My mom showed affection when needed, wasn't often, but did teach quite a few life lessons. Never said a lot of kind things, but I'm now starting to realize she loved me more than I ever gave her credit for. I'm just grateful that you are able to realize this whole your mom is still alive. Hopefully, this will bring you both closer together.
Hi, Ghost! Vilkommen!
My mother didn't fail us. She may've not've been perfect, but she was as good as she could be. One of hers is almost a professional engineer, another is a year out from graduating as an engineer, and the third is possibly finally finding her path.
Thank y'all for your comments, especially all the "Mom wasn't perfect, but she didn't do as bad as I thought" ones. I'm glad I'm not the only one who made that trek.
Lunch was Texas Spring Rolls: leftover chipotle chicken, garlic sausage, carrot strips, jalapeno strips, and cherry tomatoes wrapped up in lettuce leaves.
I got shrimp parmigiana at Mi Piaci. Shrimp covered in marina sauce then melted cheese.
Definitely cutting the nightshades out, though.
I'm glad they had something safe for you (aside from the nightshades.) I generally avoid parmigiana anything in case of fried.
Tonight was steak, grilled crab, and salad.
Lessee, yesterday... Finished up the RAS on that project, so now I'm stuck with generic grading and customer bullshit. Got to wipe 2 projects off my board, move one from inactive to active, and add another, joy of joys.
Lunch was rice noodles and chipotle chicken in egg drop soup. Yeah, I know, rice flour ain't primal. It was a good filler for what I wanted given my time constraints. I damn near caved to the leftover bean burritos before I pulled out the rice noodles.
Had a funeral to go to after that, for a woman I briefly met. Mostly went as a show of support for a buddy/ coworker (her brother's wife.) I know this sounds wrong, but I think going to a funeral for someone you never met should be a mandatory thing. Aside from the brief overview of the deceased, most are generic enough that the tears you cry are cathartic for old wounds. When you go as a show of support for a single person, you get that brief "loss of self" that you only get when you take care of someone in a spiritual way. Prayer never did that for me, I'm too hands on.
Dinner was lettuce wraps (pastrami, provolone, whole grain mustard) and two large bowls of caprese salad.
Rice noodles are a lovely benign option, IMO.
Interesting thoughts on the funeral. I haven't had the opportunity to go to many, but I think I understand what you're saying. I didn't go to the funeral for a former classmate who passed during my senior year of high school. I barely knew him and my memories of him were unpleasant ones from middle school. It's not really about the deceased though, it's about the family and friends, and what you can do for them simply by being there.
My mind is not in a safe place. Well, it's safer than it has been in the past, but that says little. I've been too lax on my diet, supplements, and walking, and the old whispers have started showing up again. I recognize them as the sign/ symptom they are, but those flashes are not my friend.
I take care of others, make sure they're ok. Why is it so hard to do it for myself? I can be your worst nightmare if you cross one I love, but stomp on me and I scurry away like a cockroach.
No. No self pity. It is a useless emotion. It does nothing helpful or productive.
I've been spiraling away, closer to danger than safety in terms of doing or not doing what I should. The further I spiral out, the harder it is to reverse momentum. I know this.
I think I'll try a trifold plan: a money stack, a threat, and a goal.
Goal: Eat purely primal, in any/ all quantities, for all meals and snacks. 90/10 allowed, but only when it's out of my hands. There is now a death sentence on wheat. At least 6000 steps a day.
Money Stack: A weekly budget is set aside to allow for a $1/ day progression, ending after 7 days, with an extra dollar per weekend day. This is blow money, with a possible total of $30 for a perfect week, to be used that week as a ransom payment to myself.
Threat: For each day with a deliberate stray from primal, not only do I not get the monetary amount set aside for that day, but it is then earmarked to be donated to a "charity" group that isn't harmful, but that I don't agree with (I'm thinking the Komen for the Cure nonprofit. I point blank refuse to support things like Westboro or gay conversion camps, even as a threat, as that is still support for a wrong cause. Komen for the Cure is a cause I support but a group I don't, making it perfect. )
Sounds like a great plan, but why don't you support Komen? Just curious. I don't know much about the organization except that they raise money for breast cancer.
Irreputable nonprofit. They claim to support breast cancer as a nonprofit, but very little (16%) of what they bring in actually goes to the research they claim to support. Charity Navigator gave them 4 stars, but if you dig deeper into their records, things don't line up. When the CEO gets a multi million dollar salary, plus hefty benefits, I have problems.
I heard the same about Komen last year. It's really sad when they are set to do so much good but don't. If I had extra money for charity, I would either give to a local hospice or the local MS Society.