for shits and giggles

THE PRICE OF A BRAIN

Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital as their family
member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The
doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

Cool. Primal Jokes.

One day Mark Sisson and a Vegan were walking together down the street.
The vegetarian constantly berated Mark for eating meat!
After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
Mark replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"
As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over.
Mark called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
He told the uninjured Sisson, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

[QUOTE=NZ primal Gwamma;1011201]5 Secrets of a perfect relationship

1. It’s important to have a woman who cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman who makes you laugh
3. It’s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It is absolutely imperative that these four woman should never meet.[/QUOTE]

much truth to this!

[QUOTE=Paleobird;1011370]A very sad looking guy walks into a bar and pulls up a stool. From out of his pocket he pulls a little toy-sized piano. From the other pocket, he pulls out a little Liliputian sized person wearing a black tux. The little guy sits down at the little piano and starts playing.

The bartender is watching all this and comes over and says, "Um....Do you mind if I ask what is going on here?"

The man sighs and says, "This is my twelve inch pianist."

The bartender says, "Your what?"

"Well, let me put it this way", says the guy. "If a genie ever grants you one wish, SPEAK CLEARLY!"[/QUOTE]

I almost had this confused with the "over-sized, one-eyed, trouser snake".

[QUOTE=NZ primal Gwamma;1011540]> A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds
> attractive can be different depending on where she is in her menstrual
> cycle.
>
> For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and
> masculine features.
>
> And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man
> doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his
temple
> and a cricket stump jammed up his arse.
>
> Further studies are expected.[/QUOTE]

funniest thing i've ever read...seriously

[QUOTE=CrazyCatLady;1011527]Back when I was in college, I worked at a large preschool. The kids came from all types of backgrounds, and sometimes we had kids asking why we weren't watching R rated or harder movies.

One day my job was to sweep and vacuum, which happened to be in front of the bathroom. As I was sweeping, I heard two little boys in the bathroom talking.

"Why are you in here?" asked one.
"I am just playing with my balls." replied the other.

I about choked, knowing that these boys were about 3-4 years old. I couldn't bear to go in, so I asked another teacher to do so.

One boy was zipping up from peeing. The other boy had two tennis balls that he was bouncing against the wall.[/QUOTE]
Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
He: Do you have a willy?
She: Yes I do.
He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.

[QUOTE=magicmerl;1012454]Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
He: Do you have a willy?
She: Yes I do.
He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.[/QUOTE]

MM that is classic.....I can so imagine that happening with a couple of four year olds !!!!!!

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
Unfortunately the wife came down with a terrible headache,
so told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
And there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went..

The wife after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened pain free.
And as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was.
She thought she would have some fun by watching her husband
to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor.

Dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

So his wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself.
He soon left his current partner high and dry, and devoted his time to
the new babe who had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a nice quickie.


Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away,
went home, put the costume away and got into bed.
She was wondering what kind of explanation he would
make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she
asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: "Oh, the same old thing.
You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

"Did you dance much?"

"You know, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there I met Pete, Bill Browning, and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned
my costume to."

lol!

these jokes are great

I never remember them so I have nothing to add except that I am loving this thread!