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[QUOTE=MamaGrok;857964]Gravy, the good news is, I think that most of us are so far from the neglect that you experienced that it has never occurred to us that we should state both ways to be wrong ... b/c it's just not in our radar.
I'm sorry, so sorry, for the neglect you and any other child has received. Both neglect and overprotectiveness harm a child in their own ways. I think I can safely say that all of the words you've read here on this subject in the last day or two fall in this category:
[Quote=GravyBoat]I know that probably seems obvious to all of you, and you probably feel that your love and concern for your children is so blindingly obvious that you wouldn't even think to mention it as an aside. [/quote]
I send my children out, but I keep a window open and know where they are, and if they aren't where I expect them, I find them (that almost never happens, b/c they know to tell me if they're going somewhere else). I never pick up and cuddle a child who falls and isn't hurt, but give them a quick hug if they look like they need it, a kiss on the boo-boo, and an "away you go," so long as that's appropriate. I patch a wound that needs patching, and not those that don't. I tell them and show them many times a day that I love them and that they make my life worth living, and I would never want a life that they weren't an integral part of.
I hope you feel some reassurance here that neglect is not being advocated AT ALL by anyone, anymore than smothering ScratchGuard parenting (that so often leads to teenagers taking dangerous chances) is. Thank you for the reminder that there are usually two ways to go wrong - one extreme or the other.[/QUOTE]
Quoted for absolute truth.
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The reason mom and dad never appear in my stories about being a kid? They weren't watching us play. I was half playing and half making sure me and my siblings didn't kill ourselves. Dad was at work; Mom only pulled out of the world in her head/ soap operas if we interrupted her.
There are two sides. I am aware of this. I think MamaGrok said what should be done best, but we really didn't get that half the time. I'm honestly not sure what to think of my parents and my childhood anymore. The more I read of.... not going there, that's not a subject for this thread.
I apologize if I hurt you, gravyboat and Q and anyone else in that boat. It was truly unintentional.
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It's ok, you guys. I know that nobody here is really advocating child neglect. I was cringing the whole time I wrote my post and nearly deleted it, because I know that no one was doing or saying anything malicious. I just felt I should say something, because it was really triggering some of those old feelings I've fought so hard against, and I know I'm not the only one who has lived through that stuff, so it could have been triggering others too.
Thanks for not ganging up on me for being a spoilsport like I was expecting. I really didn't want to ruin anyone's fun or put a huge sadface damper on the discussion, I just wanted to use it as a teaching moment, if possible. So thanks for listening. You're all ok with me.
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[QUOTE=quelsen;857992]
while i certainly expect my forum crushes to object... my jury is still out of who was right, mom or dad.[/QUOTE]
Object! Object!
(this is my bumper sticker, btw... [url=http://www.lifecyclebooks.com/usa/products/Sticker-%252d-I'm-Glad-You-Were-Born.html]Sticker - I'm Glad You Were Born - Life Cycle Books USA[/url])
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Talking to my co-worker about working out and such:
Co-worker: I'm hungry!
Me: Hav eyou had your lunch break yet?
Co-worker: No, I don't have food with me today.
Me: Well did you eat breakfast?
Co-worker: Er...no. I had a cookie!
Me: Well that probably isn't going to help
-keep chatting, he mentions he's doing no-carb, eating lean meats & veggies, I keep my mouth shut, but then he says he has EGG WHITES for breakfast usually-
Me: What?! No, eat the whole thing! You're missing out on the protein!
Co-worker: I don't want all that cholesterol.
Me: But dietary cholesterol has very little impact what's measured in your body. It mostly just comes right out and your body makes the rest.
Co-worker:...Well I don't like c-word foods then. Except for chicken. And carrots.
I don't understand why people will keep defending their way of eating instead of conceding with something like, "Oh, I didn't know that!" I've also shared some links with him before about cholesterol/paleo eating etc. but I guess he doesn't read them :( I give up!
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[QUOTE=naiadknight;858087]The reason mom and dad never appear in my stories about being a kid? They weren't watching us play. I was half playing and half making sure me and my siblings didn't kill ourselves. Dad was at work; Mom only pulled out of the world in her head/ soap operas if we interrupted her.
There are two sides. I am aware of this. I think MamaGrok said what should be done best, but we really didn't get that half the time. I'm honestly not sure what to think of my parents and my childhood anymore. The more I read of.... not going there, that's not a subject for this thread.
I apologize if I hurt you, gravyboat and Q and anyone else in that boat. It was truly unintentional.[/QUOTE]
"I'm honestly not sure what to think of my parents and my childhood anymore." - The Cake is a LIE!!!!
:-) i was not hurt, i was only attempting to communicate that love makes a world of difference in how life is perceived.
I think i stop believing in the fairy tale of my parents when my father admitted he was not African American...... omgwtfbbq?
What is REAL?
How do you define REAL?
If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.
sadly it is too true.... I highly recommend those who have had less happy and more sad to simply rewrite the story, after all that is a privilege of the victors. and if you are reading this as an adult trust me you are victorious
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A couple young'uns wanted to work in on my set of squats yesterday. It was prime time, and there's only one squat rack, so I was nice. The first one was at least 20# bigger than I am, was working with 90# less, and getting half as deep at best. When his friend suggested he increase the weight, he said he hadn't worked out in 2 months and didn't want to be too sore. He later mentioned that he was all set for getting back into working out (I doubt he ever seriously worked out. Just from looking at him/watching his form) because he had 2 hot dogs and canned baked beans for lunch, and beans have so much nutrition in them.
Not that funny/great a story, but if it gets the thread back on track, I'll gladly foist it upon you all.
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[QUOTE=Gravyboat;858104]It's ok, you guys. I know that nobody here is really advocating child neglect. I was cringing the whole time I wrote my post and nearly deleted it, because I know that no one was doing or saying anything malicious.[/QUOTE]
I appreciate your saying something. Honestly, the responses to what was obviously an over-the-top example made me cringe. There is nothing wrong with loving your child and wanting a better life for them. I'm hoping me and Mr. Onalark don't fall into either side of the trap (over-responsive versus under-responsive). In the end, though, we're only human, and will only want the best for our spawn.
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I dont normally go for these but were i work they occasionally bring in box lunches for presentations. sandwich fruit cup salad cookie brownie chips and a pickle.
so i grabbed a roast beef and proceeded to remove the bread and fold it over and eat it and the pickle. i gave my partner in crime the remains and went back leading the presentation.
My boss gave me the "you so silly" eye and proceeded to nosh on everything in her box.
fast forward 30 minutes, everyone is comatose but me and they are asking me why i am so damned ready to go....
now while i dont advertise someone everyone knows i dont eat bread, or sugar, so how could they miss such an obvious correlation even if they do not want to attribute causation?? .
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Graveyboat, quelson and anyone else out there who has been brought up with indifference or out right reject -I feel for ya! I have seen in my own family (not me, but nieces and nephews in another state) how neglect can really screw up an other wise wonderful child. Head injuries (untreated) as a young child has left one of my nieces with epilepsy (and my brother just thinks it was luck of the draw). They have lost many friendships as people just could not stand to see how a new baby was brought home and after the "new smell" wore off, was left to the older, resentful sibling to raise. Fast food (OK, not the best, but it was a meal) was brought home for some, but not all were allowed to partake. Children's protective services were called by neighbors many times, but there was never enough to interfere. When a situation is neglectful but not out right criminal, there is only so much and outsider can do to intervene (sp?) other than let a child know that they have your ear and maybe send a special something every now and then. For all of you who felt less than loved as a child, know that the world is a better place with your voice in it!
