[QUOTE=Derpamix;1185934]There is always going to be something worse that will happen to look forward to, why bother dwelling on all the small things?
Hah! What a ray of sunshine you are!
I actually agree though. My motto has always been: No matter how bad things are right now, they can always get worse. :D
What I find attractive in theory has very little to do with what I actually end up in bed with, for the most part. I have very low actual standards for appearance. I mostly go by the vibe I get from the guy, and their personality and beliefs. Those things are what I really care about, as long as the person in question isn't hideous. (And it's pretty hard to be hideous, like I said, very low standards.)
In theory, I think a guy with lean muscles looks the best, but, in the dark, I actually prefer a bit of pudge. I mean, they're just more huggable like a pillow when they're a bit pudgy. I once dated a really skinny guy--great guy, btw, one of my favs in retrospect, but he wanted kids too badly and was a bit sexist (not in a bad way, in an endearing way, but still) so that kinda scared me off, plus he didn't like sauces on food--and there's nothing wrong with the way he looked, but when we made out and stuff, I'd get jabbed by his hip bones, and it hurt.
Can't we all just get along?? D:
Seriously, I don't understand why a [I]healthy[/I] body, irrespective of shape / size, can't be considered attractive. Each person has his own tastes and preferences when it comes to attractiveness. That's why they make 31 flavors. I do agree though that many excessively thin women are not healthy. Some are, yes, but not most.
Story time. I have a friend with a gorgeous body - slender and slim but not too skinny or anorexic looking (I'm not sure whether she has a thigh gap...) but anyway, she's in her late 30's so it seemed to me that this is her natural figure. We had dinner the other night and she was expressing her hunger as we waited for the food. I replied with, "I'm [I]always[/I] hungry." ad she said, "Well of course you are. We all are. But you [I]control[/I] yourself." I was so taken aback. I'm not sure why. I think I wanted to believe that she was this completely free being that was always satisfied, exercised a bit (she does), and looked her best because of it.
[QUOTE=YogaBare;1185210]@Paleomom, Cierra, Ombat: thank you for the kind words :)
Posting those pics was a lot more triggering than I thought it would be. Ever since then I found myself filled with loathing towards my body, and thinking about crash diets. Which doesn't really make sense, considering the supportive comments you guys gave me!
I know that this is an inner problem and I need to sort that before addressing the outer problem. It's more important for me to finally accept my body than to think about dropping body fat.[/QUOTE]
Well, I remember we once discussed how [I]any[/I] comments, positive or negative, about your body can be triggering -- like when my friend said something about me not looking so sickly and then I was really bothered by it the rest of the day. It is an internal issue, but it's one that you and I (and so many others) need to learn how to handle in our lives. People are always going to make comments, thin women and bony bodies and thigh gaps and flat stomachs will always be around for us to compare ourselves to. But the fact that these things will always be present in our lives is all the more reason to learn how accept positive comments for what they really are (compliments!)
Another thing: whenever I see a very thin, beautiful woman, I try to think to myself that yes, [I]she[/I] may be healthy and happy, but when I tried to look like that for myself, I was miserable and it was an unsustainable way of life. I remember what I'm working towards and realize that things are getting better every day, as long as I'm looking at the bigger picture instead of focusing on so many little details.
I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad, you're all beautiful!
I, personally, have no problem with people being thin and/or others being attracted to thin people. I know a lot of very naturally thin people -- most of them over 50 -- and they are really nice, fun, lovely people.
What I want to point out to folks that a lot of this goes beyond body type and into postural positions and photo shopping -- particularly for folks who compare themselves to pictures and feel insecure about their bodies comparatively.
It's also important to note that a lot of women get triggered when anyone speaks about what *they* find beautiful because it is often not just expressing an opinion about beauty but an attempt to police another person's body (ie, Gal: "I lift weights!" Guy: "I don't like bulky women; I prefer toned!" *image posted of his preference*). I'm not saying that you were doing that, specifically derma, just that we often face these issues when we start talking about our own bodies and how we care for them and like them for what they are, which means that when *anyone* mentions their preferences, we tend to get triggered.
In this instance, I wasn't reading carefully to see if a door was opened to discuss our beauty preferences (i don't believe it was), but rather the discussion was an honest "appraisal" of YB's body as she posted her pictures, and what people liked about her in particular, and moreso what she liked, and then beyond this, what she was letting go of in terms of beauty standard.
And it's because of this that your statements were taken up a bit more . . . aggressively? . . . than you might have expected.
Thigh gap does exist. But, in most photos, it's due to positioning of the body (the first photo you posted actually has the girls legs and pelvis in the position that I described. Cindy Crawford's legs are photoshopped (both thinned and lengthened) in the picture that YB posted, and the young woman in the last photograph is very long/thin in body type, but the photograph does look at the least slightly shopped in terms of lighting and also skin smoothing/shading even if the body itself was not adapted. And, it's fairly easy to adapt the body in photoshop quickly, and I was really amazed at how an image can "not look shopped" and yet still be shopped. I found [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dJujKM635s"]this video[/URL] and [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiSvKP256-c"]this video[/URL] interesting.
So, unless you took the photograph, I can't assume that it's not shopped, you know? Some shop jobs are so good, you don't notice (good graphic artist!). Other jobs are chop-jobs. And pretty much any pictures of celebs are shopped -- even paparazzi pics!
[QUOTE=Derpamix;1186695]I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad, you're all beautiful![/QUOTE]
You didn't make me feel bad. People could compliment me day and night, or insult me endlessly, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the way I choose to interpret it. The only way I could ever feel bad about myself is if I choose to interpret it that way.
... And I'm deciding to [B]not[/B] to think in those negative terms. (Easier said, than done.)
and fwiw, I wasn't personally triggered, but was noticing that others were and might need some help identifying things. :) And, finally, it is a personal pet peeve of mine when I go "i really like my thighs" and someone goes "you look great, but i love thigh gap!" (as an example, didn't really happen).
a lot of women get triggered when anyone speaks about what *they* find beautiful because it is often not just expressing an opinion about beauty but an attempt to police another person's body (ie, Gal: "I lift weights!" Guy: "I don't like bulky women; I prefer toned!" *image posted of his preference*). I'm not saying that you were doing that, specifically derma, just that we often face these issues when we start talking about our own bodies and how we care for them and like them for what they are, which means that when *anyone* mentions their preferences, we tend to get triggered. [/QUOTE]
That's a great summation Zoe. I would like to add that it's not just women who get triggered by stuff like that: men do too. Hence I would never tell a skinny guy that buff men are sexier, or tell a guy who works in a video game store how attractive rich, successful men are (disclaimer: just examples - not my personal preferences ;) :p)
[QUOTE] Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix
I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad, you're all beautiful![/QUOTE]
You definitely didn't [I]make[/I] anyone feel bad! We're all responsible for our own emotions. Very thin women just happened to trigger a lot of stuff for a lot of women. It's nothing against the women themselves, or the men who happen to like them. As I said, if I didn't think skinny was beautiful, I wouldnt have starved myself to the point that I did. However, I also appreciate the beauty of some plus size models. For someone so critical of my own body, I'm actually not so critical of other people's.
I maintain my dislike of the thigh gap though ;)
See what photoshop can do, though? I think this is why I should stop trying to look like a magazine model...
I don't believe [I]any[/I] photos anymore. >__<
[QUOTE=Cierra;1187032]See what photoshop can do, though?
I don't believe [I]any[/I] photos anymore. >__<[/QUOTE]
About those bikini shots of myself I posted: there's been something I've been meaning to tell you.........