Woke up at 3:30 am which is not unusual... an hour before necessary on the weekday and waaaaaaaay more early than necessary on the weekend. SORE! Mostly from the workout, not the skating, given tricep soreness. Some of it is from skating though. Hoping my knee doesn't ache later from the fall.
Decided to 'treat' myself with the last K-cup of Chai Latte. It has milk and soy in it. It's the last one we have and sooo good. Savoring every sip.
Thinking to visit my mom today. I'll give her a call after breakfast to see if she'll be home. Might even get her to drag out her Christmas decorations and decorate. Doing so was always a tradition on my birthday while growing up; she wanted me to come over and continue it when I was younger but I always balked at it. Funny how traditions become more important as you age.
Ooh, Chai Lattes were my downfall. I am almost savoring yours vicariously. Enjoy the weekend, Zee. ;)
[QUOTE=Grokalicious;1020391]Ooh, Chai Lattes were my downfall. I am almost savoring yours vicariously. Enjoy the weekend, Zee. ;)[/QUOTE]
I will! Hope you do too.
So I am working my way through the book, and reading more this morning it became quite clear that my choices this week ... Well, I knew they weren't "approved" but I made them anyway. Going to stop that. I do not plan on starting over... Maybe some will think I should but I'm not. I am recommitting myself to the plan as outlined which means no more "treating myself" with dairy or sugar products. No matter how small an amount it may be, it is not insignificant and I am in this for the full effect possible.
Back to basics.
I feel guilty.
Whole30 allows no dairy except clarified butter or ghee, no soy, and no sugar in any form. I had Chai Latte yesterday. I mentioned this already and had planned on just continuing on... not starting over. It was a one-time treat and I was okay with that. Yesterday afternoon I was browsing through ISWF and read the part about not cheating. Well... darn.
I also have to admit that I used unclarified butter at least once, if not twice. Most of the time I've used coconut or olive oil, but at the very beginning I used butter. Not grass-fed either.
Earlier this week I made pumpkin pudding with agave syrup. Duh. I didn't feel guilty for that, figured it was such a small amount, it would be okay. But it is [B]not[/B] okay.
And THEN, I made chicken curry for lunch yesterday. Oh so good. I've never made it before and absolutely LOVED it. I didn't check the label for the fish sauce I had in my fridge. It's fish sauce! Why would that have... oh, look. It has [I]fructose[/I].
So now I cannot continue to claim that I'm in the middle of a Whole30. I have to start over. But I do not want to be in the middle of a Whole30 for Christmas. Or New Years. I want to be able to treat myself a little... have those Christmas desserts that I enjoy... a drink or two. I wanted to be "done" with my Whole30 before Christmas, when my younger son is home on Block Leave and his best friend is here (also a Soldier). So we could go out and celebrate, or make dinners together without any restrictions.
And! Today's my birthday. I was most definitely okay with not having cake for my birthday. It's not something I enjoy all that much anyway... the cake was more for the kids (and they're grown and not here this year). I also didn't mind that I'd not be able to have a drink in order to remain compliant. But since I'm not compliant as it is I'm kind of thinking, what's the point? Go ahead and have it. I don't want it though... I mean, a glass of wine might sound good tonight but it's not normally something I would indulge in at 5:30 AM anyway. :p
Okay. So I screwed up the Whole30. Not just once or twice, but at least 3 times - intentionally eating things that I [I]knew[/I] weren't allowed. I'm not starting over though. Not because I am planning on "cheating" but right now it feels like if I were to do that, I'd be setting myself up for failure. And for feeling guilty when that happens. I feel freaking guilty for having curry made with fish sauce that has fructose in it?!! For using unclarified butter?!! For a single. Chai Latte. That's not healthy for me. I do not want to force myself into some artificial "diet" that means I actually feel GUILTY if I don't follow it. That's... that's just not right.
I plan to enjoy my chicken curry for lunch today. Fructose be damned.
I'm not really sure what that means for my "diet" now. By the way, I put "diet" in quotes because it's not a traditional diet.... about losing weight or whatever. It is just the word I use for "what I'm going to eat". Anyway... maybe I'll actually buy the Primal Blueprint, or one of the Paleo books and follow one of those plans. No grains makes sense to me. Dairy... well... I like butter. I've got to try the Kerrygold... maybe I'll clarify it first.
B: Chai Latte. 2 eggs with 5 sausage links.
L: Thai chicken curry. Green tea.
D: Pinwheel steak w/bacon. Steamed broccoli. Green tea. 2 Medjool dates.
I still feel guilty... eh, maybe it's more disappointment. :( Blah.
I say, so what! Guilt be damned. Eat what works for you in the context of your life and the holiday season. Eat and enjoy, sip and savour!
Not to mention your birthday. Happy birthday! Here's to an amazing year ahead.
Thanks. I did enjoy my birthday. Oldest son and two of my brothers called. One friend sent a text, another posted on Facebook (which prompted a few others to post as well... my birthday isn't shared on there).
[I]Family drama (in case you want to skip):[/I]
I called my mom Saturday morning because I wanted to come up to see her. She was thinking to maybe have lunch with me Sunday but wasn't sure what their plans were Saturday, so would have to let me know after Dad got up. Saturday [U]night[/U], I saw an email she had sent that morning saying they would be home all afternoon. I replied and let her know I didn't see the email until then or I would have come up. Cue disappointment.
Then I waited for a reply email (checked multiple times during the day just in case) or phone call on Sunday. She sent me a message on Facebook at 10pm... after I had gone to bed, saying they're sorry we couldn't make it up for lunch - must have done something special w/my husband.
Thanks for letting me know, Mom. Any other time we plan to visit, she calls in the AM to see what time we're going to be there. So what gives?? I'm just not sure how to respond now. I'm hurt and disappointed, but don't want to make [I]her[/I] sad... :(
[I]End of drama[/I]
Anyway. I clarified butter in the morning, then used a bit to cook 3 eggs. Ate those with roasted sweet potatoes. Red Robin for lunch: bunless burger, sweet potato fries... drink and dessert. Curry for dinner. Some of the chocolates my in-laws got me for my birthday.
Did the detox bath that has been mentioned in a few other journals. I don't usually enjoy baths but the soak was nice. I just listed to music by candlelight.
[QUOTE=Zee;1021436] By the way, I put "diet" in quotes because it's not a traditional diet.... about losing weight or whatever. It is just the word I use for "what I'm going to eat". [/QUOTE]
It's not just your word for what diet means, it's the dictionary's. Diet literally means "what you eat." I don't know enough about sociological history to know just how/when people came to understand it as "temporarily changing the way I eat to lose weight." And I try to not get worked up about it, but it's actually a bit of a tooth grinder for me when people say stuff like "I'M NOT ON A DIET!!!! IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!!" or "DIETS ARE BAD!!!" Maybe it's because my mother's a dietitian? /endrant
Anyway, maybe you could start over again after New Year's? I feel like a bit of a wimp for being unwilling to start my Whole30 during the holidays, but like you said, I'd just be setting myself up for failure. So I'm eating primal most days and enjoying a treat when one presents itself. It's better than nothing, I figure.
Eating primal most days seems to be rather in line with the 80/20 idea, which is perfectly acceptable. Whole30 is an all or nothing plan, but primal doesn't seem to be as strict. It's life.
Thanks for the vocabulary lesson. :-)
Just poking my head in to say 'hi'.
And...my Mongolian place will let you bring your own oils and sauces. Something to consider...Happy Birthday!...just do a Part 30. You're already feeling better, right? That's the most important. And talk about artificial- I've always felt the '30' part was completely anti-thetical to the concept. They should make it a moon-cycle! :)
Hi Sabine! *waves*
I didn't even think about bringing in my own sauces. There's quite a variety already... will have to make a note to really see what's there and what I might want to bring of my own. Thanks for the birthday wish. :)
A Part 30? Hmm. That sounds doable!
Yesterday's meals were ... 2 hard-boiled eggs with the rest of the roasted sweet potatoes ... more curry ... 2 Trader Joe's salmon burgers with a salad. [SIZE=1]And 3 chocolates.[/SIZE]
Today's meals: curry (it's almost gone!) ... taco salad (minus the shell) at a local Mexican restaurant ... and my husband is making boneless beef ribs and steamed broccoli for dinner.
I have a headache again, which is being blamed on the excessive carbs from Sunday. Due to the headache, I'm not interested in lifting tonight (to make up for missing it at lunch). So today's a rest day. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!