12:45pm-romaine salad with chicken, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, some broccoli salad
6:15pm- 3 hb eggs
8pm- Chipotle salad with double meat (carnitas and steak), fajita veggies, tomato and green salsa, 2 bags romaine salad mix
coffee, seltzer, water, herbal tea, lots of gum (though less than yesterday!), 2 liter of diet root beer
11:30am- 1 can tuna (water packed) with spicy mustard and some jalapenos.
I'm heading home today to help out my sick relatives. I have a food plan, and all the resources and tools to make good choices, so we'll see how this goes. I'll be the one doing all the cooking and food shopping, and my aunt is genuinely interested in paleo.
So I [I]literally[/I] have no excuse to binge! Here's hoping that helps to stop me....
I'll edit to add what I actually ate. Say prayers, [B]please[/B].
Saturday night I went off the rails, and Sunday was awful. I binged/purged all day long. I just have to get a handle on my weekends. Perhaps a fast is the answer.
12:45- romaine salad dressed in red wine vinegar and olive oil, grilled chicken, jalapeno peppers
6:30pm- 3 eggs, scrambled in some ghee
7pm- skin from 3 roasted chicken breasts, tender bits as I picked the meat from the bone.
I drank seltzer, herbal tea, and water.
I go see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I am going to see if I can switch from an antidepressant to an amphetamine salt. I need something to help me stop obsessing about food.
12:45pm- roast chicken, roasted curried cauliflower
7:30pm- roast chicken, roasted cauliflower and broccoli
coffee, seltzer, 1 cup herbal tea, water
I have no idea how many calories I should be eating to lose weight and fuel exercise. Physical hunger is no longer a reliable indicator of anything, give my disordered behavior. I've considered seeing a nutritionist, but I don't want to have to suffer through any whole grains/dairy/fruit guidelines bullshit. I'll google myself a primal doc.
12:45pm- roast chicken with curried cauliflower, roast broccoli, and sauteed zucchini
6:45- roast chicken with curried cauliflower and roast broccoli
coffee, seltzer, tea, water
I had an awful doctor's appointment today. He seemed to think that because I balance my binging with purging, I just need to "try harder". Unbelievable. I'm just glad that I have an appointment at the end of the month with a different doc. I just have to make it till then.
12:45pm- pork chop, roasted fennel, zucchini and red pepper stir fry
5:30pm-pork chop, roasted fennel, zucchini and red pepper stir fry
6pm- plate of roasted broccoli with mustard
coffee, seltzer, some tea
I think I am going to quit therapy tomorrow. It's proven pretty useless; I'm concerned with being rude, and I bite my tongue more often then not. I know what I'm doing now isn't working, and I have all the tools to make a change, but I just don't know what to do instead. A huge part of me really craves and loves binging. I just wish I could snip out that part of my brain.
Another weekend is approaching and I'm worried. I planned so much last week, and I cracked pretty quickly. Not sure how to approach this Sat/Sun.
12:45pm- large romaine salad with grilled chicken, banana peppers, some broccoli salad, a few green peppers
6pm- 1 pack turkey breast
6:30- 3/4 of a rotisserie chicken
I hate feeling so defeated. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I'm already dreading this coming weekend. I think I'll fast or juice or something.
12:45pm- Roast chicken breast, haricots verts
5pm-haricots verts with some mustard
7:30pm-sauteed kale stems with some garlic and hot sauce, 1 pack tuna, large plate roasted cauliflower/broccoli, some bites of pork ribs while I packed my lunches
Fired my therapist and started a new type of antidepressant. I have planned/packed my meals and activities through the weekend. I've planned a fast of sorts from lunch on Saturday through the same time on Sunday. I feel like if I can just get through ONE weekend clean, it will break this pattern and set me back on the path for success. I just have to break this habit, because this habit of binging is making me miserable.
12:45pm- about 6oz pork ribs, Brussels sprouts
6:45pm- about 6oz pork ribs, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, 1 T Dijon mustard
coffee, seltzer, 1 cup herbal tea
I've decided to freeze my credit cards and ID in a brick of ice over the weekend to keep from binging. I'm making a list of activities I can do that have nothing to do with food, and I've picked out a class to attend at my gym on Saturday and Sunday.
I need a clean weekend.
11am- 2 hard boiled eggs
12:45pm-about 6 oz pork, Brussels sprouts
6:15pm- lunch-sized portion of chicken fajitas, guac, shredded iceberg, some tomato
8:45pm- 1 bag of haricots verts
I'm feeling down on myself today. I couldn't help but watch my body in the mirror at the gym, and it was disheartening to think of where I've fallen from. I went from being thrilled with my body and fitness level to being appalled by the new lumps and bumps of the resettled weight. I just need to focus on making the steps forward, on treating myself well, and one day I'll look in the mirror and be pleasantly surprised.