A Year Ago Until Today....Just Wow
I'm not going to lie, I have had a rocky and imperfect year but I seem to be going in the right direction. Let's chronicle some events here:
One year ago today: I was just looking at my work email and I found an invitation for a 50th birthday party(in office) for a coworker. They held this little party for this person because they were turning 50 and it is the typical loads of finger foods and cake. Well I really didn't know this person all too well, but I went to the party for the primary reason on engorging myself with food and sweets.
November/December: The gorging continued, i knew I felt miserable, but I had no sense of control over fixing it. I felt depressed, hopeless, and just felt like crap.
January: January rolled around and I had a myriad of problems cropping up. I was a whopping 300 pounds, had gall bladder problems, was not using my CPAP for my sleep apnea. I decided I had to do something and do it fast. I then started TPB and I pulled off about 30 pounds from January-February. I didn't really do TBP to a great degree...my diet was decent but I believe that it could have been better, I didn't exercise at all as well. At this point my blood pressure started jumping up 150/100 was a rough average. Blaming it on TPB I quit it, went to the Dr and found myself on Lisinopril, Norvasc, and Zoloft for the anxiety of it all. Not a fun time.
March: Got caught up in Visalus shakes because a friend of mine was selling them and swearing by them. Lost 10 pounds, but picked up heart palpitations from all the crappy soy they put in it.
April-June: Traditional diet....went very blah but lost 15 pounds. At this point I was down to 245. We then went on a family vacation on a cruise ship. Well lets just say everything was out the window there. Is overeating on a cruise family vacation for a week the absolute worst thing in the world....no. What is bad is getting off the boat and not doing jack squat afterwards for 5 months.
Late October: Welcome back 25 pounds :(
However, I have been back at it for about 2 weeks now and I have pulled about 10 pounds of that back of so I am getting back where I need to be. I came back to try and go Primal/Paleo again because I have convinced myself that I just wasn't simply doing it right the first time around. I'm guessing it probably had much to do with convincing myself that I could be a Sedentary Primal who knew he should be using his CPAP for his disease that stops him from breathing 100+ times during one night's sleep. Sounds like that was a well thought out plan huh?? However, once i realized again that I had a problem that needed a consistent well rounded solution, I could not convince myself that there was any other option than Primal/Paleo. After reading Sisson/Wolf/Taubes I am convinced that the science is so solid that it is the only thing that makes sense. Also, surprisingly, my cardiologist is all about Paleo and has told me that I should stay down that route.
Sorry for the wall-of-text, but I just wanted to lay out how things have been going for me and the chaos in my mind when I am not on board with making myself healthier. I will note today that, however, I am no longer on the BP meds and no longer on the Zoloft so thats a good thing. The thing that triggered all this, is I was just looking back at a year ago and my idea of a good time was going to a birthday party at work with the main purpose of engorging myself, and my idea today of being "bad" is drinking a once-in-a-blue-moon Coke Zero from the vending machine. One thing I will say though is despite the times of being good and being bad this last year , I have never had the urge at all this year to simply engorge on just absolute crap. A large high-quality meal on a cruise ship sure, but not just simply eating to be eating.
I hope this maybe helps somebody out there who also has this kind of mental chaos going around in their brain in regards to food and weight loss. I finally believe that I have my urges and control problems in check and that I can continue a lifestyle that is Primal and active! Good luck everybody!