Starting Over; for all those who have suffered from binging
Hello all. I just want to start by saying that I thank God for all He has done for me, and I know I have gone through all of this for a reason, I trust in Him and know he will bring me through this.
This may be somewhat of a long story, but I wanted to start this journal as a kind of "fresh start". Also, I thought others might find it helpful in their journey. To begin, I'll start by saying that I started Primal Blueprint almost a year and a half ago. I'll also add that I am a 20 year old male, about 160 lbs, 5'8". In that year and a half, a lot has happened for me, not only for my weight, but for my relationship with food. The reason I started PB is because I wanted to lose those last few vanity pounds. I wasn't overweight, but I was skinny fat. I was somewhat new to 'dieting', and was previously counting calories. I began to wonder why some people could eat as much as they wanted, and be super skinny and/or lean. My curiosity lead to a google search, which lead to MDA, which lead to me discovering much more than I ever knew about food and health.
I immediately bought the PB book, with hopes that I could eat as much as I wanted and lose those last few pounds. I started around 160 lbs, and in the first week of starting PB I lost about 10 lbs. I was extremely happy with these results. I was eating food I loved, not counting calories, and losing weight like mad. (little did I know that half or more of that weight was probably water weight). Then came the weekend trip to the beach. I figured, "Hey, if I can lose weight this easily, I can afford to splurge this weekend and eat whatever I want, right?" So I PIGGED OUT, especially on sweets. I believe this was my first ever BINGE. So at the end of the trip, I began PB again, with a little bit of trouble giving up the sweets again. But after that little resistance, I was good to go. I dropped down to 140 lbs so quick, I can't remember how fast it happened. All I know is that it was pretty fast.
So here I am at 140 lbs, starting to get cold extremely easily, and getting really tired. I had no idea that I was eating way too little and probably not eating enough carbs for my activity level. From here on out I continued to go through the DIET/BINGE cycle for up until now. I would do really good for a while, and then binge for a day (part of them time justifying these binges as "carb refeeds".) And then a day turned into two, and now a week. A couple weeks ago, I totally gave up on PB. I decided that it was too stressful for my life. I couldn't handle it, I would just go back to counting calories.
I started eating "normal" (aka SAD) food again, just counting calories. I did really good for the first week. I lost a little bit of weight, despite my high carb intake, with lowered calories. And then the binges started again. I began to realize that I had a problem. I also began to realize that SAD food was one of the triggers for these binges. The other trigger was "dieting". I began to feel deprived, whether eating PB or just calorie restricting, and that would trigger a binge. I began eating to the point of being sick, literally. So now, here I am, back at 160 lbs, feeling like crap from eating crap.
I also realized that consistent low carb is not for me, it is a binge trigger. I'm not saying low carb doesn't work, and I'm not saying I won't ever utilize it, I'm just saying that I won't ever be able to live off of it, especially considering how active I am. I think I could sustain it for a few days, but no longer.
I've learned from my experience (as well as research) that sugar can cause binges in people who are prone to binging. I've also learned that it can be caused by stress, and food obsession. There are different triggers for different people, but these are mine.
Now, after all of this, I am back to wanting to start PB. But, this time, it will not be a 'diet'. This time it does not HAVE to be low carb (depriving myself of carbs for too long seems to lower my metabolism, start depression, cause cravings, and increase chances for binging). And I will not do anything that will give me too much stress, as stress also seems to be a binge trigger. So, if an situation presents itself in which it would just be too stressful to eat this way (such as a holiday with the family, business situations, etc.) I will not stress over eating one meal that isn't primal. I won't go seeking to eat grains and sugar (more binge triggers), but I will also not stress over one meal. I will do my best to eat in a way that will provide me with the nutrients I need, without making me stressed. And about carbs, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm going to consistently eat 400g a day. I'll probably stick to the higher limit of PB, and a higher day or two every now and then, just gonna go with what my body tells me.
So, my plan is to begin eating real food again. Whole food, plants, animals, fruit, vegetables. I'm probably not going to count calories for a while, if at all. I need to focus on my physical and mental health before I focus on my weight. I will IF every now and then, for a meal, or even for a day, depending on how I feel and the stress I know I will have to endure on that day. I will continue to lift heavy things and sprint, which I never really gave up and actually enjoy. I wanted to write this as a way to help myself, and I thought others might find some help or inspiration from my story. I may sporadically update through this journal.
I will stop obsessing about food, enjoy life, and only eat when hungry. And, every now and then, I'll stop eating for a while. And then I'll eat again when hungry. This is what PB was meant to be, enjoyable, flexible, simple.
[B]LONG STORY SHORT:[/B]
I came to PB obsessing about food, started binging, failed miserably, quit PB. Now I'm back with a vengeance, with more of a health and life aspect in mind, rather than a food and weight loss obsession. I will enjoy food, not stress about it, I will eat only when hungry, not binge, and I will enjoy life.