I weighed three times. That just doesn't sound right. I even had 2 oz. tortilla chips and a bite of a cheddar roll last night. Maybe this burstfit dvd is working. I hope so, because I actually really like it. Like a lot, and saying that about exercise is radical for me. We shall see what happens next week if I can stay on point. I really feel like I can, but that I also need to make sure to do some prep work this weekend, make a list, plan exact, easy meals, and make a couple snacks for myself ahead of time. I'm thinking pork rinds, celery, and a dip this week.
Well, I am about to go sit in the dining room and create a mail sorting center. I got a holder to separate my mail from hubs when I don't feel like sorting that minute, but they are small slots so you have to when it gets to 5-10 minutes worth of sorting. Then got a transportable file box to sort the mail right into. When a file gets full, you take it to the files and file it accordingly. No more piles on the dining table. I shall conquer the mail!
I had a two pound loss this morning that sent me into territory not seen for almost a year.
Planning is a great idea.
Well, I had a sugar day. I don't really call it a binge, because I did it willingly and because I felt like I had the flu. So I rewarded myself with ice cream. Silly reward, I could have rewarded myself with a great loss. So today, I am committing myself to 10 days sugar free, no addded sugar in sriracha or mustards, none. I then travel for 4 days, so I will do my best, then when I get back, I am on the ground travel free for 28 days, so I will commit to another 28 days sugar free. I hope to see the numbers I saw over the weekend 221.2 again by Thursday. I would like to hold on to them for just a minute and then wave goodbye to them in the rear view mirror. Even though I blew it yesterday, I had a good week and know I can do it again. Keep on keepin on is all we can do!
Today the hubs quit the new job in a blaze of glory. After 11 hours, with 4-6 deliveries left, his energy gave out. He has hypoglycemia and after going all day with no breaks and nothing to eat, he called it quits. Of course this led to a disagreement and some cussing between him and my good friend. Cardinal rule broken in working with/for a friend.I wish it had gone down differently. I wish they had been honest, I wish we had thought it through rationally before he took the job. He is too old to start delivering appliances. Last week was all 11-16 hour days, and after 19 days of work, no paycheck. As far as I am concerned this was a cluster fuck from the beginning and all sides are guilty, even me. They are guilty of not telling the whole truth. My husband is guilty of biting off more than he could chew and not fulfilling his commitment. I am guilty for thinking this would work and not considering the fallout it might cause.
I lived though. Yes, I ate 8 squares of a dark chocolate bar. Yes, I have nerves about the coming conversation with the friend who is also my co-worker, double oh-fuck-me-what-was-I-thinking!!!!
One thing came out of this, I have spent the last 2 weeks surrendering this issue. I can no longer carry the weight of my hubs job situation. I make it worse. My stress and anxiety draw the worst to us and leaves us not thinking clearly. He now has plenty of time to focus on his job hunt. I am focusing on myself and what I want. I am going to dream about my future and stop worrying over his, which is his fucking journey anyway, I can't walk it for him. So why in the hell have I been pacing him the whole way?
Thank god I have a soul sister to count on to help me during this time. She is a great resource and support to me. Letting go cannot be as painful as carrying more than you should be carrying.
Up at 4am with coughing and insomnia, wrote the above. Up another pound. At work, feel like shit, going to walk on the mill instead of burst to keep coughing at a minimum. It is dreary day here. I guess I will just work through the day on tasks and keep myself occupied. I have to say, I just can't stand the thought of worrying away the day today. I just don't have the energy. That is good I guess.
Bleh, sounds like a crappy day(s) all around. Coughing, insomnia, and more husband job issues. Hopefully he focuses and finds something he can do for employment. Good luck Kymma and get well soon.
This too shall pass. Until it does, I am just going to go slow with things.
I admire your strength and honesty in both admitting that you cannot control/handle everything, but also recognizing where you may be at fault. I have found admitting fault to be one of the hardest parts of my journey through anxiety and depression. On the one hand, everything is NOT MY FAULT, but there are still situations where I was a key player and my response greatly affected the outcome. I can only change my own behavior/responses and fortunately, by proxy, that helps Hulky with his own.
I call it the 2%. I have found that by admitting my part in it, even if it is only 2%, then I can cope and not be overcome with guilt and anxiety. I used to let the 2% turn into the 98% in my head.
We shall see. Just being here inside my body today has been exhausting. I really want to go home and go to bed, but I may just read and see if I can't go someplace that is not my own land for a few hours (I've got a promising new book!).
My friend/coworker wanted to go for coffee this afternoon. I put it off until tomorrow. He said to assure my hubs we would work it out. I then texted hubs to tell him he needed to work it out, he said it already was. I have a feeling a facebook message to all 3 of them is happening tonight. All it will, I hate what happened, I would have not suggested the job to Justin if I had realized it would be so many hours, long days without proper meal breaks, and that it would turn into this mess. That I apologize for my part in it, but that it was between them to work it out. I should be handed an envelope with pay in it and not be asked to have conversations discussing what I was not a part of. Shit, I want to let it go, but they keep putting the string to this balloon back in my hand. Bullshit.