I'm feeling really irritable today and it's making me crave eating crap. I just feel really frustrated with my daughter's lack of helping out with the chores and constantly expecting money and rides with no notice at all. I'm frustrated with work stress and stress in general. I'm kind of feeling lonely too and tired of doing it all alone. It's just kind of an off day for me.
It's crazy though because I'm finding myself craving things I haven't craved in months like pasta and candy bars. I guess some of my crap eating must have been emotional... And probably still is.
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Well, didn't get my walk in today but I made good progress on the deck removal. I can't wait to have a planting area for herbs and things!
I embedded up spending a lot of time with friends over during the last couple days. It seems relationships are writers for a lot of people I know right now, maybe I'm not so bad off not being in one. Most of the time I'm really ok with it and it'd be hard to get everything done that I need to with another person to give time to, especially with going back to school soon. Ah, how other people's struggles can put things in perspective.
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Well, here it is, Thursday morning. I'm a little down because my weight is up again although it's just a little. I'm still below 200 which is good and with how sore my poor muscles are, I'm hoping it was muscle gain rather than fat. Today's a work from home day so I need to make sure I'm getting up and moving around a lot. Thanks to my fitbit, I've learned I move WAY less on WFH days than office days, probably because everything is so close by. No walking downstairs to the gym, downstairs and way far away outside for a smoke (that nasty habit I haven't managed to break yet), walking to the break room for a coffee or water refill etc. Instead, all the same things are within 10 feet of my working area. Even my TRX is set up right by my laptop so I can do exercises while on the phone and still able to see my screen. It makes for more working out during work since I can sneak in some sets of things here and there without logging into break, but still much less movement overall. My goal for today is to be more aware of that and at the very least do some stair work on break and maybe go for a run around the neighborhood at lunch if it holds out and doesn't rain.
I'm feeling much better about work since I decided to go back to school. Kind of like a huge stressor is mostly gone now. For a while I felt like I was going through a really restless almost mid-life existential crisis. I'm good at what I do but I get no joy from it anymore. I've decided that since I dealt with fibromyalgia and chronic pain for so long, and since I've found amazing relief from that to the point where I feel like there's nothing I can't do, I want to help other people find relief from their pain and immobility so they can have an increased quality of life too. So, 3 per-requisite classes between now and April and 25-40 observation hours at local PT clinics and I'll be applying to the Physical Therapist Assistant program. I feel really excited about it!
Go for a run in the rain! Lol I live in Washington...it rains like 10 months out of the year here so...yeah. I don't run, but I walk and play in the rain with my kids all the time. :)
Sounds like you're doing really well. I originally discovered PB last year, been doing it off and on. Decided last night that enough is enough. Time to commit. So today is day 1. Gonna be a good day. :)
Grok On! <3
Well, I did end up running a bit and stayed pretty busy this weekend. Today is going to be my big struggle though. My goal is to not smoke at all.
I'm a little panicky sitting here in my cube knowing that I have no cigarettes, but I'm trying to remind myself that a little panic and bitchiness is worth it for my health. If I'm spending all this time on changing my diet and exercising and getting healthy then this is my next step and it needs to be done.
Hopefully I won't get too moody. I know if I don't dwell on it I should be fine, I just can't seem to get my head to quit obsessing on the fact that "I can't have one". It's almost like bread cravings when I first quit that in that just knowing I wasn't going to do it anymore seemed to make me want to do it even more. Gah, this crap is addictive!
But once it's totally out of your system and you get into your new, wonderful, cigarette-free lifestyle, it will be worth it! Good for you!! Good luck! You can do it!! :)
Be healthy! Live well!
Grok on! <3
A week and a half with no cigarettes
Cholesterol and glucose down
Damn, I really haven't been on here like I thought I would be... Life seems to have gotten crazy busy this week. Lots going on and to top it all off, next week I have class starting and 2 5ks that I might not be able to run due to what we think is most likely a sprained foot. (Damn running really hard to try and take my mind off smoking)
So, I'm starting to get really frustrated. My weight is definitely slowing down... to a crawl. I haven't been able to run in a week and it's making me crazy. even my 5 mile hike didn't happen this weekend thanks to my stupid sprained foot not feeling any better in the last week. If it's still bothering me as much on Monday I have to go in for x-rays. So, no 5k for me this weekend. I'm still taking Friday and Monday off though, I need a break from work to just relax!
I've been thinking about starting Whole 30 to see if some allergy issues and continued inflammation might be related to something still in my diet, and to kind of kick start me with a new pattern to help with fighting off the constant munchies I seem to have since stopping smoking. I'm not hungry so much, but since it was a stress reducer for me I'm finding myself thinking I'm hungry or "should probably eat something" in times I would normally be smoking.
On a happy front, I had a PR on hack squats last night at the gym at 260lbs! :cool:
Pondering of the day...
When I started to work out it was an exercise in overcoming my bad self esteem and fear. A big part of it for me was to quit worrying about what other people would think, it even still is sometimes.
I was reluctant to run because of what other people who might see me (who I don't know) would think of this "fat ass" (what I thought of myself) who was pretending to be healthy slowly trudging along the street.
I didn't know if I wanted to lift weights because I was embarrassed that I had to start small and couldn't do more like I could when I was younger, like I wasn't good enough yet to belong in a gym.
I didn't really want anyone to see me work out doing anything at all because you could tell I didn't know what I was doing and was tremendously out of shape and I didn't want to make a fool of myself...
I didn't want to be judged for not being there yet. This thinking kept me not doing anything for a long time and well, we *all* have to start somewhere.
The first step may be hard, but it's well worth it. Not just with health and fitness like I've been dealing with, but for anything we're letting fear hold us back from, and once that positive momentum gets going... watch out!!
Thursday I had to go in for a mammogram. Friday they called to schedule a diagnostic and ultrasound because it was abnormal. This was the first one I've ever had so I'm a bit nervous about what they saw even though they claim they have to do this a lot. Needless to say, as the weekend wore on I got more and more nervous about it and had a bit of a hard time with cravings - both food and tobacco. I managed to not eat crap but did break down and smoke.
Damn it, why do I do stupid crap like that when I'm stressed??
Oh well, today is a new week and I'll hopefully hear back on the results within not too long of a time frame. At least I have a lot of homework to finish by tomorrow night to keep me busy. I think this term is going to be harder than I thought, it's been a long time since I was in school and it seems like this class is really short but it'll be one step closer to leaving the world of tech support!