Got home from work, and no babies on the ground, so thank god. I can still feel her ligaments today which is very comforting. I bolstered the barn a little more today. Locked everyone in so they don't get any bright ideas about playing out in the damn blizzard I am still waiting to come. I read 5-8 inches for tonight. I was able to get someone to switch hours with me tomorrow. I was supposed to go in at four, but now I don't have to be there until six. Not a lot of difference, but at least it'll be a little daylight. Hell, depending on how the wind blows, I may not make it at all, which they are prepared for. Living on a gravel road sucks. They usually don't plow it for two days after a storm like this.
On my way home I saw they were spraying road conditioner down in hopes of beating a bad snow build up. Maybe if I can make it to the hard surface I'll be ok. The last storm we had about a month ago, I got run off the road in white out conditions. Kid couldn't see where he was going and was on MY side of the road. I attempted to pull over in the ditch but I didn't make it. He saw me at the last second, cranked his wheel, sending him into a tailspin (truck.) his backend hit me right behind the driver side door and sent me spinning into the OTHER ditch. Only the cars were hurt, fortunately.
[QUOTE=Ayla2010;1095844]Yeah but once that stuff is [U]in[B]grain[/B]ed [/U]in you it is extremely hard to change.
Interesting word choice.
Well, that blizzard was as bad as they said it would be. A solid foot of snow across the barn yard and 4-5ft drifts beside and behind the car, in front of the barn door and along the chicken house, thoroughly snowing them in.
Yesterday and today are non hungry days. Food is uninteresting, which is an strange while on my period. I am still holding on to four pounds of water weight, which is annoying. My face seems to have de-puffed over the night though, which is nice. It is weird thinking I have only been doing this for 22 days. It so feels like I am still in the learning stages, experimentation stages and trial and error. In my conscious state, I want, and am determined to do this the rest of my life. However, the "dieter" part of me is thinking about when it's going to be over. Weird, right?
Usually once a day I have a fleeting thought of having a binge for the hell of it. For that second in time I think about my old favorites. Pringles, chips in general, brownies, and fried anything. Usually these seconds happen when my mother is having her own binge on one of those things. Oddly enough, it goes away in less than a minute and I'm finally. I never actually entertain the idea. I never want to go back there. I made mention in another thread, that even though the weight loss is painstakingly slow, I don't care if it takes two years. My lifestyle no longer supports my weight. There is no way it can stick around permanently. Sometimes I see other folks commenting on how this doesn't work to lose weight, and I think... well, how much are you eating, exactly? There is no way my method is supportive of weight gain or maintaining weight. I just can't eat enough.
Maybe this is just me rationalizing, but I just don't see how I CAN'T lose weight like this, not matter how slow. I am right on the cusp of saying this starvation mode business is a bunch of bunk. That part of CW sticks with me like a bad cold. But, I just don't see how it could be possible dagnabbit. I've got 100 pounds of fat for it to munch on, so why doesn't it get on it?
You will lose weight! Keep at it :) Good on you for not caving to the binge, that is awesome.
Yes it can be slow for some of us, but then things start to happen, I think they finally are for me, and I know you will be there soon :)
WOW! I guess those last two pounds of water weight came right out of my thighs. I put on the jeans I wore just yesterday. They are loose at my waist, but still a little too tight in the thigh area for my comfort level. I put them on this morning and the slight uncomfortable tightness is GONE. Now they are annoyingly loose at my waist and comfortable at might thighs. That has always been my problem. I have an incredibly small waist in comparison to my hips. I'm talking a 20 inch difference. So I've always struggled to find a pair of GOOD fitting jeans. Or pants in general. I almost always go up a size to fit my thighs. I am hoping that is one thing that will normalize, or just get easier as my weight goes down.
Ya know, I've been sitting here thinking about when I was 100 pounds lighter. That was back in highschool. I wore a size 16 jeans at 200 pounds. I never have fussed too much about my pants size in comparison to other girls who weigh the same etc, because I am 6 feet tall with a large frame. It's always going to be different for me. CW says I should weigh between 150-169 pounds. I think to myself... what size would I be in? When I was in highschool, I did a big diet. It brought me down from 240 to 200 in my sophamore year. I always wanted to lose that last twenty pounds to get to 180. I was comfortable in my 16's. Would twenty less pounds put me in a 14? A 12?
Ideally, I want to be a size 12. For no other reason than size 12 puts me in normal people stores and out of the plus size stores and sections. So, I guess that's it. That's my end goal. It's not a weight. It's a size. This is an Ah ha moment.
I'm throughly enjoying your journal so far. Like you, I just started down this path (like one week ago), and I'm learning as I'm going.
I just wanted to comment real quick on your pants size. I'm 5'11 with a large frame, but my highest weight was 165. I've ranged from 145-155 lbs in the past ten years. When I'm around 155, I feel most comfortable in a size 8. When I'm at 145, I wear a size 4 or size 6, depending on the brand.
Brand is also something to consider. I've noticed a size 6 at one store may fit the same as a size 8 at another store. I prefer Gap jeans, and they seem to be more "vanity" sized than other places. So a 4 there may actually be truer to a 6.
In any event, the size is just a number after all. If you're comfortable in the pants, and more importantly in your own skin, the size doesn't matter as much as you being healthy, strong, and confident. :)
(I should also add, when I'm wearing the 4s, even at 145 or a couple lbs lighter, they are tight. In fact, most of my jeans run a little tight. I just prefer them that. Not skin tight, but definitely not baggy).
Hey, thanks for your comments! When I was 200 pounds and in a 16, I was a flubby 200 pounds. I worked out, walked, but didn't give it enough time to tone up. I wonder what a muscled not flubby 180 would look like? I feel a certain amount of determination to do this just so I KNOW what it will look like. What it will feel like to be a normal weight.
I need to have a goal of some sort to keep me focused. I know from experience that goals will usually change before it's all overwith, but I need something to see ahead of me, to reach for. In reality, I guess I don't really care what size it is, as long as there are no fat deposits hanging off of me anymore.
You are an inspiration! You are so full of love and compassion and energy. I know you will succeed. Don't get on the scale. Throw it out if need be. Focus on how you feel. Your energy, your mood, your body, your mind and your soul. That is where the real work is being done.
I love the pictures. Each brought a smile to my face, thank you!
Muscle tone definitely makes a difference in how my jeans fit. Like you, I tend towards heavier thighs, and my ass is large in proportion to the rest of me. When I'm a fit 150, I feel much more comfortable in the 6s compared to when I'm a flabby 150. Right now, I'm a flabby 150. :) My goal, in addition to eating better, is to change my body comp from flab to toned.
And I think a lower pants size is a great goal! When I weigh more than I like, getting back into my smaller jeans is always a motivator.
Glad you stopped by Firemanswife. Currently, I have crispy carnitas and my first shot a oopsie rolls in the ovens. I need to revitalize my cooking. Som and I used to cook something new every weekend. That has fallen to the way side since I started primal. Back to it this weekend! No reason to NOT cook just because I changed things up!
Peace and Love to you,