You probably need t3 to do this effectively.
You probably need t3 to do this effectively.
[QUOTE=Zach;1169677]You probably need t3 to do this effectively.[/QUOTE]
Which part - the resetting? Steve said it's possible without t3 for some people. In my case he said to wait til the thyroid results are in before trying to reset.
To do any of it. Most likely that is your biggest hurdle and a lot of times you cant do it with food/stress alone.
In the interim, here's some funny shit: [url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/photos-you-really-need-to-look-at-to-understand]25 Photos You Need To Really Look At To Understand[/url] (I like number 4 :))
These are even better: [url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/nataliem15/14-engagement-photos-that-will-make-you-happy-you-a0ne]11 Engagement Photos That Will Make You Happy Youre Single[/url]
Those photos concern me. The first one reminds me of this:
[QUOTE=ombat;1169767]Those photos concern me. The first one reminds me of this:
I really liked the midget bridesmaids, the girl with the crazy-hairy arms, and the little man on the chick's back. And number four, but I would probably be banned for posting it ;)
[B]Raising Body Temp[/B]
Writing early today cos' I'm so exhausted I want to go to bed... (it's 8pm).
I actually can't remember... 12.30am - 7.15am maybe?
Woke up at 36.5C, have been around that all day.
- Skin is still really dry
- Getting another cyst on my eyebrow!
- A lot of sugar cravings again today. I ate five bananas! The last one was in coconut milk with added sugar... Mmmm :)
[U][B]Energy and mood:[/B][/U]
Honestly, I'm exhausted [I]again[/I]. I can't blame this experiment though... chronic fatigue is a staple of my life. Some days I feel good, but most of the time I'm operating below par.
Mood-wise... I've been aware for the last month that something is changing. I'm feeling more accepting and happier, but last night something new crystallized.
I'm getting angry.
Anger is an unusual emotion for me. I tend to avoid conflict / repress my feelings until they become depression / blame myself for everything and feel I don't deserve good things / turn anger into self hatred.
But (and please don't judge me for this) lately, I have lashed out at several of my friends. Well, not lashed out exactly, but "sent a message". Most recently last night. I was having a drink with my one of my best mates, and I ended up telling her about the "Eating a Ton" experiment. She is one of the few people who knows about my ED, but I never told her the extent of it. I told her everything - even mentioned all my peeps on MDA who have helped me so much! - but she didn't say a word, then she suddenly went to the loo, and when she came back, she suggested we leave.
I couldn't believe it. I saw red. I was blind with fury. I said good bye and stormed off. She texted me after about 10 mins asking me if I was mad, but I didn't reply.
Two thoughts were going through my head: 1) "I'm so [I]heavy[/I], it's not fair to tell other people about my issues, I'm burdening them, I should keep it all to myself, I should just be fun all the time, no one will love me if I keep sharing this stuff, they don't get me", and 2) "FUCK her. Fuck THAT. I don't NEED this shit. I'm fine ALONE".
Two perfectly rational streams of consciousness, ha ;)
But the reality was that I felt rejected. I had just poured my heart out to someone, and it had barely registered. It hurt.
People can be careless with each other. In the past I would take it, even if it hurt. I believed I was "too sensitive" and that my emotions weren't valid. But over the last six weeks a part of me has emerged that says that I am perfect just the way I am. My sensitivity [I]is[/I] me, for better and worse, and I deserve to be loved and respected for it.
Part of this means that I don't need to "explain" myself to people anymore. If someone fucks me off, I don't need to clarify the intricacies of my inner world or "talk things through". I don't need to make myself vulnerable to people just so we can have a friendship. I'm prepared to let these friendships go.
My friend last night was direct with me, so I replied to her this morning and explained why she pissed me off and that I'm not sure who I'm supposed to talk to about these things if I can't talk to her. I'm not used to being direct with people, so I wasn't sure how she was going to take it, but she was really sorry and I appreciated that. We're cool.
If I care about someone, I love them and will do anything for them. But I realise now I'm not just existing for other people. I'm not saying that I want to dump my shit on people all the time - that's not fair, but I'm not floating in superficial relationships anymore; just being who the person wants me to be. They have to take all of me.
This entry has become a manifesto..!
Wow, sounds to me as though you're going through a huge psychological shift. Welcome to the world of anger :mad: I live here a lot.
Anger is a response I think, and it's better to respond rather than to react. Sounds as though you did the former. It's great to let your friend know that you're angry with her and it's great to consider why you're angry exactly and what it means about your friendship.
I deal with a lot of anger, I grew up in a rage filled environment and breaking the generational patterns is the test of my life. What isn't helpful for me is directing my anger internally, the consequences are never beneficial. It's better to rage at the world and be a bit of a nutter for a while that to direct it inwards.
Isn't it interesting that your ED recovery is manifesting physically and emotionally (and spiritually?)
If your friend didn't know how to respond, it would have been the courteous thing to do to just come out and say, "Hey look, I'm really sorry you're going through this etc. but I don't know what to say," rather than try to get out of saying anything at all. Because then you just feel kind of like an idiot for pouring your guts out and not getting a response. That's frustrating, I'm sorry.
I'm glad you told her why you were feeling the way you were. Not always, but most of the anger we direct at others is actually anger we have with ourselves. So I'll have to disagree with VW in that I don't really see a difference between obviously outward vs inwardly directed rage. I don't think either are healthy and that they're just manifestations of some fear that you need to deal with. In your case, you might have been afraid of the implications that your friend, the person you feel comfortable opening up to, didn't care about or was rejecting you in some way. I could be off base here, I'm not in your head, but that's just what I'm getting.
If you continue to be honest with the people around you, like you were with your friend this morning, I think your anger will fade. Being an ass kicking, take-no-BS independent person and rage aren't mutually inclusive, contrary to popular belief :P
P.S. Re: burdening other people with your issues, I feel the same way. Recently I've been opening up more but I keep most things to myself and am careful not to be negative too often. Tbh though, I think it's mostly because I think I don't need anyone else's help and that talking about things without getting any real advice (which is usually the case with friends) isn't practical (I know, what kind of female am I??). But then everything builds up and I end up [I]over[/I]sharing.. Like I do here, on MDA :D Anyway, I think the key is to find mutual relationships rather than parasitic ones and you're definitely onto that. You do not need to exist just for anyone else's else's benefit!
I don't have anything wise to contribute, but just wanted to say I "hear" you :) Hugs.
On fatigue, I'm surprised by all the fatigue you've been writing about. I'd had the impression that you had good energy with all the walking and yoga. Do you think this is coming from following Steve's work? It seems like you started writing about it around the same time... My head is fuzzy though, ignore me if I'm totally off.