[QUOTE=zoebird;967366]Yes, I suppose therefore that there are no solutions what so ever and you are doomed to a life of cortisol and problems that come with it.
Know why? Lots of people have provided you with a lot of information and help, and you basically can't do any of it. Can't walk dogs, can't do a yoga class in exchange for light cleaning, can't do a doctor's appointment (most naturopaths are independent of the allopathic system, and many do exchanges or work on a sliding scale), aren't interested in breathing techniques and you have the worst job on the plante and no one can possibly understand the conditions of that work environment both in terms of when you are in that work environment as well as in terms of finding a job in that field.
So, you are right. Nothing you can do.[/QUOTE]
Zoebird is nailing something here, though it might be hard for you to accept the message.
I see a lot of my old self in your responses.
I have built a small business up for the last 15 years. Most of that time was horribly stressful. Additionally, I have an anxious (Type A or whatever) personality type. I am truly surprised that I don't have adrenal fatigue. The worst times involved suicidal thoughts, depression, etc.. The best times were not relaxed or enjoyable.
About a year ago I realized that even when I didn't feel stressed, I still was stressed. How did I figure this out? Mindfulness. Yoga is a great suggestion because it suits anxious people in having a motion to focus on. But even just learning how to get out of your thoughts so you know not to take them so seriously is a major step. Once I learned how to do this throughout the day, my life changed. I still do my work well but I have a life now and I'm sure I've reduced my Cortisol levels. I just feel different.
Why did it take me so long to get to this point? I had friends and family who suggested meditation, etc. I was stressed and I just "knew better" that all I had to do was get through the external situation to feel better. It's bullshit. All I had to do was retrain my mind to know that the external situation was temporary and not make it worse by how I thought about it or how often I thought about it. It's really hard to break out of this mentality. It's totally worth it, though.
I think it's really the way you look at your job. If you think what you are doing is fun, there really shouldn't be so much stress. Isn't there like some 90-something year old surgeon who still performed surgery? I remember seeing a documentary with him and he was still sharp as a knife, despite the industry supposedly creating a lot of stress and inflicting wear and tear on each person in it.
[QUOTE=doublehelix;967334]I didn't want to get into these details, but here goes. If I make any money, it's deducted from unemployment, so it doesn't get me ahead. I don't make 200 a week with my unemployment, but if I make any money, they deduct it. I have been doing some freelance work, and it won't monetarily get me ahead, but it will be nice on my resume.
I am living off money I saved when I worked, but it won't last forever. But there are no "pocket jobs" that can boost my situation, I'd have to go off unemployment and as I explained, it won't add to that.[/quote]The lovely thing about odd jobs like dog-sitting is that you can work on a cash basis. What the unemployment agency doesn't know won't hurt them. The unemployment benefits system is run pretty stupidly and if you can successfully work around it I suggest you do so.
EDIT: Also, I agree with others that it is your own negativity that is paralyzing you, not your situation. You need to get up and do SOMETHING. Seriously, just go for a damn walk, a nice long one (one of the many benefits of being unemployed is that you can go for long walks whenever you like). While you are walking, maybe think of something you would like to do when you get back. And then when you get back, do it--at least get started on it. Don't sit down in front of your TV or computer, do something that involves moving your body and preferably puts you in contact with other human beings. Then maybe you won't feel so sorry for yourself for a little while, and all of the excellent advice people are giving you will seem more useful to you.