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I just don't get why the guys in this thread basically want this OP to go be an asshole and screw other women. How does that make a guy feel better?? Ultimately, he'd just be using some other woman for sex, which is a pretty low thing to do (unless, as I said, if she's truly fine with it and knows that's his intention).
I get the whole need for validation blah blah blah... women get it too. When someone dumps you, you want to know that you're still desirable, that you can get someone again (my fear when I was dumped was that I would be alone FOREVER and no one would ever want me ever again). But there's a far cry from having sex with someone to having a relationship with someone, and many people who have their hearts broken who turn to meaningless sex to fill the void, just find the void bigger and emptier than ever.
I honestly just don't think going out and having sex is the answer to dealing with the grief of a breakup.
I like the idea of working on self improvement... that's a great idea for anyone.
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and then if he contacts some awful wartlike dis-ease.... nah nah nah
just go through the grief, feel the anger, the sadness, the joy, the guilt - get it over with.... then come and meet a great KIWI girl.
They Are hot....hot ....hot, and they know how to use number 8 wire, and know how to cook, and know how to etc.... etc... etc...
you will get over this, and be a better man because of it - because Gwamma said so !
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I think the advice to go sleep with another girl is fine. It's advice given by men to other men because it works for MEN. Spreading the seed is pretty damn primal and is not really fraught with peril from an evolutionary perspective.
Wouldn't work for me because I'm female and we have to worry about other aspects of a father to our child in the event we get pregnant.
I've read the advice in this thread given by women and it's really compassionate and wonderful and sound... as advice to other heart broken women. But why can't a guy just go have sex with a willing partner to forget a woman who hurt him without him being an asshole?
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[QUOTE=Grumpycakes;972580]
Like that's the only way this could go down, and like it would be purely a revenge thing. As I said before, men let themselves get put under one woman's spell very easily. This is about breaking that spell so that he can get on with his life and stop being so miserable.[/QUOTE]
As if lots of women don't get dramatically, insanely, out of whack, lay on the couch and cry for a week and not even leave the house to go to work when some dude rips the rug out from under them... (not that uncommon BTW)
Whatever...
You seem to be projecting... a LOT.
Also, I hung around mostly dudes my whole life... tomboy I am and all... and watched them use this stellar model. And every time it seems hollow... they fuck around, and then sit around the next day and miss the bitch anyway. Even talk about her and whine about it. So...
Maybe not so effective?
I've tried it both ways myself. (I've rolled out with other guys, and rolled out and hit the ladies.)
And I've stayed home alone and worked on myself, then went out later when I was more centered and less distraught.
A broken heart ends when it ends... there is a mourning period. Nothing changes that.
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[QUOTE=cori93437;972660]As if lots of women don't get dramatically, insanely, out of whack, lay on the couch and cry for a week and not even leave the house to go to work when some dude rips the rug out from under them... (not that uncommon BTW)[/QUOTE]
This is not about women's breakups.
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When I split up with my ex husband (he ran off with someone) I thought I would never be happy again. Although I loved the kids they weren't enough. I couldn't stop crying, couldn't sleep, felt like I had a brick in my stomach.
It does get better though, and I am now happier than I ever was.
My advise is to have no contact with exes if you can as it prolongs the pain.
Difficult for me as we had kids.
Good luck,
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Oh the unsavory advise. Men are not that different, some are touchy feely and some not, just like women. In any case it isn't empowering to screw somebody who you don't care about. Don't pretend you haven't watched When Harry Met Sally.
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[QUOTE=Credodisi;972647]I think the advice to go sleep with another girl is fine. It's advice given by men to other men because it works for MEN. Spreading the seed is pretty damn primal and is not really fraught with peril from an evolutionary perspective.
Wouldn't work for me because I'm female and we have to worry about other aspects of a father to our child in the event we get pregnant.
I've read the advice in this thread given by women and it's really compassionate and wonderful and sound... as advice to other heart broken women. But why can't a guy just go have sex with a willing partner to forget a woman who hurt him without him being an asshole?[/QUOTE]
That's why I put the disclaimer in my post that it's okay to go screw someone else ONLY if she's fully 100% aware that it's just sex. Using some girl for sex to get over someone else is what makes some men into assholes. I was responding more to the "screw her mother/sister/best friend" type comments, which typically sound "asshole" to me (and if they do come to pass, often end up screwing over more than one person and can destroy friendships/relationships).
BUT going out and having sex with a woman who KNOWS it's just sex and is completely cool with it is fine... it may not fix the pain, but if it helps a guy through... then yeah, that's cool.
It just reminds me of some article I was reading the other day though, written by a guy who went out and had loads of meaningless sex after his wife left him. Ultimately, it turned him into an ass (he admitted this) and it didn't actually fix the heartbreak.
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I think that you should get so blind shit faced drunk that you wake up the next morning next to a 400 pound woman with a moustache who says, "Boy, were you drunk when we got married last night!"
Seriously, whether you are the "get through the pain" type, or the "screw everything that moves" type, I hope you feel better soon.
Maybe call 20+ pizza delivery places and send them all to her place one night? Order pizzas she doesn't like - triple anchovie with pineapple?
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[QUOTE=Comma;972840]Oh the unsavory advise. Men are not that different, some are touchy feely and some not, just like women. In any case it isn't empowering to screw somebody who you don't care about. Don't pretend you haven't watched When Harry Met Sally.[/QUOTE]
"I can win a girl's heart by being touchy feely and getting LJBF'd! I saw it in a movie!"
-Famous last words
