Amazing ALan Watts on near-death / transcendental experiences.
"The reason we die is to give us the opportunity to understand what life's all about - by letting go, our natural consciousness can see clearly what this Universe is for."[/QUOTE]
Wow, that sounds intense, YB. (Not the Alan Watts--I haven't watched it yet, but the story about the Austrian guy.) I've always had a hard time moving to another place for a guy. Actually, I've never been able to do it, even where the guy is close to perfect and there isn't any kind of power play going on.
In some sense though, it is rational to be afraid of getting involved, giving things up, only to have it not work out. After all, that's what I've done--haha! And it sucks. But you can't let fear dictate your life, and I know you know that. :)
Did you tell him about your plan to move to the U.S.? If so, what did he think about it?
Hey girl, my first time checking the forum since Friday so I just read your story.
It is difficult feeling so strongly towards and loving someone who might not be "good" for us. At some point is it possible that you fell in love with the turmoil and uncertainty surrounding the relationship between you two? That seems evidenced by the fact of you seeing him again and realizing he wasn't the person you'd thought him to be / your feelings were no longer the same as they were. Is it possible that there were factors clouding your judgment when you first met many years ago and that you are a different person now and able to see things more clearly? From what you've described of his wavering back and forth he is either extremely capricious or has zero respect for your feelings by constantly being dishonest with you.
Thanks for your replies ladies! I really appreciate them. I felt silly writing it all out, but it was kind of cleansing.
Made see see even more clearly that my "soul mate"... is a dope :p Back then I was into "tortured" guys because they expressed everything I bottled inside, and I thought they would understand me. But really, he in particular, is completely self absorbed: something I didn't realise til I went to visit him in Feb. It was kind of the moment when I realised how much [I]I'd [/I]changed. I'm finding myself attracted to different kinds of guys since then.
Did you tell him about your plan to move to the U.S.? If so, what did he think about it?[/QUOTE]
He asked me to move to Germany :rolleyes: Aint gonna happen: I can see the future here.
[QUOTE=ombat;1251808]he is either extremely capricious or has zero respect for your feelings by constantly being dishonest with you.[/QUOTE]
How was your holiday hon>?>
[B][U]Monday, 14th July[/U][/B]
[B]Energy and mood[/B]
Well, all good things must end, and unfortunately I've been really tired for the last week :( I'm tired for most of the day, and need to take afternoon naps.
It's mostly because since I started reducing my calories my sleep has gone to shit. I'm not even cutting severely: most days I'm up around 1,800-2K. For certain now, I can't sleep properly unless I have 300gs of carbs a day.
Mood has been okay actually.
[B]Really[/B] not handling alcohol well atm.
Not losing any inches, but because of the working out I'm definitely building muscle, which is something at least. I never knew losing weight was so hard! It always just fell off when I starved myself :rolleyes: I'm trying to be patient, and hoping the exercise will help eventually.
I actually wrote a huge post on Friday about all the fucked up things that have happened to me sexually, and then I decided it was waaaay tmi and deleted it. But it was really therapeutic to write everything down. If I still feel like I'm HITTing a brick wall in a few weeks I might write it again, because it would probably be helpful, but right now I'll just keep going the way I'm going.
Anyway, I went on a date last night! It was the first date I've been on since January. The guy was someone I met on OKCupid: a Chilean guy. He was actually lovely, we had a little smooch at the end. Tonight I'm going on another date... with this yoga guy from a few weeks ago! But I'm not holding my breath: his inability to reply to text messages less than 24 hours after the fact is kind of a turn off.
I'm kind of negative about dating, in case you couldn't tell :p
Pretty dress, or edgy and cool? :p
Funny how writing things out and looking at them more "objectively" brings so much clarity. And look atchoo! Gettin back in the game! I hope Yoga guy isn't a flake. Do you think you'll go out again with the Chilean guy?
Thank you for asking! I've been having a great time - lots of perspective changes which I hope to sustain when I get back to WA but have little hope for ;) sure I'll write about it eventually. Tbh I think taking a complete break from the forum was therapeutic.
Pretty dress! (But I always like pretty dresses so I'm biased. :o )
Interesting story about the Austrian guy. It's very interesting how we meet certain people again after a long time apart and we realize they are not exactly who we thought they were. They seem much different all of a sudden.
Do write the tmi post again if and when you feel up to it :)
Have fun date tonite. I vote cool and edgy.
I've gone for a combo ;)
Honestly, does the skirt look too small?! I barely managed to pull it on... I still have time to change :p
Funny asking my internet friends for clothing advice - LOL. The alternative is ask my alcoholic housemate...
It looks fine to me. Does it feel comfortable on?
Doesn't look too small to me. I would say wear what makes you feel the most confident.