Vent for a Crappy Past Few Days
I've had a really shitty past several days. It started Saturday evening and is still going strong. I realize that the only vaguely Primal thing in this post is a desperate desire for sugar and stress release, but I need to get it out.
Saturday evening I get a series of text messages from my mother. Woman still hasn't figured out that you don't pass on horrible news in a method of 160 characters or less. My uncle, who smokes likes a freight train and drinks like a fish, had a massivr stroke. He's in ICU. His entire left side isn't responding. This is the exact same thing that happened to his father at approximately the same age for the exact same reason. My grandfather smoked and drank himself to death via heart attacks and strokes. My uncle(s) ae doing the same thing, but one is trying to quit. The other is in ICU. Because he lived alone, he'll have to move in with someone until he gets his left side functioning again. My mother's family (this is her brother) is not close knit. I can count the relatives I've met on two hands. my other uncle has a ~2 yo son. It will fall to my mother to clean up the mess my uncle got himself into. Add that new member to an already stuffed and stressed house (my sister graduates HS this year, my grandmother has ovarian cancer that she has beat 7 or 8 times and she can no longer live alone, 7 cats, 5 dogs, and several other family problems).
Saturday morning, I go to get a patch on one of my tires for a slow leak. It just barely breaks the rules for a patch, so I've to get a whole new tire to replace one not even a year old. $100 for one of the least expensive tires they had. Highway fucking robbery. Figures.
Sunday, I had too much shit to do, as always. That I'm used to.
This morning, I was foolish enough to ignore my alarm. I woke up late and rushed out the door, already late to work. Not 40 ft from the parking lot of my job, I get into a wreck. My brand fucking new 2010 Hematite gray Corolla is undrivable until I get the body work done because some bitch sped up to make a light that wasn't going anywhere. It's not totaled, I'm not hurt, I have a lot to be thankful for, but the fact remains that I haven't even owned this car a YEAR! I'm irate. And to rub salt in the wound, the fucknig cops write me a ticket for "failure to yield ROW." So I have to show up to court because the cops just had to get their authority on when even DPS and the Smokies wouldn't write a ticket, figuring you were boned enough through the insurance. I'm kicking myself for ignoring that alarm.
My depression is trying to come back full force because we've had a (West TX) uncharacteristic weather incident: 2 full weeks of clouds and rain. I know it's a lack of Vit D, and so I just take a supplement, but the supplement doesn't work anywhere near as well as the sun. I'm starting to hear those suicidal thoughts again, and it scares me.
Add to that the stress of trying to simultaneously get two sets of plans out the door at work and trying not to rip the head off a mooching bitch of an aunt of my husband's that's taking advantage of his folks and feeling some of that old self hate come back, it hurts. I'm stressing, which I know isn't good. I've got so many emotions running through me right now that I can't pull them apart. I think I'm also still some what in shock from the wreck. I just... I just... Fuck, I dunno. It just feels like the universe seriously slipped me several fuck you red cards over the past few days..