Oh, this emptyness and loneliness. This feeling of jealousness when you see couples walking down the street holding hands! It makes you play again and again in you mind the same cassette: the sweet, warm, lovely moments you shared together. Suddenly, the bad moments from your relationship have been erased from your mind and you keep playing this cassette of romantic memories. Everything enjoyable and familiar in your everyday life now seems boring and meaningless. Every single day you spend most of the time thinking of your faults in this relationship. Sometimes you put the blame on yourself, others on your ex-lover. You burst into cries and you deviate from socialization, generally. There is no magic remedy to comfort your pain! Nothing and no-one will make you magically feel better! Accept that you do not feel ok neither with yourself nor with your life! Accept what you are feeling right now. Let friends who truly truly love you stay nearby you, listen to you, hug you! Let the time go by. In most of the days you will be merely an observer of your own life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You are a human being with feelings.
You just have to feel sad until you don't. We've all been there. It feels like the worst thing inthe whole world I know, but once you're over it, and you will get over it, you'll be ready to take the leap again with someone else. Honestly there is nothing that anyone else can say or do to make it any better. Personally, during my last break up I drank large amounts of wine and chain smoked... don't go that route, trust me. There are lots of temporary fixes and distractions, but in the end you'll be over it when you're over it. Just hang in there and go through the motions and eventually the pain goes away.
I lost one once, and I thought it might kill me - but it didn't. I had all your feelings. To top it all off, his mom even visited me a while after and told me how she and her daughters (his sisters) missed me and hated the new girlfriend. That was bittersweet.
It wasn't all that long before my guy and I found each other... married 19 years now, and he is a seriously better fit than the old one. Mourn, distract yourself a little (not in harmful ways, please), give yourself time. I'm really sorry this had to happen... but you are so not alone in this experience.
Once you get over the breakup being alone can be awesome, too. I once decided after a breakup that I would not be with anybody else for 7 years. It was a great 7 years. I never felt lonely. I did all kinds of fun things with people. I had a great studio apartment in an old Victorian house. Eventually I met someone and by then I was truly ready. No empty hole inside me. No empty black hole inside my partner that I was supposed to fill. I met a new class of people by this time.
getting over one woman by getting on another can be valid advice but the day after the breakup? nuh uh, i foresee too many self head games after that
save that for a few months down the line
I wonder... if a man breaks my heart, is the jump on another dude advice equal opportunity? Or would that make me a whore for not pining away for him... :rolleyes:
Do what feels right to YOU.
Take time to mourn if you need to mourn.
If you feel the need to try and metaphorically slap her in the face by banging her sister/friends/first woman you meet while drunk in some bar... have at it, but know that it will feel just as empty as it sounds once you roll over or go to piss and look in the mirror.
Time heals all wounds. Sure, there will be scars, but the wound will heal. And in all likelihood you'll look back on this someday and see that it led you to something better...
It's hard to see that from what feels like the bottom or the lake of doom, but it's true.
i know double standards break my heart
it takes a certain type of attitude (or a whole lot of drunken resentment) to go bang someone so soon after your heart is broken
it's entirely in the realm of possibility he doesn't want to do ANYBODY
Hang out with your friends. Tell them to cook you dinner and let you moan....only bring lots of good wine. And then: fish in the sea. Not, obviously, those related to toxic ex-relationship, but new ones. And not yet. But they are out there, so hold on.
Also, here is fantastic relationship book for the future: [url=http://www.amazon.com/Why-Talking-Not-Enough-Transform/dp/0787995290/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349564701&sr=8-1&keywords=susan+page]Why Talking Is Not Enough: Eight Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage: Susan Page: 9780787995294: Amazon.com: Books[/url]
I just don't get why the guys in this thread basically want this OP to go be an asshole and screw other women. How does that make a guy feel better?? Ultimately, he'd just be using some other woman for sex, which is a pretty low thing to do (unless, as I said, if she's truly fine with it and knows that's his intention).
I get the whole need for validation blah blah blah... women get it too. When someone dumps you, you want to know that you're still desirable, that you can get someone again (my fear when I was dumped was that I would be alone FOREVER and no one would ever want me ever again). But there's a far cry from having sex with someone to having a relationship with someone, and many people who have their hearts broken who turn to meaningless sex to fill the void, just find the void bigger and emptier than ever.
I honestly just don't think going out and having sex is the answer to dealing with the grief of a breakup.
I like the idea of working on self improvement... that's a great idea for anyone.