after yoga & not sure what they would have there. They had a giant assortment of SAD foods like taco pizza, cheese dip, jalapeno poppers etc. I am not even tempted anymore because I know it will make me feel ill. One girl made chilli and I ate that & picked out the beans. Funny after the meal they were all complaining how much their stomachs hurt. Mine feels great. Success!
Question: I bought this super thick cut bacon (like too thick to fry) thinking I could slice it myself...haha nope. Now I don't know what to do with it. I think it's for adding flavor to things not eating like regular bacon. Any ideas?
Please Don't Feed German Chocolate to the Sugar Addict
I'll admit it: I am a sugar addict. I have no trouble saying no to savory SAD items but desserts especially of the chocolate persuasion, no willpower. My roommate has a lovely German girl staying with us & to thank me for the hospitality she gave me authentic German beer & a Ritter Sport coconut chocolate bar. I was happy to accept the beer but the chocolate (it's milk) shiiiiiiiiiiiiit! So as soon as I was alone I ripped open the chocolate to taste it. OMG it was heavenly. After that I couldn't stay away from it & ended up eating the whole bar. Now I feel 1)shitty upset stomach 2) headache 3) super guilty/failure. I hope to mitigate the effects by not beating myself up about it. Nothing I can do now.
The question is: what do I do about the rest of the day? I am still technically under on my carbohydrates (at 45ish). I feel silly cutting out healthy veggies to save carbs so I probably won't. I have been really good up until now but I know that this won't be the only other time that someone offers me a dessert. I need to learn how to exercise willpower with sugar. I've even turned down beers. I'm seriously addicted to sugar. Ughhhh...
My day so far:
B: 2 eggs fried in butter, 2 tbsp homemade guacamole, 1/3 can lt coco milk with coffee
S: chocolate bar :(
L: 6 oz chicken cooked in EVOO with lemon garlic & parsley
I did however perfect pan-frying chicken breast & de-glazing (?) it. I can't wait to get some fattier cuts. I love the skin...it's my fave.
Sugar makes my skin crawl
It's official: I am a recovering sugar addict. I feel absolutely miserable after consuming that chocolate bar. My skin is crawling & I plummeted into an awful depression...I know my triggers now are higher sugar foods. Additionally I did not plan out my meals well. I keep trying to cook extra but then end up eating it all in one sitting, forgetting that I am [I]not starving[/I] myself anymore haha. Also meat that was frozen solid does not de-thaw in one day...poor planning.
1) Someone told me "don't let perfect be the enemy of good." This is quite a departure from my depressed brain's thinking that the opposite of perfect is failure. Gone. It's not black & white. Re-wiring my brain's thinking, baby step by baby step in all aspects of my life.
2) No sugary things. Not even a bite. It makes me want MORE MORE MORE...like crack.
3) Plan. Plan. Plan.
Last exam tomorrow & job interview...wish me luck ;)
Violent Reaction to Cider?
I am all done with exams & have spent most of my day catching up on sleep. The semester went well though & I felt good about the research assistant job interview. Crossing my fingers...Here's what I've consumed so far:
B: coffee with almond milk & hard boiled egg
S: coffee with almond milk & some yellow bell pepper
L: 6 oz ground chuck burger cooked in bacon grease, some natural ground mustard, salad with baby romaine, balsamic & olive oil, Ace Pear Cider
Immediately after lunch I felt sick, really sick. My face was on fire. I thought I was going to throw-up. I was scared my meat had gone bad. I slept it off & it's 7:20 now & I feel fine. I'm pretty sure it was the cider. It's a low-sugar natural gluten free cider so the reaction really surprised me. I guess I will stick to red wine since I don't have a reaction to that. We will see in the coming days as celebrations of end-of-the-semester abound.
Feeling kind of sick still
I made a shrimp stir-fry for dinner but could barely eat it. I still feel ill. I think I might be getting sick...so it wasn't the cider. I also ate some 88% dark chocolate with a tsp almond butter. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow. Getting back to yoga tomorrow as well.
Cheating & not feeling bad about it & 10 lbs down
I celebrated the end of the semester and some friends' birthdays along with my own personal employment accomplishment. We went to a typical Mexican restaurant. I bypassed the chips & salsa & started with a glass of red wine. I finished that I really wanted a double margarita so I had one. It tasted good, not strange like some other things have since switching to primal. I ordered fajitas & ditched the rice, beans, flour tortillas and ate the steak, veggies, guacamole, lettuce & sour cream. Then came dessert for the birthday celebration of cupcakes. I tried a baby bite & they were gross. Then the party continued elsewhere & I had a Woodchuck cider (9 g sugar) & a few shots of tequila. The damage certainly could have been worse.
Additionally I noticed a scale in the girls apartment we were at & hopped on. It said 148 lbs (I'm 5'11"). WHAT? Last time I weighed myself I was at 158. 10 lbs down thanks to primal/yoga combo. I really do need some better fitting clothes.
Today I am going to venture to WF because I heard there are sales there Fridays. We shall see. It's nice that I can spend money on my wellbeing & not feel guilty about it.