Thanks, I just have been needing to let it out. I may end up visiting with my therapist for a check-in. I have to be honest, I really don't want to do the work. I am tired of the work. I also know that I will want to do the work again soon. I just have to make it through this period of whine. lol
Yeah, I get that :). Nothing wrong with a good whine now and then! We just have to remember it doesn't really do anything haha.
I get you. I have been on the same weight roller coaster the last year. Honestly, I'm worried that if the W30 doesn't deliver miracles, I will want to say F it...but of course I can't. Venting is very important even if it is colored by emotions and hormones. I hope you feel better soon.
The emotions you are feeling regarding weight are a big part of why I gave up the scale. At least this way, I have 1 less stress, I don't know the number. Been hovering around this weight for a couple of years of various types of "not diets" that were/are food restrictions meant to make me smaller but have failed. A brief strong emotional whine is great to let it all out, then you gotta let go and get on with it. we're with ya!
I shook off the weight issue, I just have to heal myself and that will take TIME. In the world of matter, things take time, no immediate creating for us here!
I also have a very good inkling of what I am supposed to do in regards to the job. I have to work on some inner mantras and beliefs that get triggered when I look for a better paying job, mostly the "I am not enough" stuff. It is highly set off by financial issues, and I just have to get in there and dig it out. I'll get to it, but I most likely will be that person that is grunting, cussing and throwing a few things along the way.
For some reason, I have a strong urge to recommend a Fat Fast to you.
Don't know why reading a post about emotions made this come up, but it did, so...Fat Fast. You might like to look into and see if it is something you want to try.
And it is literally a thing you TRY - a few days, that's it. You can look it up easily on the web (mostly under Atkins Fat Fast) but the basics are: 1000 calories per day, almost ALL fat, eating liverwurst, butter, cream, macadamia nuts, pork rinds, sour cream, egg yolks, stuff like that, in five small meals throughout the day. Plenty of water. It slams you into ketosis.
Hmmm, maybe that's why I am thinking of it. Ketosis always helps my emotions.
In any case, sorry you are having such a hard time. One foot in front of the other.
Pebbles, NW, Demuralist - thank you for the support and sharing your experiences, it really does help to have some comrades in this struggle towards health. I know that this much awesome in us will allow us to achieve our goals.
Sabine, thank you for the advice. I have googled it. I am not signing on for the fat fast yet, but may at some point, but it led me to a great carbsmart website that will help me with this WOE. Win!
Tonight is play rehearsal. Then I am making roasted zucchini and steak for dinner. Today is good.
First of all, what a difference a day makes. The most painful and frustrating part of excavating your feelings is always right before a breakthrough. Not that I've reached into the box and pulled out the treasure yet, but rather that my shovel has hit the box.
1. In my quest to understand and heal my body, there will be days with wins and days with disappointments. I will have plateaus and not lose and even gain. I am insulin resistant, so this is a tug of war. I like the visual of the tug of war, it's fun, sometimes you get pulled forward, sometimes it is all you can do to dig in, and other times you get that tug in and pull it in for the win. As long as you are still holding onto the rope, you are still in the game. I am in the game, and eventually, I will get a win in.
2. The job issue. It is time to let it go. I am good enough, and allowing my brain to make experiences I have into hard facts about my very nature (I am not enough) is normal, but I can control it. The truth is, I like the people I work with, I mostly like what I do, it is stable, I am well liked, I do a good job, and some days I don't know if I want to leave for a more progressive place or if I want to see if I can assist in making this a more progressive place. Since I am unsure if I want to leave, and the main factor motivating me is more $ and not knowing if that will change significantly in the next few years if I stay is called worry. Everything is fine the way it is. If things change, I am more than skilled and intelligent enough to react to it. I must let go of these beliefs, assure my inner child that everything is good, and stop worrying so much. I don't have to take a new job if it doesn't feel right, and if I don't get an interview, it doesn't mean that I am not good enough.
My anxiety is illusive. I am much better at working it out than I was 5 years ago. I used to have full fledge anxiety attacks and not have any ability to sort out my feelings. Now, as the observer, I can let the anxious feelings guide me to what I need to work on or figure out, no attacks. That is a huge healing, and one I don't need to take for granted.
I have added back in cream and butter. Yesterday, I didn't even make it to 1000 cals or 20 carbs yesterday bc I was NOT hungry (um, what the hell is that? That doesn't happen EVER). And come dinner time, more than 8 hrs since lunch, all I craved was fat. So I had a tbsp of coconut oil, hot tea with cream, and a pork chop with some fat on it, which was the best part.
This morning I had a minute steak and coffee with cream and butter. Just thinking about butter makes my damn mouth water. I am also reading a great article about nutritional ketosis that talks about ramping up fat to lose weight. [url=http://www.carbsmart.com/10-healthy-high-fat-foods-perfect-for-nutritional-ketosis.html]12 Healthy High-Fat Foods Perfect For Nutritional Ketosis[/url]
I am 28 days no sugar, carb flu is gone, and I can tweak this thing. Staying the road.
I am not perfect, not 100% paleo, I have had processed cheeses (trying to stay away from cheese), sugar free jello, lots of liquid stevia, bacon (which is cured with sugar), even a little vanilla extract which has trace amounts of sugar, and a few diet dr. ps or sprite zeros, but it's a process isn't it? Adjust, adjust, adjust. Stay the course, if you go for a walk off the path for a minute, keep an eye on it and jump back over as quick as possible and don't kick yourself. It's all I can do, is stay the course to the best of my ability.
Yay! You sound better today :) What you said about being an observer of your anxiety (or moods) is very well put. That's the process I've been experiencing for most of this year. Therapy helped, but this nutritional base is what made the biggest difference, for me.
I wanted to comment on the smoking...20+ years ago I stopped. Note I did not say quit. I have decided I will start back up again when I hit 90 cause I figure by the time it causes cancer I will die from something else anyway. When I was finally successful, I had a friend hold a pack for me, and if I thought I could not live without one, I would call him and go he would bring it to school (I was putting myself back through school at the time-full time student/full time work). Most times he would remember, sometimes he would forget. Once I decided I was just going to stop, for now, I kept myself out of the situations that triggered the need (ie. bars, certain restaurants, certain friends, etc). Now I can actually have the occasional cig and not even consider picking it back up as a habit. Good luck