Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal)
So I've decided to start my very own PB journal so I can waste even more time on this forum.
A bit of background is in order. I warn you--this is going to be TMI.
I was fat as a kid--not obese, just slightly overweight, chubby. Kids at school made fun of me because kids are mean like that. I developed an eating disorder (bulimia) at age 11, shortly after I started my period. This was the end of 5th grade. I know that by the time I started 6th grade I had lost a ton of weight (puking up everything you eat will do that) and could no longer be considered chubby. However, kids at school continued to make fun of me because, you know, I had been the "fat girl" for so long. Old habits die hard, I guess.
In the meantime, aside from being bulimic most of the time, I also tried every fad diet out there. Juice fasts, the master cleanse, days where I would eat nothing but apples. I was obsessed with food, obsessed with my weight. And I had serious anger issues, which could only be controlled by cutting myself. So, yeah, your typical normal teenager here.
Edit: I just deleted some stuff. Forgot that these forums show up on Google searches. Not sure I'm ready to overshare with the entire Interwebs. So now the story isn't going to make much sense... Anyway, some stuff happened, and I lost weight. Then I gained weight again. Not a horrible amount. I did not become overweight or anything. I did not really care that much about it. Strangely enough, my obsession with my weight did not come back right away. (The degree of obsession I experienced in my ED days has never come back. Thank god for small favors, right?) At my heaviest, I was about 142 lbs at 5'4".
Then I moved across the country, quick smoking, and started working out. I lost 17 pounds without ever dieting. That put me at 125 lbs. I was happy at 125.
Then I started law school (third biggest mistake in my life) and gained a few pounds. I was stable maybe around 130. Over three years, my weight fluctuated between 125 and 135 but was mostly stable around 130. At one point, in the early summer of 2010, I experimented with primal for the first time. Lasted maybe two months. Didn't really lose any weight or notice any changes. Went back to conventional eating. Then, last April (2012), I went primal again. Stuck with it that time. Been pretty much primal ever since (not perfect though, obviously).
I had the Paragard (copper IUD) inserted at the end of August last year, and I think that's what's caused me to gain about 6 pounds. Now I'm between 137 and 139. Yikes! It's the heaviest I've been in years. I tried doing VLC and restricting calories (1200-1500 calories, 1400 most days, less than 30 g net carbs) but just could not lose the weight. Finally, I got sick of restricting and counting so I stopped doing that in mid-February. When I stopped restricting I was around 137. Now I'm 139. This can't go on, and I'm sorry that the end of this thread has all been about my weight. This is really lame, I know.
I have an appointment to have the IUD removed this Friday. We'll see what happens.
[I]To be continued . . . [/I]