otzi....you have so got to watch those Kiwis. They are a dodgy bunch LOL
The term bogan is Australian and New Zealand slang, usually pejorative or self-deprecating, for an individual who is recognised to be from an unsophisticated background or someone whose limited education, speech, clothing, attitude and behaviour exemplifies a lack of manners and education. While bogan is widely recognised, localised names exist that describe the same or very similar groups of people.
[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bogan]Bogan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]
> A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds
> attractive can be different depending on where she is in her menstrual
> For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and
> masculine features.
> And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man
> doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his
> and a cricket stump jammed up his arse.
> Further studies are expected.
[QUOTE=Lewis;1011144]We went to the marriage guidance counsellor. The suggestion was to spice things up with some fantasy. When we got home, my wife said: "Right, I'm an Ancient Roman noble lady and you're my slave." She made me clean the house from top to bottom.[/QUOTE]
not surprised you're a sub...
A highway patrolman chases a car with his blue lights on. The car speeds up and then finally pulls over. The officer explains that it's the end of his shift and he doesn't want to do the paperwork....if the guy has a good reason for speeding he will let him go. The guy explains that his exwife ran off with a highway patrolman and that he thought that it was him trying to bring her back.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies.
'You actually understood and answered me. !'
'I got every word,' says the parrot.
'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy.
'You really can understand, and can speak English.'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.
I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the Postman.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.
'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.
'THEN what happened?'
'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
‘Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'
Absolute classic !!!!!! well done !!!!
The Big Flood
It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.
Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?"
God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
An Iraqi War Vet (and Primal Blueprint'er) was eating at his parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. He piled his plate high with turkey, ham, and celery sticks, but passed on all the high-carb treats, carefully avoiding scrutiny by his SAD family.
All of a sudden, an elephant trunk (with a Grok tattoo) appears from the young man's lap, feels around the table, grabs a POTATO and dissapears. Everyone gasps. What the hell was that? Screams Mom. Oh My GOD! Screams Aunt Sally.
Please let me explain, says the chap. When I was in Iraq, a roadside bomb blew up in front of me and took out my wedding tackle. They used a new, experimental surgery and replaced my member with an elephants trunk, and it sometimes has a mind of it's own.
"Kewl!" says cousin Nancy. Well let's see you do that again.
The Primal young man says, "The Potato Diet may be perfectly primal and all, but I don't think I could fit another spud in my butt at the moment."