I actually have the exact answer to this question. This is my first post here but this struck me as something that I know a lot about.
The key to falling back in love, to loving your partner so much again, to having a wonderful sex life, better than ever, to being resilient in the face of financial setbacks and disappointments and life's problems...is...
Oxytocin that is built up naturally in both of your brains. It is often called the love hormone, or the cuddle hormone.
And a love that is built on Oxytocin is like nothing else. And so easy and paleo.
All you do is make sure to spend 30 minutes a day if you can, for three weeks, snuggling, cuddling, preferably naked. You can choose to have sex if you want but it's far better not to especially in the first few weeks. Just after waking up is great, and just before going to sleep.
When you follow this protocol you will not believe the difference it makes in your entire life. And it keeps getting better. This has made my life and others infinitely richer and there are no more arguments, nothing that is any big deal in our relationship anymore. My partner is always incredibly attractive to me and sex is never boring.
I really want to post something wise and helpful here, but I just can't. I can say that a real marriage isn't like some romance novel or reality show. It's down and get your hands dirty at times. It's through good times and bad, rich and poor, sickness and health~ wait, where have I heard those words before? :confused: It's a journey you choose to take together. Thick and thin~ waistline and credit line. It isn't easy sometimes, and it's all that matters at others. It's someone you trust to have your back and to hold your heart.
People today seem to put so much faith in being 'in love' and then talk about physical desire. That's not being 'in love', that's being 'in lust'. Love is about caring, sharing, facing challenges and triumphs together. Is it 'work'? Only if you don't want to be there in the first place, Is it easy? On some days, as natural as breathing, on others like a charlie horse, you know it will pass but it hurts like hell right now.
People sometimes ask me how we did it~ I say *stubborn & stupid* one or both of us just wasn't ready to quit, for whichever reason. Or maybe we just can't imagine living without each other. ;)
And for the record, we will celebrate our 45th, anniversary on Dec. 30.
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and advice.
We had let ourselves get into a negative feedback loop after years of stress, this year in particular has been more difficult than most, and we are now working hard to reverse that - with some success. We are talking and touching and laughing together. It's a start. Therapy, for each of us, starts in the New Year.
Thank you again for your kindness and thoughtful responses. Even when I didn't agree, I read every word carefully and tried to see the situation from that perspective.
[QUOTE=Knifegill;1026771]No such thing as "in love". Love is work. If you aren't working on it, it dies. The lustful passion of a new sexual partner is just for spawning purposes. [/quote]
One of the biggest lies that our culture tells us is that being 'in love' or infatuated with someone is the real article. It's not.
Deciding to be loving is a conscious act that requires effort.
[quote]A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce."[/quote]
Edit: One more thing - Have you heard of the idea of [URL="http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/12/29/which-love-language-suits-you-and-your-partner/"]love languages[/URL]? We can only know our own perspective and sometimes it's easy to think that the other person shares our mental maps when really they don't. Probably saved my parents marriage.
A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce."
LOL MM - brilliant !!!!
[QUOTE=NZ primal Gwamma;1034537]A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce."
LOL MM - brilliant !!!![/QUOTE]
+1 hilarious and true
For what it's worth, here's my story: I divorced my husband even though there were no "real" problems and 10 years later it is still a great decision. Sure, it would have been fine but I wanted more. Mind you, I felt an incredible amount of guilt and caught flack from my family. I wanted some sort of attraction and similar dreams but it wasn't there no matter how hard I tried, counselors visited, etc. I've been with my now husband for 9 years and we are absolutely in love. It certainly hasn't been easy but we've grown in the same direction and I am still incredibly attracted to him. My ex was a great assistant; my husband is a great partner.